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Needle In The Hay

Forgiveness, we all know is a choice. It does not mean in any way that what your spouse did is okay. Can a marriage survive infidelity? Is there any way for a woman to exclusively, trust a man that has already been unfaithful to her once? Most women I know, are quick to forgive easily, but they do not forget it. So, question is: after the affair has been discovered, can the cheating partners change their ways? Does the cheated also have enough confidence in themselves to handle it if their spouses disappoints them again? – DBM

#InboxMessages

“Hi David,

I am just going to share a story of redemption. I used this account before I got married, and use it just once in a long while. I cheated on my wife a lot of times and put her in a very dark place. I did it so consistently but I still loved her so much. As much as the guilt ate me, I couldn’t stop. It was like a drug that took away a bit of my soul one day at a time. I felt less of a man. I was depressed at work. The stress made it worse and I wasn’t sharing my problems and my feelings, which only made things worse, because my wife wanted to share my problems. But I thought they would be a burden on her.

I don’t even understand what I was trying to achieve. Whatever the case may be, she caught me not once, not twice, not three times, but about four times, with different girls. She got alienated from me and although we still loved each other, began to seek comfort from elsewhere. I began noticing that she was getting distant. It was the little things, not using her phone much around me, etc. But it only got me to think that she was getting more distant and I was beginning to mess up more in my personal life. The flings were getting many. I found out that she was cheating, but I couldn’t confront her because of the weight of my own guilt. It was very hard. I travel a lot and she knew I was having affairs outside, but she couldn’t bare to know that I was having them right here in Ghana too.

She made a couple of friends on Facebook and also began affairs with them. I found out and it hit me hard. I broke down several times and had questions ringing in my head for so long. I couldn’t confront it as I saw dates and times of rendezvous that were being planned and pictures being exchanged. It was hard for me. I was going mad. I contemplated suicide.

One day I mustered up the courage to ask her about all of it and she didn’t hesitate to confess. We talked about it and talked about our place in each other’s lives. David, I realized that I loved her way much more than I could even imagine, and it has brought us way closer.

It is not an easy journey, this road to redemption, but we are going over it and she has forgiven me for taking her to such a dark place. I still blame myself for all that has happened because she isn’t just a good woman, she is priceless. I won’t judge her for her diversions because her value for me or to me is way much more than a few indiscretions. It did hurt that the core of my life and the very core of my mental foundation was shaken to the very bolts, but I found strength in her strength to face me.

I love her David, I will never let her go, and we have promised to put the past behind us. It’s not a simple thing. I keep flashing back to what I was doing on certain days and a post mortem, and I want to turn back the hands of time. The wounds are here, the scars are healing. I shouldn’t have found out what I did, neither should I have even looked into the people involved, but I have never shared this story with anyone.

Part of healing and letting go is to also be able to say it into a hole. I wish she could trust me again, and I am fighting to gain her trust, and I want to trust her completely like I did before. I am ready to do that, whatever it takes. I love her too much to ever let her go. I nearly lost her once, but this time, I won’t ever repeat that costly mistake. Since I decided to do that, I have not even been tempted to listen to or talk to anyone else. I wish God will help me on this path.

I owe her. I will make it right for her. We made a vow to be together till death does us apart. I am now ready to take up that part of the bargain unconditionally.” – From WS

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