I read this inbox message on my Facebook earlier this week:
“I agreed to marry my husband because he made me believe he could take very good care of me. And I needed just that: A man who could take care of me. I don’t love him. My child is not even his and he doesn’t know. So far as we are taken care of, I’m cool!” – From A.D
I needed to understand the underlying reasons why most men and women choose to get married. Here are a compiled few of the responses given me this week:
“I married my Ex to get away from, and under my dad’s control. He was dominant and controlled every aspect of my life.” – From B.K
I am divorced, and I don’t know whether I qualify for the survey or not? My ex-wife and I used to be very happy in a relationship. Then I got her pregnant. She was scared of abortion. I wasn’t sure about the idea of abortion – so we concluded on marriage. We got excited about the whole idea of ‘family’ and were looking forward to it. I did love her, to be frank, and we wanted the marriage to stand the test of time. We divorced after the 10th year.
How that happened, we do not know.
Pregnancy should not be the reason to settle. A baby wouldn’t make any marriage work. Marriage has nothing to do with an unplanned pregnancy/baby. Support the child, be the best dad or mother or parents to that child. It’s okay to be guardians to your ward out of wedlock.” – From P.M
My first and last man
“He was the first man I had sex with. That meant a lot to me, and I wanted it to mean something to him too. I stayed with only him because I wanted him to be the only man I’d sleep with. He’s the only man I’ve been with, but he’s having affairs. Marriage is overrated.” – From I.N
Calm enough for me
I’d love to participate in your survey. If you would want us to be very honest with our responses, then I would say, I did not marry my wife because I ‘loved’ her. My mother always told us, ‘Loving a person can be learnt’, so at the back of my mind, I knew I could learn to love a wife at a point in my life. My wife is very calm and religious. She doesn’t cause me any trouble, and I needed that kind of woman in my life… Because I am a handful of work myself.
I’m very wild, promiscuous to a degree. I wanted a woman who was my direct opposite in character, so my kids could at least, have a balanced gene. I wanted a woman who also had the heart to forgive, because she has a lot of forgiveness’s to forgive me should my cup run over. We’ve been married for close to Seven (7) years, and it’s been good. I hope to change to someday, commit wholly to my wife. She’s a great woman, wife, and mother to my kids. Everyone loves her, and I like it like that.
I have learnt to love her, even fallen in love with her. And, I am doing everything possible not to disrespect her at home, because I am already doing that outside of our marriage. I hope to change for the better though.” – From A.A.S
No particular reason
“I can’t seem to think of a reason. Seriously, I do not know why I married her. Lol!” – From W.Y
“I’m turned on by a certain kind of body. My wife has that, and I wanted to wake up next to that content all my life. I don’t love her. I just love the body. It excites me. So much I am doing with the whole package in my bedroom. The love of my life is another woman. She’s beautiful and keeps me in my right senses. These are the two women I am dealing with currently. They both present different recipes to the meal. I am very nourished and balanced.” – From G.C
“She makes me forget all my troubles with her jokes. I’m easily depressed and she’s been the only antidote to my depression. I weighed the options of marrying for love or for a cure to my depression: And I chose the medicine to my problems. We’ve been married for 14 years, we have three beautiful kids and though we are not in love – we are doing very great. I don’t see the reason to cheat on a woman I respect and like to have around me.
I’m very shy, so the mere mention of sex is even an issue for me, though I love sex a lot. My wife know me like the back of her palm. Anytime she reads my horny mood, she’d just shout, “Charley, make we f**k eh?” And then I would rush for it. Our sex life is great. We have sex four times a week or so, and I could go as many rounds in a day.
The family is together. Faithfulness is a choice, Dave. We are not in love, yet married with the understanding of each other’s needs. We talk about everything, and we are not bothered we don’t tell each other ‘I love you’. We are just cool. Why we seem to be clicking and doing better without the element of ‘Falling in Love’, and those marrying for ‘Love’ rather are cheating on their spouses, baffles me.” – From S.Q
Any rich man’s second/third wife
“I wanted to marry a rich man. I did not care about his age or marital status: He just had to be rich. So, I programmed my mind to be any rich man’s second or third wife. I wasn’t interested in being a first wife. I wasn’t interested in the whole love theories. I was young, and still young in my mid-30s. I have been married for some time now to my ideal husband. I am a second wife, as desired. I know my husband is seeing other women, but frankly, I am not bothered. I haven’t been and will never be, because I anticipated all these before agreeing to marry him. Rich men attract a lot of baggage. That’s why I am a certain young man’s sugar mummy also, and it’s been an interesting ride. I am living my dream life at the moment. No complains!” – From G.B
I got pregnant
“Per your request for the survey on why I married my spouse: I married him because I got pregnant whilst we were dating. And I couldn’t handle the situation of being pregnant out of wedlock.” – From S.K
“I live in Europe, and have hustled to be where I am today. I left Ghana as a young man. I visit as and when. I have kids, and was not looking forward to marriage again. My first wife was a white woman to secure my documents here. After naturalizing, we went our separate ways. The kinds of things I have done to survive here, to get the kind of education I have, hmmm! And so, due to all these experiences, love and marriage hasn’t really been my thing. I’ve slept with married women, I have slept with married and single men, been an escort, and the list goes on and on. My mum had been pushing me to settle in a marriage again, so I chose one of those desperate young girls, wanting to date a ‘borga’, to marry. I have a home in Ghana, and she’s the wife there. She visits me here sometimes. I go to her too. I like her, she makes me laugh sometimes. She wants us to have kids, but I am not sure I want any more at my age. I don’t trust her 100% because she was sleeping with me when I used to visit Ghana, as a married man.
I like her ambition, and the fact that, she did not give up on me. I love being with men more, but I had to marry her to make my late mother happy.” – From J.Z
He is intelligent
“I agreed to marry my husband because I loved him so so much, that I couldn’t let go. I naturally fell in love with him because of his intelligence. I believe my husband is very intelligent, and has proven to me over my 14 years of knowing him that it is true. As far as he continues to stay on top of every game with his head, I can just continue falling in love with him every minute” – From J.K
My Ugly duckling
I married my husband because he wasn’t that good looking in my eyes. I doubt if he was any woman’s preference. That was an intentional choice. As you can see, I am very beautiful, and used to have all these handsome men coming my way. I dated a number of them, and they were all cheating and lying. I had my heart broken over again till I had had enough of them. I decided to date or marry a man I found to be ugly. Reasons being, an ugly man would hold unto a beautiful woman tightly, because he would know he isn’t deserving of me. And, my husband knows he’s hit the jackpot. He used to tell me that all the time.
Now, he’s gotten so used to me, he’s started to misbehave. He feels ‘big’ because he’s making a lot of money today, drives a nice car and has beautiful kids with me. I’m just timing him. One of these days he will know his level.” – From L.A.S
“I don’t believe in love. I believe in cash. Money I can see, touch and trust. Love is a spirit. I don’t trust any spirit hovering around me, so I married for the money. Women, we’ve got to survive. I don’t mind not sharing similar interests with my husband. I am not passionate about him, and it doesn’t bother me the least. He’s not an attractive man to me, though handsome to the girls he is sleeping with. I got what I wanted and it’s an achievement. Whenever I feel very secure in my finances, I will take the walk out of this marriage with my children.” – From J.B
His love for God attracts
“He loves God, and is very ‘Ogyatious’ for the things of The Lord. He’s spiritually tough and mature too. When he speaks, he speaks the mind of God. I am physically NOT attracted to my husband. He is not my ‘type’, but because of his heart for God, I considered agreeing to marriage: With the hope that, he wouldn’t be like the cheating breed of men out there. Sometimes, I look at him from head to toe, and I can’t help but giggle. I get surprised at myself too, for marrying such a human. Lol! But on a more serious note, I am very worried for myself because it seems like I have met my ‘metre’. I have been open to the man I think I am truly connected to. He is a guy our firm did transactions with. Dave, please I will need all the spiritual help all the saints following your platform can offer… Because this girl is on fire anytime I set my eyes on that dude. I think I will fail this test this year.” – From B.T
“I was tired of being alone and taking care of myself. I needed someone else to also do it unto me for a change. And he’s doing that. He thinks I deserve to be treated as a queen. I married a great man. He helps me in the kitchen to cook, he helps me with washing and cleaning. He’s practically around to make the home our home. I’ve never felt overwhelmed with house chores since we married. He doesn’t stress me. He respects me. Our kids love him. I love him too. He gets me.” – From Y.A
She understands my sexual needs
“She’s the whorish whore I ever needed in my bedroom. She f**ks so right, my mind leaves my body anytime she rides on me. Always on point when it comes to sex. Outwardly, she’s the finest lady to keep in hand for showoffs. I love her, though I married her for f**ks sake. Love just came along. We’ve done 13 years already, and I’m yet to cheat. I think she’s enough for me. I’m her f**king idiot” – From I.B
My ‘Yes-Man’ man
“I always found it very difficult to say, “No!” to him in particular. I love/like him but I’m not in love with him. He’s a wonderful guy. My parents approve of him. My friends like him. He’s hardworking, very focused and kind. He knows what he wants and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It hurts me that he’s the only one into this our marriage. Maybe I will also fall in love with him in the future. Hmmm!” – From E.A
Tick tock, tic tok
“I heard my biological clock tick. I had male friends who liked me but did not meet the criteria in my list. That kind of man I wanted for a husband wasn’t them. My ‘husband figure’ wasn’t coming my way either, so I chose the obvious, settling with the next available male friend who was pursuing me for a serious relationship. I had to have kids too. I was 36, and single. He is a good man and father to our kids.” – From F.W
“I was in love with my wife. A mistake I will never commit in my next life. Love should be a reason to date or be exclusive with someone. Love shouldn’t be the reason to marry. I didn’t know all these until I was married. I regret not being told the truth that love fades, because ours faded years ago. I wish I wasn’t married. I would have preferred being in love and not married than my present status.” – From K.K