#MyChatWithHim

My wife looks like a man

When he awoke, his wife was no longer womanly. The ugly masterpiece in his bed couldn’t have been the same person he paid her dowry. Something was wrong somewhere. A disastrous mistake perhaps, but certainly not his preference. Her face makes him hurl, her tone of voice terrorizes him, her physical features certainly not of Eve. Woman, where thou art? 

#MyChatWithHim 

Facebook Guy (FG): Dave, please can we chat?

David Bondze (DB): Hello!

FG: I’m troubled.

DB: About?

FG: My wife

DB: What has she done, please?

FG: I think she looks like a man.

DB: Huh!

FG: Ikr?

DB: But, she’s your wife, or? Didn’t you marry her?

FG: That’s the problem. Because if I were ‘myself’ then, I wouldn’t have settled for her.

DB: Meaning, she’s still a woman, anaa?

FG: I don’t know ooo.

DB: What do you mean you don’t know?

FG: I don’t know. Have a look at this picture

(He attaches a photo)

DB: Lol!

FG: Why are you laughing?

DB: Because you just want me to laugh. Herrrr, me I’m not feeling well oo. Not in the mood for jokes.

FG: Dave, I am not joking. That is my wife.

DB: Smh!

FG: Let me send you another photo of her

(He attaches another picture)

DB: Hmmm!

FG: I told you.

DB: But she has boobs?

FG: She does.

DB: And a vagina?

FG: Yes.

DB: Does she menstruate?

FG: Yes.

DB: And you’ve explored her.

FG: Yes, for 7 years.

DB: Kids?

FG: Yes.

DB: Then she’s a woman.

FG: She looks like it, but Dave, I am scared.

DB: Why now?

FG: I think she put a spell on me, because it doesn’t make sense. I came to my senses three days ago, and I have been scared to sleep next to her. I would never have chosen her if I were in my right senses. What do you think of her? Does she look like a woman to you?

DB: I don’t know. She looks like a woman in a way. Can I see your wedding picture?

(He attaches four wedding pictures)

FG: How horrifying is this?

DB: Who are the people standing behind you two?

FG: The first one is family. The other one are friends.

DB: And, why do they all seem to be laughing?

FG: Your guess is as good as mine. They were all shocked I guess.

DB: Hmmm!

FG: Dave, I am scared. She did something to me.

DB: What if she didn’t do anything as you are claiming?

FG: Then, something doesn’t make sense. I would never have chosen her. They worked something on me.

DB: So, what do you want to do?

FG: I don’t know. What do I do?

DB: Do you love her?

FG: I don’t think I ever did. Something is wrong.

DB: How about your kids?

FG: What about them?

DB: Is something wrong with them too?

FG: No. They look like me. They are beautiful.

DB: I see.

FG: My wife claims if I don’t want to be married, I can go. She says she’s already gotten what she wanted from me.

DB: And what is that?

FG: Kids.

DB: Hmmm!

FG: Hmmm!

DB: Hmmm!

FG: Is she a woman?

DB: Boy, I know a man when I see one. Your wife is not a man.

FG: So, why am I scared? Because she doesn’t look like a woman

DB: Well, you will figure something out.

FG: Is it okay to divorce her?

DB: Has she cheated on you?

FG: Not that I know of. I don’t care.

DB: Have you cheated on her?

FG: Her spell broke off just a few days ago, so no. I’ve not been with anyone else but her.

DB: Your reason for the divorce would be?

FG: Help me with something, please.

 

 

 

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