Awful things do happen; we cannot change that fact. However, the manner in which we respond to some of these unfortunate occurrences defines our character, and also, the quality of our lives. We have the choice to grief, be miserable, be broken by the gravity of these incidents, or choose to mature above the pain and appreciate the gift of life and experience given us by that past. Losing a loved one through death is very painful. – DBM
“My mother visited me from the village. She used to do that a lot, especially when she was bored or missed me; she’d just carry her bag and baggage to surprise me at the office. The impromptu office visitations, during working hours – was becoming unbecoming, so I had to give her a key to my house. Come to think of it, that was all she wanted to achieve; for me to be fed up with her unannounced visits to my workplace, so I hand her own key to my house.
And, she wouldn’t keep quiet and sit at one place too when she visits my office: She had to talk to everyone, know about their personal lives, and then compare them to my single life – if they were married. And for some reason, my boss liked her: And for that very reason (Boss liking her) I had to figure out a way to keep her as far away from my office as possible. My boss was a widower, about Three (3) years older than my Mum. He married her eventually. But that’s not why I am sending in my story. This is about my proposal.
Dave, I’ve been following your series on Proposals, and one lesson seems to be ringing through almost all of the stories, that, things happen for a reason. No doubt about the fact that, when things are going badly, as human as we are, there is always a tempting itch to shut down and shut off, to give in, and sometimes even want to give up. We tend to get bitter, offended, angry, vindictive, miserable, self-destructive and antisocial. I’ve been there, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.
My mother was supposed to meet me at the office at noon, so I drove her to see a dentist. She came by the office on time, however had forgotten to put off the gas in my kitchen. She was warming something on fire, and had forgotten all about it. My Mum was in her early 60’s and lapses from time to time in her memory could be attributed to normal aging, especially during menopause. But she left the fire on, and that, was a problem for me.
The fact that she did not remember she had put food on fire before leaving home – was worrying. We got home around 8:30 PM to find a stranger in my house. He worked with the Electricity Company of Ghana. Then, it wasn’t Pre-Paid. He had come to read the meter and leave the bill, but saw smoke coming from the house. He knocked and screamed for someone to put whatever fire was on, off, but no one was home. So he had to break my door down, in order to put the fire off.
He waited for me to return before leaving because there was no one to secure the place. The main door had been broken down. I thanked him, took his contact number, and then called a carpenter to fix the door. After that day, my almost burnt house became the joke between us – whenever we talked or texted on phone. It was through him, actually, that I also got to know that, if anyone from his company or the Water Company, came over to read the meter, I had to ensure whatever was recorded on their sheets, was the exact figures showing on the meter – that very day. He claimed, some of them, himself inclusive, often would exaggerate the records (depending on the area you live, and the kind of house you lived in) for you to pay much, so a corrupt number of them, who knew about what was up, (the figure-inflations), would do their deductions and manipulations, to clear their cash.
I found a new friend in him. He wasn’t so educated or the ‘type’ of guy I would ordinarily, consider dating, but he proved to be the perfect gentleman. He loved his job, though it made him walk and sweat around a whole lot. I was never a fan of marriage, nope! I loved my independence very much. I would always doubt anyone claiming to be ‘in love’ because they had found their ‘soulmate’ or ‘true love’. None of that made any sense to me, because most of the men pursuing me then, of which I rejected, over and over again, were all either married or committed to other women – they had probably, promised marriage to. It was like, everyone was just rushing into marriage because they feared being alone.
The other thing also was, I loved to sleep ALONE! Sharing my bed wasn’t an option. I had also been a witness to marriages that were overly controlling. The men used ‘marriage’ to control their once independent, self-willed, intelligent wives. I believed marriage meant, living your life for/to please another (a husband), which I wasn’t ready for. I loved my life enough to live for me! Dave, I didn’t need another person to make me happy or feel complete. I wanted to be the reason for my own success and happiness. The other truth was, I had had several abortions for many men in the past years, who weren’t ready to father any more kids, because they had had enough already, with their wives. A doctor warned me about the possibility of me not conceiving again. And, knowing today’s Man, who would want kids someday, I could only imagine the risks.
Just imagine me: Meeting this ‘savior’, whom I thought was great. Even my mother liked him. We enjoyed great conversations. A man I am always happy when I hear from him – if he calls or texts. A man I went out with a few times, though wasn’t really expecting much, but sooner than I thought, my feelings and interest had turned into attraction, that wouldn’t stop growing, day after day. There was enough calmness in our friendship. No unnecessary drama, no heart tremors… Just a nice feeling from deep within.
So, when this man and I started to partially like each other, I got scared. He compelled my every doubt about men, with his inner-man, his inner-strength, his inner-beauty. He showed me a different, and better taste in men. He didn’t force me to change – to want what he wanted, to settle down in a marriage. He did not convince me in any way to feel what I was feeling for him: LOVE! His intentions weren’t to ‘turn’ me, because I made him know I wasn’t interested in marriage. But Dave, he just loved me. That was that! Love was his only spoken language to me, morning, afternoon, evening… He liked me. He loved me!
My Mum got married to my boss. Well, I don’t know if they married, because there was no wedding or engagement. All I knew was, my boss was in my house, helping my mother with her things, into his car, to his home. They’ve been together since, traveling around the world.
I returned to the house one time, after work, and my house had no light. It wasn’t a general power-off. My neighbors had light, so it could only mean one thing, mine had been disconnected. I didn’t owe any bill. In fact, they rather owed me. I was furious. I called my guy’s phone on several occasions but there was no response. So, I had to rush to the Electricity Company’s office in my locality. The entire office was locked, except one door. I knocked and a familiar voice responded. I asked why he hadn’t picked my calls, and he said, he needed to pull me from my home to his office. I swear, it wasn’t the least funny. He then brought out food for the two of us to eat. I didn’t know what was going on. I told him about my light, and he smiled.
Why was he smiling? He did it! Lol!
Before him, my life was okay. It had darkness, but there were enough stars, you know, those points of brightness and purpose. It was moonless nights though. And then there was him: And suddenly, everything else seemed to be on fire. There was life, there was beauty, and there was brilliance when he asked me after the meal in his office, to marry him, so he on the light back in my life, and at my home.
I am sorry I couldn’t describe the whole episode so well with words, but he made my day. I said, “Yes!” and he took me home to connect the power back. He made passionate love to me that whole evening, and everything was never the same again. We planned our wedding date, and Eight (8) days to our Traditional wedding, he passed on in his sleep. We had printed our wedding invitation cards and sent them all out. Announcements had been made in Church.
Can you imagine, Dave, this fool made me fall in love with Church all over again, because he loved God, and the assembly of His people! We had bought our engagement stuffs, and were so much looking forward to our wedding day, and the fool left me to survive alone on earth without him.
Everything went black. Something had changed, and my eyes were blinded by the light he made me see and believe. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. No more moonlight. No more reason for anything.
Until I found out days later, that I had missed my period. Jr. is doing so well now. He looks just like his Dad.” –From RKN