#MyChatWithHer

Outside In

The morning her father died, she sent this text message to her mother:

“Ma, I hope you’re not going to be crying after all that he did to you, and to us? It’s good he’s dead, you know? Just cheer up. We will work hard to take very good care of you. You’re too good to be still married to him. He let all of us down. He sinned greatly against you, and he tried turning us against you, our mother. I will never forgive him for that; even in his death. The wages of sin is death, Ma. I’m glad he’s dead. Plan his funeral without me in it. He lost the right to be my father. I love you, Ma.”

#MyChatWithHer

TK: Dave, I ask for anonymity.

David Bondze (DB): Granted!

TK: My daughter returned from school days ago and opted to cook for the family. She hardly would cook at home.

DB: Okay?

TK: And I think she prepared her father’s meal separately.

DB: Why was that?

TK: That’s what I still haven’t been able to figure out.

DB: What meal was cooked for your husband?

TK: Rice and veggies stew.

DB: Okay!

TK: She prepared Fufu for us to eat.

DB: Your husband doesn’t eat Fufu?

TK: He does.

DB: I see.

TK: I woke up next to my husband’s dead body the following morning.

DB: Huh?

TK: My daughter just went back to school in the morning, acting all ‘normal’ , even after finding out her father had died in his sleep.

DB: Interesting!

TK: She’s not grieving, she’s not sad nor mourning. It’s like, nothing really happened to her that day.

DB: What are the doctors saying really happened to your husband?

TK: Nothing yet so far. All we’re being told is, ‘he’s dead.’

DB: What’s going through your mind?

TK: A lot.

DB: How old is your daughter?

TK: 21 years.

DB: How many children do you have?

TK: Two.

DB: I see.

TK: My daughter is the eldest. She’s my pride and joy.

DB: So, the second child was home the night you ate the Fufu?

TK: Yes.

DB: What is the relationship between your daughter and her father?

TK: It used to be great.

DB: How was their relationship, prior to his demise?

TK: It was non-existent.

DB: Why was that?

TK: She found out my husband had been sleeping with another lady.

DB: Ha!

TK: It destroyed the trust and respect she ever had for him.

DB: And, how long was this?

TK: I think March, 2019.

DB: That was when you both found out about his affair?

TK: Not really. I had known for years.

DB: How many years are we talking about?

TK: Over five years. My daughter came to finally understand why I was often very sad and brokenhearted for years, and also, why I always wanted a separation from her father. I couldn’t move out because of my children. I was staying for them to not miss out on having both of their parents around them.

DB: I can understand.

TK: I’m afraid to ask my daughter a question.

DB: Whether or not she had a hand in her father’s death?

TK: Yes.

DB: Why would you want to ask her?

TK: I don’t know.

DB: No, you know! Why do you want to ask her?

TK: I don’t know, Dave.

DB: Did you love your husband?

TK: I don’t know.

DB: But you stayed, and still were having sex with him.

TK: He was my husband. It wasn’t appropriate of me to be keeping myself from him.

DB: Did he love you?

TK: I do not know.

DB: So, tell me: what do you really know then?

TK: I don’t know. I just can’t stop crying.

DB: Why are you crying?

TK: I don’t know.

DB: Talk to your daughter.

TK: About what?

DB: Everything bothering and not sitting right with you.

TK: She sent this text message to me the morning she returned to school:

“Ma, I hope you’re not going to be crying after all that he did to you, and to us? It’s good he’s dead, you know? Just cheer up. We will work hard to take very good care of you. You’re too good to be still married to him. He let all of us down. He sinned greatly against you, and he tried turning us against you, our mother. I will never forgive him for that; even in his death. The wages of sin is death, Ma. I’m glad he’s dead. Plan his funeral without me in it. He lost the right to be my father. I love you, Ma.”

DB: I see.

TK: I don’t even know who my own daughter is anymore.

DB: Are you going to be alright?

TK: I honestly do not know. I’m scared.

DB: Why are you scared?

TK: Hmmm!

DB: I wish I knew what to say to make any sense to you.

TK: Do you think she could have had a hand in his death?

DB: We may never know until you ask her.

TK: How does a mother ask her daughter that question?

DB: Every child has his or her positive and negative traits.

TK: Hmmm.

DB: Your husband wasn’t sick or had any unusual conditions health-wise, did he?

TK: Not that I knew of. He was always healthy and fit. He was a strong, energetic man. Always on the move.

DB: I’m terribly sorry about your loss.

TK: Hmmm! Am I in denial?

DB: Probably because you know you raised a good daughter, and not a probable murderer.

TK: I raised that girl right. I tried to, at least.

DB: Recovering from a betrayal of any sort is hard. It ruins any form of relationship ever had with that individual. Your husband ruined that of his with his daughter, and you. I’m just trying to see things from your daughter’s perspective.

TK: I will be very disappointed in her if she really did this to her father.

DB: Regardless, just try to be willing to set aside your hurt when interacting with her in order to still show her love best. You’re all she’s got now.

 

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