“I asked my mother why she was staying in that marriage. She feared being alone. She feared being rejected by other men for being ‘too old’ or a mother of four. She was in her mid-40’s. She didn’t want to fail at parenting us by herself. So, I asked her, ‘If today were to be your last day on earth, would you be able to say that your marriage to my father was the kind of marriage you deserved to be in?’ She said, ‘no!’ She prefers the one she’s enjoying with her current boyfriend.” –YJ
“A man I was supposed to look up to let me down, and he used to be called ‘my father‘. Dave, I read the story you shared yesterday about the man who made his daughter and wife believe he was residing abroad. My dad made me and my siblings believe our mother was his biggest problem. I remember my 11 years old brother then used to tell us why our mother was causing dad unhappiness. We watched our father be wicked to our mother and we believed she deserved it.
Then I heard the other side of their story from an argument they were having in their bedroom. It was dawn, so the least noise could be heard by anyone awake in the house. I couldn’t sleep, so I had gotten up to use the washroom. Mum was resisting when my dad was asking when she’d allow him to have sex with her again as her husband. My mother’s response was, “when you stop sleeping with your boss”.
I spent years later on suspecting my dad was cheating on our mother. One time, he was driving us to school, and was texting with someone on the phone while driving. I couldn’t help but notice the smile he was trying so hard to hide from his face. In the process of his texting, my mother called his phone. He cut the call. She called again and he wouldn’t pick. Then she called the third time. He answered angrily, telling her he was driving and could not talk. So, mom asked him to give his phone to me, so she talked to me. While talking to my mother, a text came. I quickly looked on his phone and it was from his boss.
“I can’t wait to fuck you again. You’re the man”
I still remember that text because it made me so angry. I was 17 years Dave. He asked for his phone back because he also heard it beep. I looked on the screen for him to see I had read the text. Out-rightly, it just came out of me: “Who my Madam M?”
His boss was Mary, so I knew the ‘M’. I just needed confirmation. He turned to look at me after reading the text, and his look turned dark. He knew I had read it, but still wouldn’t respond to my question. He gave me that look he used to give us when we were kids, but I wasn’t perturbed. I ignored him. I felt like I couldn’t tell my siblings because they all were on his side, but it was too heavy a cross to carry. So, I told everyone in the car that dad was having sex with Aunty Mary from work.
Let me fast-forward: He stopped paying my school fees. That was the last time I stepped foot in his house. He didn’t speak to me again. I went to Aunty Mary’s husband’s office to make him a deal. First, I told him about my discovery. He was not angry, surprisingly. He asked about the deal, and I told him to take care of my needs, rent a place for me to lay my head, and finance my education for a reward. The offer was to marry him in 6 years. He told me he would think about it. He booked a hotel room for me to lodge till he found me a comfortable place to stay.
He bought me my first phone, gave me money every week, paid my school fees, took care of my rent and all other bills. He was looking forward to my 6-year marriage proposal, so he did not request for sex. I never slept with him. I just gave him a promise. He divorced his wife on the fourth year, and married me in 2015. That was the first day I had sex. We have two kids together and still married.
About my mother, one day, she just left her matrimonial home. She was tired of the manipulation and did not want to bend to his will again. According to my brothers, our father was heartbroken and shocked. My mother stays with us. She has not divorced my father yet, but dad is living with madam Mary. My brothers are staying with them. Dave, for some reason, they’re no longer on our father’s side. They said he tried to introduce them to Aunty Mary, and was convincing them to see her as their mother. He completely disregarded their feelings. But they come to visit us a lot at our house.
According to my mother, she had known about their affair for years, but could not fight it because she wasn’t sure she could take care of us on her own. My husband has offered her his help, to cater for their needs and expenses, but mother wants my father to take full responsibility. That’s why she’s still not divorced him. She intentionally did not bring my brothers along. My husband hooked mom up with one of his best friends and they’re happily dating. He’s a widower and has been pushing for mum’s divorce but she’s delaying it.
Yesterday, after reading the story you shared, I asked my mother why she was staying in that marriage. She said, she feared being alone. She feared being rejected by other men for being ‘too old’ or a mother of four. She was in her mid-40’s. She didn’t want to fail at parenting us by herself. So, I asked her, ‘If today were to be your last day on earth, would you be able to say that your marriage to my father was the kind of marriage you deserved to be in?’ She said, ‘no!’ She prefers the one she’s enjoying with her current boyfriend.
Dave, what a woman wants in her love life and lifetime matters. And, there is happiness somewhere out there for any woman who believes she deserves to be happily in love. Age doesn’t count anymore. Being a single parent doesn’t count anymore. Being too pretty, ugly, dark, fair, tall, short, slim, fat, educated, uneducated, Tracey B, Afia S, Nadia B or Jackie A, whether employed or unemployed doesn’t matter anymore, Dave. Are you deserving of happiness, is all that matters now. If your answer is YES then it’s YES”