There always comes that time you may have to look back over the years, and wonder exactly what might have been, should you have gotten to know that other person you kind of thought you liked. That thrilling familiarity, indeed, does create a deep sense of connection and trust that people who came into your life later may not have matched. – DBM
I am a divorce lawyer, an experienced attorney for a fact. Most of my clients refer to me as the ‘Miracle Worker’, so if there are any of my clients in your Fan base, then they would definitely know who I am. I just have to make it happen for you – if that’s truly what you want. That has always been my job. And because as at that time, I was single, I could commit all of my time to a case.
A client consulted my office for a meeting some years back. I asked a lot of questions about a lot of things; that’s my nature, I ask a lot questions, listen to the details of a case, and try to walk clients through the divorce process. I am trained to be at the service of my clients, regardless of what my opinions are – concerning a case. However, with this particular client, I felt he didn’t have a case. He was very wrong, but because he had his hand on another lady he was in love with, he needed that divorce in order to be free.
I would usually take an aggressive lead with my cases, but this one got me to slow down, and also thinking. The wife he was divorcing was a former school mate in Senior Secondary School. We weren’t that close, but I knew her; one of the intelligent ladies during our time. And because we were that shy of each other back then, (I think) we would just use a signal she created, unconsciously, to say ‘Hello’ to me.
She would be pulling her nose and smiling, bending her head in shyness anytime our paths crossed on campus. That was her ‘code’ and I picked it up to be doing same whenever we saw each other. I am talking about a many years ago encounter I was so shy and embarrassed to pursue. We completed Secondary School, and I never set eyes on her again – until her husband filed for divorce.
Because of my former school mate, I intended to play a greater role in their divorce process, and work alongside the couple. I wanted to work the case on their terms, but his wife was not in agreement. She was still in love with him, and was determined to fight and make him ‘see’ her and the love they once shared. A man she had so much evidence of infidelity against. A man who treated her, sometimes, even in my presence – as though she wasn’t worth listening to. She was still interested in making her marriage with him work; to the extent that, she was offering to give him a lot of rope on their sexual behavior.
During their process, I witnessed my former school mate, who had not yet recognized me, offer to give up her career to be a stay-at-home wife, and offer him every sex and attention he was getting out there, if he would stay in the marriage.
I was expecting her to hire an attorney and schedule a court hearing or at least, a deposition of a sort, but no, she wouldn’t consider that either. According to her, marriage was forever. My client was the one cheating on her and didn’t want to continue disrespecting her and their kids. He had made it clear, also that he was no longer in love with her. She had done nothing wrong… that was why I felt so sad and sorry for her.
I was in the office one time when she came to want to hire my services. I thought it was a joke, because I was her husband’s attorney, working on their divorce. But she was serious.
I gently pulled our ‘nose’ signal on her. And our eyes locked!
I couldn’t read her mind but she looked confused. She wasn’t sure whether or not I was the one. She wasn’t asking either, but she stared deep into my eyes. There was so much confusion written all over her face. And for the next hour or two (I can’t even remember), we both didn’t talk about anything. We just stared in silence. The next thing, she was crying. Just crying for no reason. I continued sitting in my chair and staring.
When she was done crying, the shock, the anger and bewilderment had died down. She got up to leave. By my door, she stopped to ask me,
“What did I do to make him do this?”
“What did you also contribute to that?” I asked in return
I couldn’t say anything else. Over the years of my career, I have wondered why women, in general, would lift the responsibilities from the shoulders of their cheating men, and be placing the burdens, firmly on theirs. Because that was the tactic my client was indirectly using on her to get off scot free.
I didn’t hear anything from her for two weeks. But on the third week, my client started keeping in touch frequently as the divorce progressed. His wife had come into terms with his decision, and was willing to go along with it.
A year after the divorce, I visited her at her office. Prior to that visit, she had called to make it clear to me, the very day the divorce was finalized, to ONLY GET IN TOUCH WITH HER WHEN I WAS READY TO PROPOSE MARRIAGE!
So, when I walked into her office that afternoon, I wasn’t visiting to take her out on a lunch break or date. Neither was I there for a chit-chat. The closest thing to knowing her was my memory of our schooling days, decades ago. She was a mother of Two (2), and a divorcee, yet I asked her to marry me.
Dave, the purpose of dating is to get to know someone as wholly as possible before tying the knot; in the end with the objective of having a fruitful marriage that lasts. But what exactly is emerging in this time that either confirms or disproves compatibility? Even if you date to know someone for years, they show you a part of them you never would have imagined they were. That’s why I didn’t see any need in dating my wife to know her. She’s been my friend in our marriage for the past Eight (8) years, and we have been, and still dating every week, in our marriage to know more about ourselves.
My marriage is not a guarantee my wife and I will be together forever. It’s just paper. And so far, what I know is the friendship, love, respect, trust, understanding and my faith in our commitment to make this decision we’ve both made, last. That’s my only hope. My wife has been through a lot. Holding her hand in public, is just another way of saying I am extremely proud of her. So I hold her hand a lot, in public.
I love my wife so much. My happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something I don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what I do have in her. I have a friend, who doubles also as my girlfriend… Who triples to be my wife! The mother of my children is my everything currently, and I have made up my mind to enjoy every single moment with ONLY her. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the inspiring, the not-so-great moments. And still thank God through it all.” – From GQE