When I was a kid, I used to giggle anytime I read the Songs of Solomon, from the Bible. Even at a Sunday school age, I loved what I read: I mean, the audaciousness and the blatant plainness at which the writer would describe the sexual being was selxy. Lol! I wasn’t a ‘bad’ boy, no. I just loved how the Bible wouldn’t be ashamed to call breasts, BREASTS. Tight thighs, THIGHS! Damn! It was a glorious childhood in my imagination. I grew early for my age when it came to those terms. There was no hiding or veiling of what was happening or about to happen as two loved ones decided to explore one another in bed. – DBM
David Bondze (DB): Hey!
DB: Yes please.
FW: How are you?
DB: I am doing alright, thanks for asking. How are you doing?
FW: Hmmm! I guess fine. I shouldn’t be complaining, right?
DB: What’s the problem?
FW: That’s the problem, because I don’t even know if I have a problem.
DB: If it bothers you, it’s a problem. If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s a problem. If it unsettles you, yet makes you want to assume it’s nothing, it’s something.
DB: Would you want me to recommend a marriage counselor?
FW: I got married to a fine man. I love him. I used to think I could love everything about him, but I am realizing I may not be able to.
DB: How long have you been married?
FW: We will be four years in May.
DB: Okay! You have kids?
FW: Not yet.
DB: Okay! How old are you?
DB: And your husband?
FW: 38 years.
FW: We dated for two and a half years before marriage.
DB: That’s cool. So, let’s get back to your earlier statement: what don’t you like about your husband?
FW: I have not seen his full nakedness before.
DB: What do you mean by ‘full nakedness’?
FW: I’ve only seen him shirtless, and when he’s in shorts, his legs in broad day light.
FW: I’ve never seen his genitals before, never seen his pubic hairs, and not seen his butt. I just get to feel them in the dark, during sex.
DB: I don’t understand.
FW: Neither do I.
DB: No, no! I mean, I don’t get what you are saying.
FW: We have sex only in the dark.
DB: You mean, in the evenings?
FW: And at dawn. But the lights always have to be off.
DB: So, you’ve not seen his d**k before?
DB: But he has a d**k?
DB: I had to ask.
FW: He does. I’ve touched it before, performed oral on it before, but only in the dark.
DB: Wait ooo.
DB: You don’t bath together?
FW: We have not done that before.
DB: Does he know what your body contours look like in sight?
FW: He does.
DB: How is that then possible? How did he see yours?
FW: Sometimes, I would be bathing and he would walk in just to admire me.
DB: I see. And, have you tried doing that, also, to him?
FW: He locks the bathroom door when bathing.
DB: You must be kidding me?
DB: So, what if you need to use the wash room the very same time he’s using it?
FW: We live in a five bedroom home. He would always ask me to use any of the other washrooms.
DB: You dated for almost three years. Would I be right to assume you were engaging in sex?
FW: We were having sex, and yes, it was also in the dark.
DB: And, it did not bother you?
FW: It did, but he was of the view that, until we were legally married, he was going to keep my curiosity in suspense.
DB: And, you are almost doing four years in marriage?
DB: Your hands do a lot of walking and exploring during sex, right?
FW: It does, and he seems to have all that I need in a man. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to see it in the light.
DB: Has he given you any reasons?
FW: At first, he said he was shy. That was when we were dating. Then he came up with the ‘until we are married’ excuse. Now, he claims he just feels uncomfortable letting me see his nakedness.
DB: His wife?
FW: Hmmm. Dave, I am aroused when a man undresses before me. That, makes me wet.
DB: Can this be a problem for you in the marriage?
FW: I used to not let it bother me, but Dave, the more I think about it, the worried I become. And it’s not healthy for my marriage.
DB: No, it’s not healthy.
FW: One holiday, he returned from his gulf games to find me naked in the couch, legs opened and all. It turned him on, took advantage of the moment, but with oral sex only. We had actual sex in the evening.
DB: What could he be hiding down there?
FW: That’s the same question I keep asking myself. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?
DB: I don’t like the sound of this.
FW: What is going through your mind?
DB: I am just asking myself what would make me want to hide my most vital of statistics from the one I love.
FW: He loves me, that, I know.
DB: Put the light on him at dawn to check things out while he’s asleep.
FW: Does he even sleep?
DB: Everybody sleeps.
FW: He’s always awake the most times I have woken up at dawn to urinate or want to unzip his pants.
DB: Unzip his pants? What does he wear to bed?
FW: Jeans trousers or shorts.
DB: Oh, boi.
FW: It’s just a no go area for me. He’s making that point very clear. I guess I need to submit to that also.
DB: Submission does not mean that you are the only one to be doing all the giving. Your husband is supposed to also give you what you want. You want to see him stark naked, he has to submit his willingness to that.
FW: He will never do that.
DB: That’s a selfish man then.
FW: Hmmm. We video chat a lot when he travels, and I am the one always doing the showing.
DB: Why do you have to show him?
FW: Dave, he asks for it, and I don’t want to deny my husband pleasure.
DB: But he denies you yours.
FW: Hmmm. I am getting used to it. I don’t want to lose a good man simply because of my request.
DB: This shouldn’t be a request. ‘And the two shall be one’. It’s his responsibility to satisfy the imaginations of your eyes, when you close them.
FW: Sometimes, I see him looking at other women seductively. I don’t want to enable him to start cheating on me.
DB: If a man wants to cheat on you, he will cheat on you, regardless. He just has to think it, and he will figure the rest out, with or without your consent.
FW: I know.
DB: Your husband’s watching of other women’s body wouldn’t lure him into going to bed with them if everything is right at your home.
FW: I know.
DB: Is everything right at home?
DB: Why ‘Hmmm’?
FW: I have a picture of his penis on my phone. He sent it to me some time ago when I refused to share that of my private part with him, on one of his travels. That was a year after we had married.
DB: That doesn’t make sense. If he can share a picture of it, why can’t he show you in daylight?
FW: It doesn’t make sense, does it?
DB: Unless the picture he sent isn’t that of his penis. Hmmm!
FW: What do I do?
DB: Can you live without knowing for the rest of your lives together?
FW: I don’t know, Dave. I don’t know.
DB: That, is a problem. If you don’t know, then it’s a problem.
FW: But I love my husband very much. Is that good enough?
DB: Love is not good enough in this context. Knowing you have seen and can adore your husband’s d**k, waistline and butt, in your head, will be good enough.
FW: My pastor also says this shouldn’t be an issue between us. I should cope with it.
DB: Forget about what your pastor is saying. Is he the one wanting to fantasize on your husband’s d**k?
DB: What is your husband hiding from you? I don’t want to think outside of the box.
FW: Or his marriage to me was for some ritual? It has occurred to me a couple of times, you know?
DB: That’s why I am saying I don’t want to think wild. Was he always like this with his exes? You need information about him from his friends.
FW: When we were dating, I was friends with one of his roommates at the university. He once told me he had bumped into him and a campus girlfriend he had, having sex in their hostel. They had missed the afternoon lecture to hook up. So, he’s had sex in the day.
DB: Will you be okay if I post this on my page for alternative views?
FW: I will be okay. Thanks.