When he awoke, his wife was no longer womanly. The ugly masterpiece in his bed couldn’t have been the same person he paid her dowry. Something was wrong somewhere. A disastrous mistake perhaps, but certainly not his preference. Her face makes him hurl, her tone of voice terrorizes him, her physical features certainly not of Eve. Woman, where thou art?
#MyChatWithHim
Facebook Guy (FG): Dave, please can we chat?
David Bondze (DB): Hello!
FG: I’m troubled.
DB: About?
FG: My wife
DB: What has she done, please?
FG: I think she looks like a man.
DB: Huh!
FG: Ikr?
DB: But, she’s your wife, or? Didn’t you marry her?
FG: That’s the problem. Because if I were ‘myself’ then, I wouldn’t have settled for her.
DB: Meaning, she’s still a woman, anaa?
FG: I don’t know ooo.
DB: What do you mean you don’t know?
FG: I don’t know. Have a look at this picture
(He attaches a photo)
DB: Lol!
FG: Why are you laughing?
DB: Because you just want me to laugh. Herrrr, me I’m not feeling well oo. Not in the mood for jokes.
FG: Dave, I am not joking. That is my wife.
DB: Smh!
FG: Let me send you another photo of her
(He attaches another picture)
DB: Hmmm!
FG: I told you.
DB: But she has boobs?
FG: She does.
DB: And a vagina?
FG: Yes.
DB: Does she menstruate?
FG: Yes.
DB: And you’ve explored her.
FG: Yes, for 7 years.
DB: Kids?
FG: Yes.
DB: Then she’s a woman.
FG: She looks like it, but Dave, I am scared.
DB: Why now?
FG: I think she put a spell on me, because it doesn’t make sense. I came to my senses three days ago, and I have been scared to sleep next to her. I would never have chosen her if I were in my right senses. What do you think of her? Does she look like a woman to you?
DB: I don’t know. She looks like a woman in a way. Can I see your wedding picture?
(He attaches four wedding pictures)
FG: How horrifying is this?
DB: Who are the people standing behind you two?
FG: The first one is family. The other one are friends.
DB: And, why do they all seem to be laughing?
FG: Your guess is as good as mine. They were all shocked I guess.
DB: Hmmm!
FG: Dave, I am scared. She did something to me.
DB: What if she didn’t do anything as you are claiming?
FG: Then, something doesn’t make sense. I would never have chosen her. They worked something on me.
DB: So, what do you want to do?
FG: I don’t know. What do I do?
DB: Do you love her?
FG: I don’t think I ever did. Something is wrong.
DB: How about your kids?
FG: What about them?
DB: Is something wrong with them too?
FG: No. They look like me. They are beautiful.
DB: I see.
FG: My wife claims if I don’t want to be married, I can go. She says she’s already gotten what she wanted from me.
DB: And what is that?
FG: Kids.
DB: Hmmm!
FG: Hmmm!
DB: Hmmm!
FG: Is she a woman?
DB: Boy, I know a man when I see one. Your wife is not a man.
FG: So, why am I scared? Because she doesn’t look like a woman
DB: Well, you will figure something out.
FG: Is it okay to divorce her?
DB: Has she cheated on you?
FG: Not that I know of. I don’t care.
DB: Have you cheated on her?
FG: Her spell broke off just a few days ago, so no. I’ve not been with anyone else but her.
DB: Your reason for the divorce would be?
FG: Help me with something, please.