My wife looks like a man

When he awoke, his wife was no longer womanly. The ugly masterpiece in his bed couldn’t have been the same person he paid her dowry. Something was wrong somewhere. A disastrous mistake perhaps, but certainly not his preference. Her face makes him hurl, her tone of voice terrorizes him, her physical features certainly not of Eve. Woman, where thou art? 


Facebook Guy (FG): Dave, please can we chat?

David Bondze (DB): Hello!

FG: I’m troubled.

DB: About?

FG: My wife

DB: What has she done, please?

FG: I think she looks like a man.

DB: Huh!

FG: Ikr?

DB: But, she’s your wife, or? Didn’t you marry her?

FG: That’s the problem. Because if I were ‘myself’ then, I wouldn’t have settled for her.

DB: Meaning, she’s still a woman, anaa?

FG: I don’t know ooo.

DB: What do you mean you don’t know?

FG: I don’t know. Have a look at this picture

(He attaches a photo)

DB: Lol!

FG: Why are you laughing?

DB: Because you just want me to laugh. Herrrr, me I’m not feeling well oo. Not in the mood for jokes.

FG: Dave, I am not joking. That is my wife.

DB: Smh!

FG: Let me send you another photo of her

(He attaches another picture)

DB: Hmmm!

FG: I told you.

DB: But she has boobs?

FG: She does.

DB: And a vagina?

FG: Yes.

DB: Does she menstruate?

FG: Yes.

DB: And you’ve explored her.

FG: Yes, for 7 years.

DB: Kids?

FG: Yes.

DB: Then she’s a woman.

FG: She looks like it, but Dave, I am scared.

DB: Why now?

FG: I think she put a spell on me, because it doesn’t make sense. I came to my senses three days ago, and I have been scared to sleep next to her. I would never have chosen her if I were in my right senses. What do you think of her? Does she look like a woman to you?

DB: I don’t know. She looks like a woman in a way. Can I see your wedding picture?

(He attaches four wedding pictures)

FG: How horrifying is this?

DB: Who are the people standing behind you two?

FG: The first one is family. The other one are friends.

DB: And, why do they all seem to be laughing?

FG: Your guess is as good as mine. They were all shocked I guess.

DB: Hmmm!

FG: Dave, I am scared. She did something to me.

DB: What if she didn’t do anything as you are claiming?

FG: Then, something doesn’t make sense. I would never have chosen her. They worked something on me.

DB: So, what do you want to do?

FG: I don’t know. What do I do?

DB: Do you love her?

FG: I don’t think I ever did. Something is wrong.

DB: How about your kids?

FG: What about them?

DB: Is something wrong with them too?

FG: No. They look like me. They are beautiful.

DB: I see.

FG: My wife claims if I don’t want to be married, I can go. She says she’s already gotten what she wanted from me.

DB: And what is that?

FG: Kids.

DB: Hmmm!

FG: Hmmm!

DB: Hmmm!

FG: Is she a woman?

DB: Boy, I know a man when I see one. Your wife is not a man.

FG: So, why am I scared? Because she doesn’t look like a woman

DB: Well, you will figure something out.

FG: Is it okay to divorce her?

DB: Has she cheated on you?

FG: Not that I know of. I don’t care.

DB: Have you cheated on her?

FG: Her spell broke off just a few days ago, so no. I’ve not been with anyone else but her.

DB: Your reason for the divorce would be?

FG: Help me with something, please.




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