Worth it

Have you ever felt uncertain about your fertility and questioned yourself as a woman and a wife? Have you ever been scared of the thought of not being able to give your spouse children? Is your body having a hard time doing what a woman is usually expected to do? Is the dream of someday, having a baby now seeming out of your control? – DBM


“My wife and I went through 11 cycles of IVF. It wasn’t easy for us. I did not want us to go through it because I believed we could conceive naturally, but my wife is not the kind of woman you just say no to like that, and expect her to be okay with your no. No had to always make sense to her. No had to make her sane and feel at peace with herself. No had to eventually, turn up to be her yes, else, there was no discussion to begin with. Medically, we had been told nothing was wrong with the both of us, so I was expecting her to at least, hold on to that report for us to keep trying.

She was 41, and we had been married for 16 years. We married early because we planned on having and raising as many kids as possible in our 20s. So, when the babies weren’t coming, it was becoming frustrating. All we wanted was to start a family of our own. And we needed a baby to be a part of that dream, thus the trying, and the trying, and trying, till we were getting tired of trying. It nearly caused a lot of friction in our marriage, because having a child was all my wife suddenly wanted, and not me. I felt rejected. My wife rejected me in the marriage. For more than six years, I was single though married. We stayed in the same house and talked every day, but she seemed so far away from me. It was like, I was only needed whenever she was ovulating. And I felt used.

I had every reason to cheat on her because ladies liked me. And she knew it. They flirted with me. Gave me free passes and scholarships to pursue them sexually. Women outside of my marriage rather appreciated me, and made me feel loved and wanted and needed. I am a very handsome and energetic man as you can see, and I love sex a lot. So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to still want to honor my vows to her in those rather lonely moments. But for whatever reason, any time I remembered the promises I made to her, her family and mine, in the presence of all of our friends, and in the presence of God, I wanted to just try my very best to honor her and my word. I respect my wife a lot. I respect her efforts. I have respect for her family and mine too. I love my friends, and God is the source of the very air I breathe today, so I owed all the parties involved my utmost fidelity to my wife.

I took her to be my wife, to love and to hold. And it was going to be from that day forward. I vowed to love her for better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. I also vowed to love and to cherish only her till death do us part. And that was according to God’s Holy law. I said these vows in the presence of God, and though I don’t go to church, I wanted to try to be true to my word.

Dave, my wife was my reason back then. She is my reason now and every day till date. I promised to make her dreams my dreams, so when the pregnancy wasn’t happening to us, and she wanted to try every other option out there, I had no choice than to stand by her side. She connected with our doctor and the trust was there for him. It was an essential journey for her, and an emotional one for me. We decided to try IVF with hope. We also decided not to tell anyone about our journey. We kept this to ourselves until the miracle finally happened for us.

Financially, we were drained. I spent my all on these procedures. Imagine a young, frustrated lawyer and his broken chartered accountant wife, broke with almost nothing in their bank accounts. It wasn’t easy. My wife hates needles, but for this dream to be parents she had to endure the injections and medications, the blood draw at visitations, the disappointments when each result failed, the pains I had to watch her go through, the anger, the debts we had to pay, and the six miscarriages during the treatment. I am sending you our story because until we risked going too far, we never would have found out to what extent we could even go.

My wife was a troublesome lady. The type that wouldn’t mind fighting a woman for finding me attractive. The type that would pick my phone to answer a call from a suspecting number. The type that would cause commotion just to make a point to a pretty woman she thinks I admire. She was extremely jealous, sometimes, for no reason. I hated all that, because I am the very opposite; calm, peaceful, collected, smiley, trusting, friendly and reasonable. She was that type of horror movie. My horror movie. And in-as-much as I hated watching her stress and sometimes, embarrass me, I loved her for who I knew she was. I knew she wasn’t ever going to change, not for me, and certainly not for anyone else. And the fact that she felt the need to always remind me to ‘change’… Smfh!

But I love my sweetheart.

I’m talking too much. Let me end my story. We began a task, and we made sure we went all in. It finally was successful and we got pregnant in our 40s. Our baby girl is three years old now. And I think she’s just like her mother. They are driving me crazy every day, and I am psyching myself to either get used to them, or die trying. I love my family very much. I do not regret marrying my wife. I do not regret being faithful to only her, because I promised her that. We do not regret the lengths we took to get pregnant. It was very challenging, especially with the losses and the bank loans we are still paying. (Let me caution anyone considering going for a bank loan to get pregnant, DON’T!).

It worked for us, and that is all that matters. David, you are really doing an excellent job on Facebook. You actually pulled me out of my private life to share with the world for the first time. Keep up with the good work” – From PVK

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