If the one you love has this consistent habit of always wanting to accuse you of behaviors they themselves know, and you damn know as well – they are exhibiting, what would that mean to you? When the man or woman you love, someway, somehow, just seems or is pretending to seem disconnected from the actual impact of their deeds, what would be the first thing that would come to your mind? Will the superglue of your relationship still be intact? – DBM
SR: Hello David.
David Bondze (DB): Hello! Good evening. How are you doing?
SR: Not so fine. Can we chat?
DB: Why are you not fine?
SR: I need a different approach to talk sense into my husband.
DB: What was your first approach?
SR: I tried having a heart to heart talk with him a few days ago, at dawn, but he wouldn’t listen.
DB: I see.
SR: I think he’s very lazy.
SR: And he wants to get rich quick.
DB: Did you realize this now or you knew all along?
SR: I’m recently realizing that.
DB: Hmmm! What makes you think he’s lazy?
SR: He wants to go into ministry.
DB: What ministry?
SR: The fake preaching, offertory taking and women seducing ministry.
DB: Smh! The way you ‘term’ it is kind of, silly.
SR: It’s not to me. Until he lost his job, he wasn’t thinking this way.
DB: Oh, he’s unemployed?
DB: I see. For how long?
SR: Over a year. And he’s refusing to find a real job.
DB: And, his desire to want to branch into ministry wouldn’t be pursuing a real job?
SR: My husband is not trustworthy. I don’t trust him. God won’t trust him.
SR: He lies, he’s corrupt, he cheats on me… The list goes on and on.
DB: People change. Anyone can change. Change is a choice.
SR: Dave, I know the man I married, and he’s up to no good. I don’t trust this. He’s a crook.
DB: You don’t believe in his calling?
SR: Which calling?
DB: The call into ministry.
SR: Who called him?
DB: But I thought you said …
SR: No one has called him. Secondly, I am not the ‘Osofo Maame’ type of woman. I’m nuclear, terror. I chase after women my husband sleeps with and I beat them up. He will take advantage of the young and vulnerable in whichever Church he will be joining, and I would have to be fighting him and the girls and everyone else.
DB: On the scale of 1 to 10, how much does he embarrass you?
DB: That’s a lot.
SR: I’m not proud of the fact that I’m married to him. That’s one mistake I’d have to deal with for a long time.
DB: You have the choice to opt out.
SR: I know.
DB: He can’t be that bad in character?
SR: I am his wife. You need to believe me. He’s that bad.
DB: That’s just one theory. Your version of him. What does his family think of him? What does his friends think of him? Etc.
SR: I am his family and his friend.
DB: I’m talking about his family of orientation.
SR: His mother warned me when he took me home to officially introduce me to the family. “He’s his father’s exact replica.” That was her caution to me. His father is a womanizer, a liar, a crook. She divorced him and married a different man.
DB: You still went ahead to marry him anyways. He couldn’t have been that bad?
SR: He had a stable, comfortable, nice life when I met him. I wanted a piece of that.
DB: You mean, he was rich?
SR: Not rich as in rich, but life was good for him.
DB: And you wanted to join the wagon!
DB: Do you love him?
SR: I love the sex I have with him. I love the security he gives me. He’s handsome too, so that’s a bonus. I get to have beautiful kids.
DB: Do you have any kids?
DB: How long have you been married?
SR: Over nine years.
DB: I see. So, you don’t know whether or not you love him?
SR: I like him.
DB: Hmmm! You are no good yourself.
SR: I know. That’s why I am staying in my lane, the ‘bitch lane’.
DB: So, whom do you love then?
SR: I love my children. Does that answer your question?
DB: It does.
SR: That man is whore, Dave.
DB: Yet you married him.
SR: I already told you why I married him. He promised me a good life, and I followed.
DB: I see.
SR: He has this friend who is into this ministry stuff, and I think it’s him trying to turn my husband. I never trusted that man the first day he invited us to his church. Young, rich, expensive living, pastoring a big, one-man church, having so much influence and control, and he talks just like my husband in his sermons, exaggerations and I’m sure, lies. A lot of lies.
DB: You don’t know that for a fact.
SR: He thinks my husband would be a great associate of his at his church. And, these two guys go way back. My husband once told me they used to chase the same girl.
SR: It’s not funny. They are up to something, and I don’t trust them. My intuition tells me not to trust any of this. The kinds of explicit jargons my husband, sometimes would be using while chatting with him on phone. And for the fact that he (pastor) would laugh at it and make humor out of their conversations – tells me something is up.
DB: You could give him the benefit of the doubt?
SR: Do I look like a Hoe?
DB: Do you feel like one?
SR: Oh, Dave.
DB: You just told me your husband is a whore.
SR: He calls me his whore in the bedroom, and the things that man can do to me, herh!
SR: Odzi mi tun.
DB: What’s that?
SR: Your name, it’s Fante, right?
DB: Oh, that! I get it.
SR: But of course you get it. He’s not tailored for the ministry.
DB: Because of the things he can do to you in the bedroom?
DB: I see.
SR: He feels the urgent need to change the world and the body of Christ, yet he does not see why he himself needs to change.
DB: Sometimes, life can also be such that, until one steps out of their comfort zones that they begin to fully change, grow and transform.
SR: What do I do? I mean, with everything I’ve told you about him.
DB: Let him be.
DB: He might surprise you.
SR: The only surprise I’d be in for is when he dies. Until then, that man is full of crap.
DB: Do you have anything good to say about your husband for a change? There should be something positive about that man.
SR: Let me tell you a story.
SR: He’s changed jobs three times since we married. The second job he left, do you know how he got it?
DB: How did he get it?
SR: His preacher friend landed him that job.
DB: That was noble of him.
SR: I thought so too, until I found out why he had to fix my husband.
SR: The owner of the company is a young widow, beautiful woman. She was married to the founder of that company. She owns everything now because the man is dead.
SR: Apparently, the widow employed the pastor. He wasn’t a pastor then. And he was being paid handsomely every month, for a fake position she had created for him to officially occupy – for records sake.
DB: What was his main job then?
SR: Screwing the lady.
SR: You are saying huh?
DB: And you know this how?
SR: My husband told me. Friends of the same feather, forgotten?
DB: I see.
SR: Dude was sleeping with the boss-lady and screwing his current wife at the same time.
DB: Lol! Eish! Konkonsa wura.
SR: It’s the truth. The woman found out and asked him to choose between his now wife and her. His wife, fortunately for him, comes from a financially stable background, and dude had saved so much money also from the hoe-trade, so he chose his wife. He married her and they started the church together… (Name withheld) That’s the church.
DB: Oh, wow! I know that church.
SR: But of course. The boss-lady attends his church too.
SR: That’s where my husband and I first met her. He had told my husband about the lady and what exactly she’d be after. My husband had agreed to do it anyways, and that ‘special’ invite to the church that day was to formalize their deeds.
DB: I’m terribly sorry about that.
SR: I found out about the whole sex thing, years later. Oh, and I beat the hell out of that bitch. I was almost arrested. Can you imagine? I don’t think she’ll ever sleep with a married man again.
SR: That bitch needed to be beat. She messed with the wrong bitch.
DB: I can understand why you don’t want to trust your husband.
SR: I’m still with him because of the kids. You asked for one positive thing about him: he cares about his children. That is the only responsibility he doesn’t joke with. He’s serious about being their father.
DB: What if, and this is a big ‘if’. But what if he really has, or genuinely, would want to change for the better?
SR: He needs to find a different job. Going into ministry with his friend wouldn’t be the change for me.
DB: Refusing to look at your husband in a new light could only mean, you choose to want to remember him for the man he was, the mistakes you know he has made in the past. But he is not his mistakes.
SR: I don’t trust my husband. I will never be able to trust any word that would come out of his mouth.
DB: You need to leave this man and the marriage. You deserve better.
SR: I know, and I will. The time is just not right at the moment.
DB: For what it’s worth, it’s never too late or, in your case, too early to choose to be happy. Are you happy in life?
SR: I am.
DB: With him in it?
SR: With my children and his money and sex in it, sure.
DB: Well, I appreciate your candor. There’s no time limit. You can walk out of the marriage and be free to live a peaceful life whenever you want. It’s always your choice to stay with him and be insecure. You still can make the best or worst of it. It’s always your choice.
SR: I know.
DB: Good! Because I hope you make the best of it. You can feel things you’ve never felt before, with or without him in your life.
SR: I know.
DB: You can still meet different people with different characters and point of view, also, out there.
SR: I know.
DB: You can live the life you can be really proud of, with or without him in it.
SR: I know.
DB: Hmmm! If you are not happy in your marriage with your husband, I’m just hoping you will find the courage to want to start all over again.
SR: Thank you, Dave.
DB: Thank you too.
SR: I need to take a ‘hoe-bath’
DB: Which one is that one?
SR: My husband and I just had rough, make-up sex.
DB: Good luck!