#TheProposal

My wife doesn’t even know what I look like

When it dawned on him how much he really wanted to know this woman, he made the effort to look perfect, because he understood the importance of making her giggle, and then, smile, and then, laugh. He understood the importance of making her blush. He understood the importance of making her flirt a little – and then see beyond the darkness. – DBM

#TheProposal

“Good evening, Dave

I’ve also been a silent reader and follower of The Proposal Series on your Facebook platform. I’m not the type that would ordinarily share my personal experiences with anyone, talk less – to the public. However, I’ve so far been inspired by at least, Eight (8) of the very revealing stories you’ve posted – to now want to also open up for the first time.

I took my daughter to see a doctor, Seven (7) years ago. She was very ill, and her mother who was supposed to be there for her that day/week (because we had agreed to be taking care of our baby in turns. It wasn’t my turn that week to be with her, but she chose not to show up to take her to her side.)

Seated next to my daughter, at the hospital, was this young lady. She was already there when we joined in, and there were empty seats on that side, so we took it.

Every minute or so, this woman would talk to herself, and be having tears in her eyes. I wasn’t paying any attention to her at first, until my daughter started asking me questions about her: about why she was crying and talking to herself. The lady would be mentioning the name of one, “Mark”, and be asking why he had left her at a time she needed him most.

I didn’t know her story, but from the little she was crying herself over, I could imagine the feeling. My daughter’s mother broke up with me for no reason to accept the proposal of a rich man she was entertaining alongside me. She was my all in all. I had dedicated myself to only her, and was planning on settling down with her after the birth of our daughter.

But even in her sixth month of pregnancy, she had made me understand we weren’t going to ‘work’ as a couple. Dave, it sucks when you’re ignored by the one person whose attention is the only thing you want in the world. And, once I started feeling avoided by her, I made up my mind, never to disturb her again.

My daughter would feel uncomfortable and scared, and would pinch me to get the lady to stop crying and talking to herself – anytime she started doing it all over again. There was a lady seated next to her. It was her mother, and she would make an attempt to smile with my daughter, whenever her daughter started another ‘episode’.

She would cuddle her daughter in her arms anytime she started crying, and would be comforting her with words. My daughter made an attempt to hand her a tissue. She wasn’t taking it from my daughter, even though she could see the kid’s gesture. Her mother took the tissue, thanked my daughter, and then wiped her daughter’s tears away.

She was, and still is blind!

And had been left heartbroken by the man who was going to marry her. She wasn’t born blind. Hot cooking oil accidentally entered her eyes – while frying octopus in the kitchen for the same man who had left her. They had dated for Five (5) years and were looking forward to marriage that year. After her rather unfortunate incident, the man stayed around for a few months, took care of her hospital bills (surgeries), and then, left.

Apparently, her mother returned to the boyfriend’s house from the hospital one time, and he had packed all his belongings. According to the mother of the then, 32-years old young lady, her daughter couldn’t deal with the pain of rejection and had been talking to and crying herself to no avail.

It hurts the worst when the very person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today.

That was the Exodus of her plight. I realized they had come by public transport so I offered to drive them home after we had both seen the doctor with our wards. Her mother sat in the front seat, and my daughter kept hers company at the back. I talked some more with her mother when I was driving them home. My daughter, for some reason, started to console my wife when she started crying and mentioning the name of ‘Mark’ again. She tried to hug the big lady at the back and was telling her not to cry, because Jesus loved her.

At the sound of “Jesus loves you”, my wife stopped crying. From the rearview mirror, I could see her try to also wrap her big arms around my baby girl. My daughter fell asleep in her arms when we got to their home. They had both fallen asleep. Her mother was about to wake them up so she took her in, but I stopped her. The air-condition was on in the car, so we allowed them to rest peacefully. My daughter hadn’t even slept for hours, so it was good for me.

Her mother invited me to the house, cooked for me, and left some of the food for her daughter and mine. About Two (2) hours later, my daughter gently walked my wife inside the house, asking her a thousand questions at a goal. My wife patiently answered her, and would even be questioning her also, about school and studies. They had become instant friends all of a sudden, that, when it was time for me to leave, she didn’t want to come home with me. My wife had to convince her first.

So, that was how I met my wife. We started talking on phone, every day. She would spend hours on phone talking to my baby girl, helping her with her homework, on phone, (anytime it was my turn to take over responsibilities). A time even came, she preferred staying with me instead, when it was her mother’s turn to take over. My daughter’s love for my wife grew so deep, I grew along with them without even realizing it.

Dave, from my experience with my wife, I think love is comparable to sorrow, and occurs in phases without our knowing. And it come about at diverse paces for different people. For my daughter, it took just hours of being around her step-mother. For me, it only took a few days. According to my wife, it took her weeks to know she was also falling in love with us. For others, it may take months, in some rare cases it may even take years… But regardless of time, it happens to you someway, somehow when you come across ‘The One’.

I am even thinking the stages of love may be the same as grief; maybe in the start – one may be in total and complete denial of the fact that they are feeling what they know/think they are feeling, and would try to persuade themselves otherwise. Maybe I was denying my own sense of love for her initially, probably because the feeling was too great to be true, that a fine, able man like me would fall for a blind woman.

There were times in my life, it didn’t make sense to me too.

One of the reasons I’m told her ‘Mark’ left eventually, was because of the stigmatization attached to marrying such people with disabilities. Her sudden reality was seen as a sign of ‘bad luck’ by the families of her ex.

My mother had met with her once, and though she liked her, and was also of the view that she was a ‘nice’ lady, was also worried. My ex, upon finding out about our daughter’s new source of happiness, got alarmed, and wouldn’t allow our daughter get any closer to her. Her excuse was, she was blind. She could accidently feed our daughter with poison. It became an issue that, we had to, almost, fight over it. We later had to agree our daughter wouldn’t get any closer to her – if she were to spend the weeks with me, on my turn.

Of course, I did not keep to my promise.

One time, my daughter was making fun of me for falling in love with my wife. I tried denying it, but she knew the truth already, so I agreed. I remember asking her how she would feel if I decided to marry her, and my baby girl just burst into laughter;

“I knew it! I knew it!” she smiled

She loved the idea of it, and I loved the sound of it too – in my own ears. My headache now was to plan a way to ‘pop’ the question. I needed to call one of my colleagues from work, that evening for something, and was searching for my phone. Then I overheard my daughter on (my) phone, telling my wife what we had discussed. I don’t know the question she asked in return, but I remember hearing my daughter – trying to whisper this, in laughter,

“Oh, I said yes!”

We’ve been married with a son, and a new arrival on its way soon. My mother-in-law and my daughter have been helping her around the house, because there is only one person working to bring enough money to sustain the family, and God being so good, we are comfortable with what I am earning.

Dave, thanks for the opportunity you have given some of us to share our lives and loves with you. I love my wife, and I will die for her, any day. That’s how deep my love goes. It wasn’t borne out of pity. It was birthed out of love, pure, unconditional love.

She doesn’t even know what I look like, can you imagine? Lol! That’s the part of our relationship that makes my day, all day. I have overheard her, on several occasions, asking my daughter to either describe my looks to her, or my mood and facial expressions on different days. She would ask my daughter the color of my shirt and trousers when I am heading out to work or elsewhere, and would ask her if it looked good on me. If my baby said ‘No!’ she would insist I changed it into something my daughter approves of.

Those two, ‘run’ the house! And I like it.

Cash is not the only commodity that is fun to give. You can give time, Dave. We can give our expertise, we can give our care, respect, attention and love, or simply just give a smile. What does that cost?

Nothing!

My point is, none of us can ever run out of something worthwhile to give.” – From HW-F

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