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Married to men who don’t deserve us

Sometimes people think the stories are not true. I was a very outgoing free-spirited ambitious lady until I met my former husband years ago.

Everything was a little ok even though I saw some of the signs before we got married. This man will go to the toilet and refuse to flush and tell me to go and flash it. He will even refuse to clean himself well after the toilet, I had to always soak his boxers with hot water, dettol, and omo and even close my eyes before I can wash them.

My pregnancy was high risk which he knew but even the day I went to the hospital for CS I cooked, washed his clothes, ironed them before I left for the hospital. When I came back from the hospital, I was the one cooking, washing and doing everything for him and his mum. And for the insults: “you are useless, you are a liability, you are good for nothing.”

He was a man that I sacrificed my own future for. I didn’t know where to go, who to go to because I lost my parents at an early age. One day I almost ended my life because I changed physically and mentally. I couldn’t even recognize myself again.

I was not allowed to go out or even get close to my extended family. I was looking for 100 cedis for transport back to the North but nobody would have believed me if I had called to ask for money. He made people believe I was Ok and lacked nothing when they called. I was jobless for 4 years even though I was a graduate.

His friends will get me a job but he will spoil everything before I even get the appointment letter with the saying that when I get a job I will leave him. I had to sell jewellery I bought when I was modelling years ago in order to get transportation back home. He was sleeping with almost every lady even neighbours, those that will call and insult me were countless.

There was no sex life between us for three years before I left, yet I was faithful to him and never cheated even though we didn’t have sex for over 36 months. When I came back from the village, I took him to institutions for him to get me accommodation for his son and maintenance but this man bribed his way through.

One day I just told God it was enough and started doing my own business, worked two times more than any mother. It took over 4 years to rebuild my life. The starting was very difficult. This man wasted seven years of my life; I didn’t even have one cedi in my account when I left in 2015.

But today even with his masters and law degree his life is still the same. I always wish him well for the sake of my son.

But one thing I noticed from almost all the women plus myself is that we married men who knew they didn’t deserve us. Women should learn to love themselves and know their worth before marriage, work on themselves if they need healing from the past. And never ignore any red flag in relationships.

Society will always judge you when you leave but remember when you stay and die the same people will judge you

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