“Parents have this twisted belief that anyone under the age of about twenty simply can’t know what love is, like the age to love is assessed in the same way the law assesses the legal age to drink. They think that the ‘emotional growth’ of a teenager’s mind is too underdeveloped to understand love, to know if it’s ‘real’ or not.
That’s completely asinine. The truth is that adults love in different ways, not the only way.” –
AN: Hello Mr. David
David Bondze (DB): Hello! How are you?
AN: Good. You?
DB: I am doing alright, thanks.
AN: I am 16 years old. Can you come to my level as we chat?
DB: And by your level, you mean?
AN: I mean the teenage level.
AN: Ok. I am in Senior High School.
DB: Oh, nice! Are you the lady in your profile picture?
DB: Interesting. You don’t look your age. You look very mature/older in the photo.
AN: Yes. That’s what I want to talk to you about.
DB: I’m all ears.
AN: A guy has proposed to me. He wants me to be his girlfriend.
DB: A colleague at school?
AN: No. He is a third year University student. I’m in an all-Girls institution.
DB: I see.
AN: They came to mentor students at our school, and I was part of his mentees.
DB: How long was the mentorship program?
AN: He’s supposed to mentor us till we are done with our High School education.
DB: How many are you in his group?
DB: How many ladies?
DB: What course are you studying in school?
DB: That’s nice. So, tell me more about the mentorship group. How many times in a week do you guys meet? Where do you meet?
AN: Once a week, and the venue is any of the available classrooms.
DB: Is it graded?
DB: Okay! How and where did he propose?
AN: He handed us study guides (Books) to read and he told me to start reading from page 45, after our session that week. I got to the dormitory and opened the 45th page, and there was his proposal on a small paper, folded in there.
DB: What was written on the paper?
AN: “I like you very much, and would want to help you in the best way I can. You are very beautiful, and I think of you a lot. If you are single, would you want to be my girlfriend?”
DB: And, what was your response to him?
AN: I told him I would have to think about it.
DB: And, what are you going to be thinking about?
AN: The proposal.
DB: Do you like him?
DB: How long have you two known each other?
AN: Since he was introduced to us as our mentor.
DB: How many months or years now?
AN: Almost five months.
DB: Have you had any one-on-one interaction with him, concerning anything else outside of the mentorship syllabus?
AN: Yes. He bought me a phone, so we could text and WhatsApp.
DB: Is the use of a phone authorized in your school?
DB: And, he knows this?
AN: Yes. I hide it very well. We have a specific time we chat in the day.
DB: How are things going with your studies?
DB: How are things going with his studies?
AN: The guy?
AN: I do not know.
DB: Okay. What do you know about him?
AN: I am yet to know him on a personal level.
DB: What do you like about him?
AN: Lol! He’s nice and very thoughtful. He looks at me always with a warm smile. He buys me stuffs too.
DB: Stuffs like what?
DB: What do you talk about in your texts?
AN: A lot.
AN: We talk about it.
DB: Who first brought up the subject of sex?
AN: He did.
DB: Have you had sex with him before?
AN: Not yet.
DB: Have you had sex with anyone before?
DB: At what age?
DB: You wouldn’t mind me asking with whom, would you?
AN: One of my JHS teachers.
DB: I see.
AN: Dave, should I accept the proposal?
DB: Why would you want to accept it?
AN: I don’t know. He likes me.
DB: You are 16 years, and I am looking at your age.
AN: What’s wrong with my age?
DB: Nothing is wrong with your age. I just feel you are young, and should rather concentrate on your studies. Science consumes a lot of attention.
AN: But what if he is the one meant for me in life?
DB: Whoever is meant to be yours to keep will find his way into your life effortlessly. You wouldn’t even have to consent to it. You will just know.
AN: I know I like this guy.
DB: You know about contraception?
DB: How about safe sex?
AN: I know about safe sex.
DB: Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)?
AN: I know about STIs.
DB: That’s good. Are you being pressured into the relationship?
AN: He is not pressuring me.
DB: Are you really interested in this guy, or you are just trying to also keep up with what some of your friends are doing?
AN: I am interested in him.
DB: And you are certain he’s that much into you?
AN: I don’t know.
DB: Would you be able to tell if something isn’t going well with the relationship, or his deeds?
DB: Are you a happy lady?
AN: Yes, I am a very confident woman. But I will be happier if someone loved me.
DB: Are your parents alive? Do you have siblings?
AN: Yes. But I am talking about intimacy.
DB: Well, you are an individual. If you feel you’re emotionally mature to commit to a relationship, and can be responsible for whatever will come out of it, why not?
AN: Is that your final advice to me?
DB: If you feel fate is what could be bringing you two together, then accept him. And learn to love him. Do all these with all of your heart.
AN: I’ve experienced heartbreak before. My first relationship put me through so much pain, and it forced me to eventually, shut any door to my heart.
DB: Oftentimes, it’s the shut doors that help you recognize the doors that are open.
AN: Thank you.
DB: You are welcome. All the events of/in your life has the prospective to teach you something new about your life’s story. It carries the insight to create a convincing narrative, if you accept your circumstances with all sincerity.