“I think my wife is realizing she’s either a lesbian or bisexual. She says she’s attracted to women, and that she’s telling me right now because her feelings for her girlfriend isn’t going away. In other words, she’s been sexual with another woman while married to me. I haven’t been faithful but at least, I cheated with the opposite sex. My wife is a great woman. We’ve been married for 9 years, and she’s everything I want in a wife. I cheated because I realized in the past she was keeping her distance from me. She wouldn’t explain it then but I felt it. Honestly, I don’t know if I am angry, disappointed in her or sad. I asked her if she’s in love with me and all she said was, “I love you”.
I’m confused here, Dave, are the two the same? She’s also asking me to consider allowing her woman into our bedroom. I know the said woman, she’s beautiful and a friend, but I have a girlfriend, I am serious with that other lady I am seeing. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do right now. This lesbian/gay thing is a sin and I don’t want to destroy my family by tolerating such thoughts. What would our kids even think of their mother if they found out? I’m really confused. I like women but Dave, this is complicated.” – Confused Y
Response from Selorm Branttie
“Dear Confused Y,
The dynamics of a 21st century means, people are more liberated and liberal, and while most today may condemn these things, it’s going to be commonplace in the next 20 to 30 years. Your issue is just above the time curve as it is.
First of all, every sin is a sin. There is also clearly a willingness from both of you to be very committed to each other, as you see more in your union and less in a division of that union. Both of you seem to have needs beyond the normal marriage relations and both of you are exploiting those needs. At least your wife has come clean to you but you haven’t come clean with her yet. I bet she knows, or she might not. Whatever the case, both of you are away. First thing is, if your wife’s friend is joining you, are you comfortable with that arrangement? Are you jealous? A third party into something both of you do in private has many repercussions. Sure, it is most males’ perfect fantasy, but there’s a reality that goes along with it. It could bruise your ego if your wife’s friend discovers things she doesn’t like about you or your body. Are you ready to tolerate that?
Or could also be that at a point one of you will dominate this three-way relationship. How does that balance affect the other two? You are stuck between a rock and a hard place, but it all depends on the personality of the third person you are bringing in and the penchant for jealousy which hasn’t been factored into the equation. From the look of things, this third person is in for the long haul. Do you want that person in the bedroom too? If not, then let her keep her thing and you keep what you have. But hey, if you like it kinky and they got the goods to make it happen, join the fun. But emotions will build up and compatibility issues will surface.
Just be ready!”