Everyday People

Oye

She found herself in a position I doubt would have known what to do – if I were to be in her shoes. Do we take our relationships for granted sometimes, even if we kind of, don’t intend to? Because, she had a happy relationship and marriage, and a man, the ‘right’ kind of man to keep. A man who appreciated her and did not take her for granted. Really, is sacrificing your happiness for someone a good sign or it ought to be mutual here? I’m confused. – DBM 

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I don’t know whether to refer to him as my husband or ex-husband in this post; because I am technically, still married to him, though the kids and I have not set our eyes on him in over two years. We’ve been married for five years. Ladies, I would want to say this passionately to you – if you’re reading this: Please choose your husbands carefully, because you’d only have yourself to blame if your marriage ends badly.

The man I married was a good man, my dream come true: very simple a guy, learned, courteous (he used “please” and “I am sorry” and “I love you” in his conversations with me, most of the time). A gentleman by all standards, well dressed, very kind and respectful, good sense of humor. He made me laugh like no other. And I loved being around him. He gave me a reason to want to be around him. That was the kind of man my husband was. He smiled at me with a smile that could melt iced-block.

I trusted him, because he did not give me any reason not to. I believed in him. I believed in every word that came out of his mouth. Our kids love him to a fault, and as to why he would leave us for two years and not reach out to us to find out how we are doing, truly breaks my heart. I think my saving grace has been the fact that, I built a good life for myself before meeting my husband. I had enough money saved. I am financially independent, and had not really depended on his money. If he felt like giving, I did not mind. If he refused to give, I still did not mind. I could do right by me, and I was very proud of that. He was a successful architect.

Dave, every woman ought to earn a living that would enable her pay for her own expenses. Especially, if you’re a married woman or a lady planning on getting married someday. Nothing is certain in this life, and it took my husband’s sudden absence from us to realize that. Your job is not promised. Your marriage or relationship is not promised. Your friendships are never guaranteed. Even your life is not promised forever. If your husband is the sole bread earner for the home, and you’re happy depending on him with the kids, then I’m sorry to break this news to you, you have a reason to be very worried. Even if he’s rich, and has promised you a comfortable life, lady, do not put your trust in his word. Find yourself a good job, go to school if you’d need that education to propel you to financial security. Trade in something legal and decent to earn a living.

Just do something for you to be comfortable within.

This is my experience: I was the lady of honor at a friend’s wedding, when my husband first approached me. He was part of the guys popping champagne at the reception. He came to whisper the most interesting thing I had ever heard said to me,

“Lady, you’re a very beautiful woman, and if you’re single, I’d want to marry you.”

That was our first meet. He knew me from nowhere. I knew him from nowhere. I laughed, but he was serious. He had this serious look written all over his face after the proposal. I ignored him. He called my phone days later, after taking my contact number from my friend’s husband. We became friends somehow, and I realized how much I loved everything about him. I have an opinion of my own but my husband was on another level. I said yes to that first marriage proposal, two years after getting to know him better, and I was certain I had made the right decision. I was certain he was the one for me. I was certain of the love and trust I had for him, and in us. I thought I knew him that well to want to settle down in a marriage with him, to raise a family.

I believed in his love for me.

The long and short of my story is, I returned home from work to an empty house. I don’t know how he did it, but he moved everything I owned. I called him and he confirmed moving our things. And according to him, his other family needed those things I had, more than I would need them. He has kids with another woman in another Region, and I had no idea about any of that. He has since changed his Sim, name. I don’t know where he is. His family did not know of his whereabouts. My attention was drawn to his new name on Facebook profile, a year ago, and he had married a white woman, and was now residing in Europe.

I had to start my life all over again, this time, with two kids in my care. The last thing he said to me the day I came to an empty house was,

“Be thankful you’ve at least been able to have two kids with me. You will not be alone. You will not feel my absence. You will be fine.” – From K S O

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