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Rough Road

She’s been trying to have a baby with her husband for years but it’s just not happening. Then her husband finds out for the first time about her abortion history. Would you be upset by the knowledge of your wife’s disturbing past? Say, she slept with four men in three weeks before meeting you? Or enjoyed one-night-stands or a threesome, had an abortion or two, or was raped, etc. would this revelation drastically, change you or your attitude towards her? 

Responses from Men:

“I judge people based on how they treat me NOW, in the present, and not how they behaved in the past because we should remember that:
1. We ALL have a past, and it’s not been rose scented for a lot of us as well.
2. Our past heavily influences how we behave NOW. If we behave well now, isn’t it because our past played a certain role?
The past remains in the past, UNLESS, it intrudes into the present. One reason I don’t tolerate exes.
Peace.” – Kofi Gbedemah

“I would rather not know at all. What about my past too? So, the point is, at a point in someone life, something may have happened when I was not there. That doesn’t write off the person. Even if I get to know, I may have to accept my spouse – as that is in the past. Unless of course, there is evidence of it being a current practice.” – Mak Agorsor

“Rape and multiple sexual partners can be overlooked, but abortions, prostitution are not things that one will easily overlook, because they have a long-term effect on the marriage. It’s very easy to say “oh, your past is your past”, but when you’re in that position, you’ll see it differently. Those are things that must be discussed and when I still love you, and want to still go ahead with you, I’d know what I’m getting into. No unpleasant surprises.” – Eli Evans

“Disappointed I will be, mistrust and confused yes! But I can’t change the past I have no control over. I will still have her as a wife if only I have not seen traces of her past in our marriage. We’re imperfect beings striving for perfection” – Anthony Yankson

I “mostly” grew with my friends, and I don’t think I even know most about them and that should be okay to the extent of our friendship. Everyone’s a friend in the same way because, I don’t know who should be avoided because of the past and I don’t know who should be avoided because of the present, and I don’t know who should be avoided because of the soon (future) happenings. The world is my family.” – Nana Arkoful

“The past is the past, let it remain there.” – Randy Tawiah

“Ideally I shouldn’t change and it shouldn’t matter if she has proven to have taken a new leaf.
But the reality is that such revelations, especially if they are exposed unintentionally, can test my trust and confidence in that person, so I may try but I will struggle a lot to shake it off. Hopefully, I will in the end, but I may not.” – Yaw Esar

“If Jesus Christ didn’t use my past against me why should I a mere mortal being use one against someone. May God have mercy.” – Bismark O-S Adu

I will change. In my case, I have been on the streets before. I have been bad before but since I have changed, I will tell about my past because I’m no longer into it. Even if I don’t tell you, one day, friends will pass comments. I expect you to do same if you don’t tell me it’s likely you can go back to it.” – Nii Ammah

“It is called past for a reason! It is a fool who gives away his present and future simply based on a past!” – Hilton Idahosa

“I may not change drastically, but maybe, gradually, depending on how heavy the past is. It will always look like a betrayal on the first time of hearing the past.” – Yaw Mensah David

“That’s her past. I also have pasts she doesn’t know but past is past.” – Paa Kwesi

“I assume she isn’t a virgin? If she has had an abortion, I can’t see that as something. If she has been raped, I hope she has been helped to address the trauma. Being a sex worker in the past, hmmm, we all need work to earn a living to bring food on the table.” – Mathias Sogaard

“Yes, I would change drastically when I find out my lady was raped before. I would become even more sensitive and more caring than I might have been before already. All the other cases I do not see the need to change at all. For the abortion, I would just try to find out the reasons for doing so. As for prostitution, I do not see a problem with it at all. I know many people won’t agree with me, but it is still an honest way for a woman to make a living if she likes it that way, and as long as it is not forced prostitution. As for multiple sex partners, well, I guess we all have been young and most of us have not been angles and he/she who is without sin may cast the first stone. 🙂

I had actually my fair share when I got married. My wife had a child of 13 years and I had no problem with it at all (those who have problems with such thing are in my humble opinion, sorry to say, nuts.) A few days after the wedding, whilst we were relaxing after a round of…… on our bed, she started mumbling and stuttering a bit till she said: “Det, there is something I have to confess to you.”
Well, the confession was about having another son, barely 2 years younger than the other one and that he lives with the family of the father who himself works in SA. Since the child had already fallen into the well, as we like to say, I did not say much, I only asked her one question and that was: “And why is he not staying with us?”
You could hear the burden falling off from her heart and all of a sudden she was all over me again and within a weeks’ time, the boy too came to stay with us. So no matter the past of your wife you may discover, don’t change, it is not worth it unless of cause, you discover she poisoned her first husband.” – Detlef Kattenstroth

“A murderer cannot be forgiven. That’s the only past I’ll worry about.” – Billings Tanaa

“The only one act that anyone will overlook is rape, even that, the person needs to know the circumstances so he/she can make room/ psyche him/herself up for that. The rest were done by them on their own volition and they need to be ready to face the tune. People who have had their own fair share of that life will be quick to say ‘overlook it’ or something similar but the ones who endured everything to come clean will not take it lying down! After all, every good favor deserves another.” – Alfred Tay

“That’s why the word is ‘Past’. It is in the past. As long as she is no more doing those things, it is cool. Moreover, if she told us from the beginning, does that mean we won’t get involve with them because of that past? People make mistakes, we all do and people change, people evolve over time, so one’s past actually to me, makes no difference in dating or marrying them. The person they were definitely is different from who they are now.” – McCathy Wood-Amankwah

“Absolutely not. We all have a skeleton in our cupboards. If she’s turned a new leaf why should I be so hard on her. She may have a reason for the past and a reason for keeping a secret. We can’t be trusted in this generation. If that past isn’t directly affecting our present and future, I’ll just let go and love her more.” – Danny Arthur-Essuman Jnr

“I have thought myself to relate to people not based on who they are or what they did in the past, but who I am, what I stand for and how we can improve together. After all, my faith teaches me that our salvation covers our past, present and even possible, future mistakes.” – Mershack Kwao

“It depends on her current behavior. If she is what she is still before I met her, then no problem. But if I realize that she is going back to the behavior she hid from me then I will have a word with her before I change my mind for good. I may have done worse things than her so no need judging her from her past behavior when she has turned a new leaf.” – Odehyieba Kofi

“We might sit here and say “her past is her past” but I think it has to do with the weight of this “past”. In order to save myself from the whole mental stress, I’d rather not ask anything at all. There are certain information we really do not need. Obi past information nu, wodi b3y3 d3n?” – Just Premier

“Although it will hit me very hard, but trust me, I won’t change towards her as long as she is clean and not doing anything behind my back – we’re good” – Perry Ali

“David, please no man would want to know certain things about the past of his woman but if for once he gets to know that the lady is communicating with anyone about her past and it looks as if there is something fishy, there would be hate. Every single person has a bad past depending on what a partner would consider bad, so we all need to be fair to each other, the way we behave.” – Ahadzi Avuworda

“If only you don’t have a past of your own. People make mistakes and grow from it. I don’t have a problem. It’s her past” – Murphy Windsor

“Why hold someone’s past against her or him? For some were not fortunate to have good guidance growing up. So, they made a mess of themselves but who are we or you to judge? So, to avoid such occurrence teach the child the way he or she should go and when they do, they wouldn’t depart from it. Save yourself the old age stress now by introducing them properly to Christ Jesus, and not just church.” – Francis Brew-Boamah

“To me, the past does not matter to because if I have to do with the past, I’d rather go and correct things that I didn’t do well. Since I can’t do that for myself, then I can’t as well hold it against my partner. And also, if in the present days she is still leading that kind of life, then I would have every reason to react to her behavior and also, use her past as reference.” – Daniel Adjei

“Nope, it’s her past. Unless she decides to exhibit traits of her past, I would sit her down for a discussion. Life is short to be worrying about past issues.” – Robert Nartey

“Truth is everyone has at least one thing that he/she has kept as a secret and would not in any way tell anyone unless “discovered”. This practice is called mental toughness. It proves that indeed, you’re a “man” and mentally strong. It only the drunkard or mad person who has no secret.
NB. When the act is not “needed” to be told, keep and bury it!” – Nene Abladey

“The only thing that will make me change towards her would be a grievous act done during the subsistence of our marriage. I regard past acts as past, after all I’ll have my secrets too.” – David Newton

“If I’ve ever asked and she’s lied about it, then it would break my trust for her completely but if we’ve never talked about it and I find out, its different.” – Kwasi Papa

“If it has no effect on our present, why bother?” – Reginald Dollie

“Past is past. Humans are to change from errors” – Dorleagbenu Bani

“I won’t change but my mind will do me basabasa anytime I see her.” – Kwame Debrah

“Yes! Especially abortion, lot of sexual partners and prostitution.” – Nana Kwami

“Truthfully, every man would undergo some changes. There are 2 ways of getting to the truth and finding out on your own is worse. If she tells you she can help you though it but if you find out that’s a whole different solitary mind-boggling painful experience. The trust will probably be gone forever.” – Kwaku Whetstone

“I can let go rape since it was no fault of hers. Multiple partners, I wouldn’t really mind because I already knew she wasn’t a virgin, and other guys had eaten before me. But for prostitution and abortions, I may take a walk if she hid them from me, because that could have rippling effect on my current relationship with her. It’ll also depend on who the person is presently, and how convincingly clean she comes with me on that score.” – Randy Coleman

“I will change small for some time then I’ll factory reset.” – Worlanyo Gawu

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