Stay Woke

“I sometimes hate making tough decisions. The fear of picking the wrong options oftentimes leaves me confused and nothing gets done, and if it’s an important issue I am concerned about, then the problem ends up growing bigger and bigger.”Bondze

“Good evening David,

Yesterday, I just happened to have sat in the same taxi with my husband’s ex-wife. I know her by face because I have seen pictures of her which my husband had thrown away somewhere in the house. Dave, she’s a very nice woman, and though older than me, still looks better in shape and form. She’s a beautiful woman by all standards. And from what ensued after greeting her, I realized she probably knew about me too. Before I say what I want to say, let me first clear what might be ringing in your head: I met my husband a year after his divorce (at least, that’s what he’s made me to understand). I did not know about him when he was married to his ex-wife.

Now that that has been cleared, let me tell you what happened… When I was dating my husband, I asked him about his past relationship, and he told me they weren’t compatible. He also told me living with her was like running through a minefield. ‘She was a jealous woman, always assuming every lady he’s friends with is out to take him away from her.’ He called his ex ‘a whore, a liar, bitter and a pain in the ass’. She was a nag, materialistic, always reminding him of his flaws and past mistakes, reading meanings into every action he takes, too clingy, takes his phone to monitor his conversations with friends, etc.’ were a few of the descriptions he threw at her. He also said, she tried killing him at a point. All these accusations are one-sided, they could be true or false but those were his reasons for divorcing his ex.

My husband is a very busy man, so we can’t be around each other all the time, and I don’t think I would want to be in such a relationship, being around someone I love every moment of every day – so we give each other a degree of independence, because there is trust. I trust him not to betray what we are building together.

She asked of my husband and I told her he is fine. She then asked where he was. I told her he had traveled to Kumasi, because he had traveled to Kumasi. She asked to show me something, and directed the taxi driver to change his route. I didn’t find any of this ‘crazy’ because she was once married  to my husband. And, she didn’t look and sound like a ‘crazy’ person. We got to a gated apartment, and my husband’s car was parked there. I was shocked because he was to return to Accra on Sunday or Monday, depending on their last meeting. I called his phone, and he said he had just finished with a third meeting and was heading to his hotel room, in his car. My husband wouldn’t leave his precious car anywhere he isn’t. His ex-wife gave me all the days and times he came to that particular place, and told me to “stay woke!”

Dave, I am very happy in my marriage. I have seen how scary it is for a woman to make the decision to leave her marriage. That fear I have seen in some of my friends just for being alone, and not to mention the likelihood of an unknown future after a divorce. That feeling of sadness and grief when we have to let go of something we cherish, etc. I haven’t suspected my husband to be cheating on me since we met, because he’s never given me any reason to doubt him. I still don’t know if he’s in that apartment, and in Accra as a matter of fact. But that number plate is his car.

Is this woman trying to sow seeds of doubt and confusion into me, or am I living in a fool’s paradise? Do I need to start questioning my husband’s conducts to prove a point to him? Because Dave, I really love to be married.”

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