Trust is needed for a marriage to survive. You trust your partner but does he or she trust you? Do you have anything to hide? Are you an open book? How would you feel if you got to know your husband or wife was spying on you? Why would someone you love be monitoring your every move? Are they just suspicious? Are they simply insecure? Do they want to control or remold you into their own image? Or is it just love in your best interest? – DBM

#MyChatWithHim

CAZ: Hello David. How are you?

David Bondze (DB): I am doing alright. How are you doing?

CAZ: I’m fine. Can we chat?

DB: Yes please.

CAZ: Thanks. I think my wife initiated me into something I wasn’t aware of.

DB: ‘Initiated’ is a strong choice of word oo.

CAZ: Well, I couldn’t think of any better word. Because it’s either that or she’s a witch.

DB: Come on!

CAZ: True. She’s trying to control my life and that is not a good thing.

DB: You have kids?

CAZ: Yes.

DB: You cannot tag the mother of your children as such.

CAZ: You’ve not even asked what she’s doing and you’re quickly jumping to her defense.

DB: Regardless, she deserves some respect.

CAZ: Don’t I also deserve respect in return? She doesn’t respect my privacy.

DB: What has your wife done?

CAZ: I don’t know how to explain it, but I think she’s into witchcraft or something.

DB: You’ve still not said anything about what she’s done.

CAZ: I thought I mentioned the invasion of my privacy?

DB: How is she doing that?

CAZ: It’s like, she sees everything I do.

DB: But you live in the same house with her, of course she’s going to be a witness to a lot of the things that you do?

CAZ: I’m not talking about home. She sees everything I do outside of the house.

DB: That cannot be possible.

CAZ: It is for her. I think the only thing she’s unable to see and know are my thoughts. Aside that, I’m her feature film.

DB: Smh!

CAZ: Don’t shake your head, Dave. I’m really terrified staying married to her.

DB: How long have you been married?

CAZ: 10 years.

DB: I see.

CAZ: Yeah!

DB: And, at which point in your lives together did you start noticing all those things you’re accusing her of?

CAZ: Two weeks after our wedding.

DB: You two dated before marriage, right?

CAZ: We did. For three years actually.

DB: And, you did not notice any of the said accusations?

CAZ: No!

DB: So, what changed?

CAZ: I don’t know.

DB: Hmmm!

CAZ: I honestly do not know.

DB: Two weeks after your wedding, what happened?

CAZ: We were still on our honeymoon, and I had gone to town to buy something, alone. I saw a brand of perfumes and was asking the cashier to help me choose the type a woman would love. The cashier selected her choice for me to buy. Right there, my wife texted me not to buy that brand I was going to pay for. The shocking part of it is, she named the exact brand I was holding in my hand, in the text.

DB: Lol! You’re kidding me! Lol!

CAZ: I swear! In fact, I turned to look around the shop to be sure I wasn’t being followed. I wish I was kidding you, but I’m not. She asked me not to buy it but rather, bring her the money. David, I had not mentioned anything about buying her a gift when I was leaving the house. I called to ask her how she knew, and she just laughed. All she said was, “I know you”.

DB: Hmmm! That’s kinda creepy.

CAZ: You’ve not heard anything yet. A few months later, I was at work when she called to inform me about being pregnant with our first kid. We were both excited on the phone until she drew my attention to a cockroach sitting on one of the files on my desk. I had been in that office since morning and hadn’t noticed anything in the space until she drew my attention to it. I turned to where the files were and there was a cockroach.

DB: That’s weird!

CAZ: The thought of it made me put my other hand to feel my dick, just there, she asked why I had my hand in my pants.

DB: Huh?

CAZ: That was the beginning of my worries. I did not like the sound of it, and I did not like the idea of being married to her.

DB: Hmmm!

CAZ: One time, I had traveled to one of the African countries for weeks, to work, and needed to f**k. I was very horny. The hotel had very pretty ladies always knocking on doors, wanting to know whether you needed sexual partners. I found one knock attractive and wanted to get laid. My wife called the hotel to be connected to my room phone to talk me out of it.

DB: Hmmm! How is she able to do that?

CAZ: She says all she does is to close her eyes and think about me. And then I appear to her, like a dream. Is this not witchcraft?

DB: I don’t know.

CAZ: I have been scared of making any mistakes in our 10 years of marriage. Always living on caution. Always alert in my dealings. She would ask for money the days I make certain bonuses, and I am not able to refuse because she knows it all.

DB: This is not good.

CAZ: I told you. But when we were dating, I could do my own thing, f**k around, keep secrets and all, and I loved life that way. I still married her, because I loved her. Having multiple partners every now and then doesn’t mean a man does not love his wife. Men need that freedom to feel alive. My wife is killing my mood and interest to want to be a man. Now, I have to always be telling the truth. I can’t live like this, Dave.

DB: If what you are describing is anything to go by, then she should be reading our chat, or?

CAZ: I don’t give a F**K! I’m tired of all this manipulation. Even God who sees all things gives us the choice to live.

DB: You’re funny, you know?

CAZ: Why do you say that?

DB: You don’t fear GOD! The One who created your wife, the GOD who sees far beyond your wife’s reach, but you fear your wife? Smh!

CAZ: I am not happy in my marriage.

DB: Is your wife a good woman?

CAZ: She’s a good woman, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a woman who sees all of my moves. She’s threatened to harm me if I ever cheat on her.

DB: That’s not right. Why should she threaten you? That’s not right.

CAZ: I think I am going to divorce her. I’ve done 10 years of living in fear. It’s enough. I remember when we were exchanging vows on our wedding day, she wouldn’t stop staring into my eyes. I think I started getting scared from that point. She would squeeze my hand if I couldn’t look into her eyes anymore while reciting my vows. When it was her turn to say hers, she would pause anytime I took my eyes off hers. She would only continue saying the vows if I looked back deep into her eyes. Does this make any sense to you?

DB: But there’s nothing wrong with looking into the eyes of the woman you love to say your vows?

CAZ: Dave, my wife is controlling my movements like a puppet. Do you know on our wedding night she made me cum inside of her mouth for her to swallow instead of leaving them inside her vagina?

DB: Okay, I don’t want to know anymore.

CAZ: And I had never done that before while dating her. She used to insist on looking into her eyes during sex after marriage. Something she never asked for when we were dating. I think that was the genesis of her controlling mechanism.

DB: So, if you separate the deed from the doer, would you still be hating on her? Her eyes wandering into your private life without your permission is bad, but the woman is not bad, and you attest to that.

CAZ: I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in this kind of prison.

DB: Do you love your wife?

CAZ: Dave, I think you’ve not been listening to me.

DB: I have. Do you love your wife?

CAZ: I don’t think I love her anymore.

DB: Because of this?

CAZ: Can you live with this, honestly, Dave?

DB: I don’t know.

CAZ: I want to tell little white lies, I want flirt with other women, I want to have other kinds of sex, but not with only my wife. I want to earn certain monies for my keep. I want to make foolish mistakes and repent. I want to be somewhere without her knowing exactly where. I want to say certain things and get away with them. I haven’t been able to do any of that in the past 10 years. I am stuck and I don’t want to be stuck all in the name of marriage.

DB: You think she loves you?

CAZ: I am done talking about love. Love is not freaking selfish!

DB: If you keep looking at your wife as an unacceptable person who has a host of intolerable, undesirable behaviors, you will forever not see and appreciate the plenty good qualities she possesses… Because you wouldn’t be watching out for them.