He did not have to hide his true self from his wife and put on a front in order to be what he thought she wanted in a man. She did not make him feel embarrassed for having flaws. She gave him enough room to share himself, and also be vulnerable and feel safe doing so, knowing very well that – if anything at all, it would rather make him feel even closer to her that ever. – DBM
David Bondze (DB): Hello Boss. How are you doing?
TJ: Who dis?
DB: My name is David. I recently shared a story your wife in-boxed me. I don’t know if you’ve seen it?
TJ: Which story be dat?
TJ: Lol! Ganja Farmer paaa?
TJ: I hadn’t read it. Thanks for letting me know. Smfh! Lol!
DB: I saw a lot of pictures from her album that she had tagged you in, so I assumed you’re her husband.
TJ: I am.
DB: Oh, that’s great. Nice meeting you.
TJ: Lol! What do you want?
DB: A lot actually. I love the way your wife described you in her story.
TJ: She was being generous.
DB: You think?
TJ: I think so. But it’s all cool.
DB: Okay! I really would want to know your side of the narrative.
TJ: Lol! You craze. Lol
DB: Oh, I’m serious. I love the way your family sounds from the story.
TJ: That’s our family for you. What do you wanna know?
DB: Tell me a little about your wife.
TJ: Serwaa is my strong tower; my best friend, and I am in love with her. We are a solid team and our relationship is more than just the two of us, though it’s all dependent on us. I see her as my equal. A woman of awesome value to grow old with and learn from. She meets my needs and is there to satisfy.
TJ: Lol! What we have did not begin after our wedding. We laid the fundamentals much earlier when we were business related. When one’s character is well prepared to suit the kind of friendship you’d want to build, God does the rest I think. We are chosen for one another.
DB: Are you a Christian?
TJ: I believe in God, but I don’t go to Church.
DB: I see.
TJ: What do you see? Lol!
DB: Lol! Tell me more about Mrs.
TJ: What else do you want to know?
DB: Anything else you’d want to share.
TJ: When I asked her to marry me, I had no idea of the kind of life that was ahead of us. I did not even have a realistic base for choosing her for myself. I liked our friendship. I love her mind and the way she analyzes issues; she respects people and cares about them genuinely. She comes way down to my level to reason sense with me without being a judge, and that’s one of the unique qualities about my wife that I admire so much: we flow! She allows me to be me. She gives me my space. She’s not overly dependent on me (my wife is very independent a woman).
TJ: Oh, yeah! Looking back, Serwaa is the only woman to have had the guts to walk with me through these 12 years of craziness, good, bad and all of the unknowns. She enjoys me as a person, and I enjoy her as a woman, my woman!
DB: That’s a beautiful thing to say.
TJ: Well, it’s the truth about her. She’s a very capable lady. However, when she sees mosquitoes or a cockroach in the house, she screams, “Bumboclaat” which is my cue to go kill it. It’s a beautiful feeling to be needed.
TJ: She would always wake up to kiss me goodnight when I come to bed, no matter how tired she is or how deep she’s gone in her sleep. I try not to disturb her most of the times because I stay up very late, reading. But she always cuddles me when she feels my presence in our bed.
DB: That’s sweet.
TJ: For sure! My wife is very sweet. I think God knew just the type of woman I would need, and He equipped her in the path by which He purposed to direct me; and that He pointed her out to me to be the helper He had preferred for me.
DB: Hmmm! That’s deep. And come to think of the fact that you don’t even go to Church?
TJ: I make sure my wife takes the children to Church on Sundays. My wife loves Church, and she prays for me and the family every day. I drive them to their Chapel most Sundays and pick them up when they close. I don’t need to be there. I’m well represented.
DB: Smh! When did you know that you were in love with her?
TJ: We weren’t communicating at a point in our friendship when she got to know I smoked. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She reached out to me with a kind gesture, and when I thought of reaching out to her in that same manner, I knew that moment we both understood our commitment to one another had been made. Nothing has changed about my feelings for my wife since.
DB: Oh, wow!
TJ: Yep. Now, I love her even more because I’ve realized she cares about what I care about. When I am reading on the new technologies to enhance the farm, she is by my side on the bed to do the reading together on the net with me.
DB: You saw your wife’s documentation of your smoking pattern in her story. What influenced the decline?
TJ: It hasn’t been easy. But it’s a choice I made. Serwaa brings out the best in me and her unfailing love and total commitment has given me all the strength and sureness to accept the fact that – I needed to change.
DB: Hmmm! According to her tabulation, you haven’t smoked this first quarter of the year. How do you feel about that?
TJ: I’m proud of myself and my choices. I am very happy about that, and I’d want to make my wife very happy too. It’s because of her I am making this attempt to be a better man, husband and father to our children. I have no regrets whatsoever.
DB: That’s nice to know.
DB: Your wife also made mention of your yearly assessments as a couple. How has that impacted on you and the family as a whole?
TJ: Boss, peace comes from within, and I wanted a peaceful marriage and home when I made the decision to want to settle down with her. I grew up in a home that failed me. They did not set boundaries and hold any of us accountable for our deeds. My parents would always be attacking who they are – rather than addressing issues. I am not compromising my values because my wife and I make time to talk about issues concerning our lives and our marriage. I have put myself in a position where I can make the necessary changes to be a great man, excellent husband and friend to my wife, and a good father to my children – by being accountable.
TJ: I am a responsible man now, and as a couple we are individually stronger than we probably would have been on our own.
DB: And you have never cheated on your wife before?
TJ: Never! I made a promise to my woman to forego all others and be content with just her. I never promised more than I can perform. This, I can do. It’s my duty be true to my wife. I respect her that much, so I am willing to go through with it to the end.
TJ: It’s not that difficult, bro. Cheating wouldn’t fix anything out of the ordinary for me. Secondly, I have a lot going on with me, dealing with the kids, the home, researching to keep the farm growing, and keeping my wife happy and satisfied through and through – which is actually my topmost priority. So from where would I get the time to have an affair?
DB: You sound like a good man.
TJ: If she cheats on me, I will be very disappointed, so I will not do that which I know would hurt me to her. It’s that simple. I am willing to continue putting effort into this marriage.
DB: You are interesting.
TJ: I know who I have for a wife. I love what I have in my wife, and there’s more to her to explore. What we touch touches us.
DB: Very true.
TJ: I need to get going, bro, be safe.
DB: Thank you very much for your time.