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#MyChatWithHer

My man should speak to my mind, brain and intellect

Dr. Yaa Klu

The type of woman who would speak to her man in a terse and candid manner – when it comes to expressing her needs. Always avoiding the mistake of letting the other party navigate through her feelings in order to understand what she wants to say. She would rather do you the honors by directly, telling you to your face, what she wants and how best you can deliver it. So with this in mind, you can make her happy with the information at hand. – DBM

#MyChatWithHer (SINGLES)

YK: Dave

David Bondze (DB): Hello! How are you doing?

YK: And the β€˜how am I doing’ is the first question? πŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ˜€πŸ˜€

DB: Yelzzzzzzz. Lol!

YK: Ok. I’m serious now

DB: Otse den?

YK: Hey, I’m good and pretty feisty. ❀😍❀

DB: Lol! So, are you single?

YK: Yes I am single

DB: I see. How old are you?

YK: 35, going on to 36 (I start counting the days to my next birthday right after my birthday ends…. Hahahaha)

DB: Hahahaha! But you don’t look your age. You look way younger. Something like 18 or 19. How do you do it?

YK: Hahahaha. I don’t even know what people see. I do nothing. I’m so lazy with taking care of myself like many females do. I would say this though, based on my experience. Having a good heart, being kind and loving and spending time in the presence of God gives you a glow. There is nothing that gives any man or woman a glow and slows the aging process more than keeping in touch with your Maker. Prayer and fasting has physical benefits and there is scientific evidence to support that. Otherwise, I think I have a very bubbly and childlike attitude. I’m like a little girl with candies, every day. Hahaha

DB: That’s nice to know. Why are you single?

YK: Hahahaha. I dunno why I’m single ooh. Lol. I ask myself that question sometimes. Lol

DB: I see. But does it bother you sometimes?

YK: Yes it does bother me sometimes, especially when I wished I had my own kids. I am absolutely a sucker for kids. ❀😍 Also, I think whoever my partner is out there is missing out each minute we remain separated. And, oh, it’s not good for man to be alone. He’s better off with me. Hehehehe. Those 2 things bother me. But I’m not desperate for a man or marriage. I’m ONLY desperate for the man who is my compatible partner. Hahhahaha

DB: Awwww! Have you been in love before?

YK: Yes

DB: How long was this?

YK: For my first love I was in love for several years, I can’t even remember the number of years anymore. After that there has been some here and there

DB: Share a past love experience

YK: Hahahahahaha

DB: Lol! I am kinda interested

YK: I don’t even know what to share. All I can say is, I’m very intense when I love. I’m a very passionate person. Passionate about every little thing I do. So when I love, it’s intense. I’m a sucker for love. On an ordinary day, I don’t obey the ‘Golden Rule’ cos anyone who is close to me knows I love others more than I love myself. So when I love, I’m wasted. Not intoxicated ooh, incapacitated ankasa. Hahahaha

DB: That’s something. Hmmm!

YK: ☺

DB: Why didn’t it work?

YK: On hindsight, I wasn’t for them and they weren’t for me

DB: Hmmm! You loved them?

YK: You like sighing papa πŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ˜€πŸ˜€

DB: I know. Lol!

YK: Yes. I’m a lover of humanity. I won’t hang around a guy I don’t love

DB: Okay. What’s your opinion on singles having certain standards to expect in a potential lover?

YK: Hahahaha. What a question.

DB: Straight up

YK: Isn’t everyone supposed to be having standards for everything they do in this world? Why should it be any special if not very important for a life partner or lover? Hahaha

DB: Why am I loving all of your responses this much already?

YK: πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

DB: Who qualifies as your ideal Man?

YK: Ha! This question. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺ

DB: Yes!

YK: Let me tell you this. Contrary to popular opinion in our Ghanaian setting that as women age (as if aging is a cancer) they tend to reduce some so called standards on marriage and/or who to marry, my standards increase as I age.

DB: I see

YK: So my ideal man when I was 25 or 30 years old, is totally different from now.

DB: What are you looking for now?

YK: Right now my ideal man is the man who sees my soul and heart beyond my physical body. The man who can speak to my mind, brain and intellect

DB: Hmmm!

YK: The man I connect to on every level; spiritual, physical, emotional and intellectual intimacy. A man I don’t struggle to love or respect or “submit” to. There is a reason I put submit in quotation marks.

DB: Why is submit in quotation marks?

YK: Hahaha. It’s in quotation marks cos many people don’t understand the word.

DB: How do you submit?

YK: Submission to me is yielding to something or someone more powerful, more intriguing, more interesting, smarter, and more intelligent, more everything than yourself in order to have a better outcome. We submit to God cos He knows better and does better than we can even imagine

DB: I see

YK: I would submit to my husband because yielding to his servant-leadership is supposed to give results better than I could even do all by myself. After all he’s my partner and even the Bible says Two (2) is better than one and 2 can accomplish 1000x or so what 1 can do

DB: I see

YK: The way I understand submission defines my ideal man

DB: Tell me more about your ideal man

YK: My ideal man is the one who sees me beyond my frail humanity. The man who can be a partner in every sense of the word in my life and in whose life I can also be a suitable partner. My ideal man is my compatible partner

DB: That’s deep! How important is sex to you?

YK: Hahahaha. I’m not a pro in sex

DB: That makes the two of us. But I still want to know

YK: I know that my partner and I should be able enjoy sexual intimacy without resistance or borders

DB: Okay!

YK: My little experience in physical intimacy tells me I’m alive and I would expect to be a good lover in that aspect

DB: What are your thoughts about kids?

YK: 😍😍😍

DB: Hehehehehe

YK: You should see the way my face lighted up when you mentioned that

DB: Hahahaha

YK: I love kids. I think it is an honor as a sinner and frail human to be part of the process of populating this Earth. There is nothing more honorable than that

DB: I see

YK: However, let me clarify this. You don’t have to have kids to be part of that process. There are so many kids who need love and they are all over the place

DB: That’s true

YK: The kids at the Mum’s back in the Trotro, the one standing by the Mum hawking, the one hawking to support the family, your nephews and nieces, the kids of your friends, all of them are precious and you can always do little things to sow into their lives

DB: I see

YK: I’m always doing nice things for kids. It’s spontaneous. I don’t even have to think about it

DB: Okay! Is there something about you that you are expecting to change?

YK: Yes.

DB: Share with me, please?

YK: My confidence. It is low and it makes me see the worst of myself and never the beautiful part of me. It’s hard for me to accept compliments and all. I may accept a compliment and unconsciously say something negative to nullify it. I wish to be as confident as I should be as a woman who has been blessed with lots of things.

DB: I see.

YK: I am also working on getting less emotional with things. Most of my issues are linked to me being extremely emotional. It’s not good

DB: How good are you at handling finances?

YK: Hahahaha

DB: Why, what’s making you laugh?

YK: I need to be very wealthy cos I give everything I have away. Even if it means going hungry. In the Spring I was sick and had no money for my drugs cos it was over the counter – all cos I loaned my money to a friend. I guess I’m bad at finances then. I know my partner would have to handle all my money otherwise I could sell him to help someone out. Hahaha! You know how I even loaned money to someone we both know when I was jobless and he stopped talking to me or? Lol. It’s all good. God always takes care of me.

DB: Hmmm! Is the need for a free and alone time in a relationship, something you are okay with?

YK: Sure.

DB: How so?

YK: You only give out what you have. Everyone needs “me time” to function.

DB: That’s true.

YK: I make conscious efforts, sometimes to help my married friends so they can have their β€˜me time’. I have a friend in another state and whenever I visit her, I cook her food to last for weeks so when I’m gone there is extra time to do other things. I do it cos I know she is very busy and she needs time for herself

DB: Do you think house chores should be divided when married?

YK: The problem I have with your question is the word divided

DB: Okay! Would β€˜shared’ be a better word?

YK: A man and a woman are partners in a relationship and they live in a house they both contribute to its function in one way or the other

DB: Okay

YK: I can’t think of any word off the top of my head. If you must know my brain cells are tired. Hahaha

DB: Hahahaha

YK: So to say β€˜share’ is funny to me. For me, a man and a woman should both help in keeping the house sanitary for their own good

DB: Okay!

YK: Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. So, a man should do what he is capable of doing and a woman should do what she is capable of doing, devoid of traditional gender roles

DB: Okay!

YK: For instance, I love to cook so I know I would be the cook in the house. My younger brother has developed a taste in cooking so he told his fiancΓ©e that he would do most of the cooking. I don’t like ironing, laying a bed and some other stuff. Those days whiles growing up I could wash piles of clothing but I hate hanging them on the line

DB: I see

YK: So I believe a man and a woman should do what they know how to do. However if one partner doesn’t know how to do something, for the sake of helping the other, he or she must learn to ease the burden. My brother never cooked as a little boy but he’s an excellent cook now. Everything can be learned.

DB: How stuck are you with your job, and what would happen if you got fired one day, while married?

YK: I’m a student now but I will try to answer this question by digressing

DB: Okay

YK: I chose a career path (academia) because I want the flexibility to care for my family in a certain way. I am a nurturer and I want to be able to tell my husband to come home for lunch, for a quick sex after some hot lunch. Hahaha! That is extreme. Lol. But I love to be in charge of my home by being the main nurturer and I love my flexibility. So I chose academic though it pays nothing. So to answer your question: in my field of work, people hardly get fired unless they committed a crime.

DB: Okay! Are you comfortable with the idea of your future partner being close to/with others? And at what point would you assume an emotional affair?

YK: Others? Who are the others?

DB: His friends, the opposite sex, etc.

YK: Why should it make me uncomfortable? Why should I even be with someone whose other relationships makes me uncomfortable? That man is not for me

DB: I see

YK: I should be so confident of a man’s integrity, love and passion. I should know the man I have at home. The man whose heartbeat I can feel miles away. Nothing should make me bothered. I’m not of the school of thoughts that all men cheat and all that chorus. One time I was with a guy for some few weeks and he told me he thinks he would cheat on me so we should break up. I said ok cos to me the relationship had not even really started.

DB: I see. Smh!

YK: I never spend a minute thinking about cheating men.

DB: How relevant is the upkeep of physical appearance in a relationship?

YK: Like looking good?

DB: Yes please.

YK: Hahahaha. I like good looking men and I’m lucky to have them all around me. Hehehe. I hope whoever I marry is that hot and keeps looking hot

DB: Okay

YK: As for me, buei, I dunno what will make me make any effort to be so extra. I am very laid back and simple. Simple things attract me too. But let me tell you this, I’m always complaining about one thing or the other on my face or some other part of my body. I have this close male friend I’m always ranting to.

DB: Okay?

YK: Recently we had a fight cos I said he ignored me when I told him about my face. He told me this. He said that he never sees anything wrong with me. He could never see anything negative or wrong with my physical appearance even if he tried. See, when it comes to physical appearance, it transcends looks. It is an inner thing. A good looking guy is only good looking to me when his heart is beautiful. I expect my man to see me in that light as well. Cos I ain’t doing anything extra. I couldn’t even succeed if I tried.

DB: Lol!

YK: πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

DB: Do you forgive easily?

YK: Yes. Over and over. Very foolishly if I may add. I used to allow myself to be abused cos my heart is too soft. Hahahaha

DB: Lol! What will make you want out of a relationship/marriage?

YK: Frankly, I don’t think about that cos I’m believing God for the best. However cos we all are human this is what I would say… If a man abuses me. Jesus does not abuse me so if you’re loving me as Christ loves the church, then don’t abuse me. It’s that simple to me

DB: I see.

YK: Yeah. Frankly I’ve never thought of what will make me walk out of my marriage so I don’t even trust my answer.

DB: What is your understanding of LOVE?

YK: Ah Dave, you can ask some question oh. What is my understanding of love s3n?

DB: Hahahaha!

YK: Love to me is wanting the best for someone. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it does not envy, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. It protects, it trusts, it always hopes and always perseveres. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love gives one of his or her two shirts to the one who doesn’t have. That is love.

DB: I see

YK: That is what the good book says

DB: I really appreciate you for this conversation. Thank you

YK: Have a good one.

DB: Please make it your best day today

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