#MyChatWithHer

Letting Go

I do not know whether or not I believe in this, but I’m going to say it anyways: If you can, treat everyone around you with kindness, enough kindness and respect and love; even to those who will or have hurt you the most. You are not doing this because they deserve it, no! You’re doing this because you are good at heart, and nice too. Else, one day you’re going to remember someone and how much you used to love them… Then you’re going to hate yourself for taking them for granted.  So today, be 100% present to those who need you the most. Just be there for them, and that would be more than enough. – DBM 

#MyChatWithHer

RL: I think I am tired, Dave.

David Bondze (DB): Hello!

RL: I’m sorry. Hi.

DB: How are you?

RL: Tired.

DB: Hmmm! You will be fine.

RL: How do you know?

DB: I don’t know. I’m just hoping you would be.

RL: I’m making a sacrifice my heart isn’t into.

DB: Are you sacrificing for you or for someone else?

RL: For someone else.

DB: You care about the person?

RL: I used to, but not anymore.

DB: Okay!

RL: My husband, but soon to be ex.

DB: How long have you been married?

RL: 17 years.

DB: Kids?

RL: Yes.

DB: Sometimes, I’d want to believe love requires sacrifice.

RL: I do not love him anymore. And, I’ve compromised a lot already.

DB: I see.

RL: And, I am just tired.

DB: Life doesn’t always go smoothly, you know that, right?

RL: I know.

DB: Things out of your control will always come along.

RL: But I can’t do this anymore. I’m really tired, Dave. I am so tired.

DB: Tell me about what you’re currently doing for this man.

RL: We’re in the process of a divorce and his illness is stalling the whole thing.

DB: What’s wrong with him?

RL: He came out of a stroke/coma, whatever, and he’s been bedridden since. I’ve tried to find him all the help I can, but everyone eventually, quits. I can’t take care of him.

DB: But how, I don’t get it.

RL: I’m not strong enough to commit to this.

DB: Have doctors attended to him?

RL: Yes. I take him to the hospital, once a week. Or a family doctor pays him a visit at home.

DB: Okay! So, it’s not about money?

RL: It’s not about money. His situation is taking over my life. I don’t have time for me anymore. I am unable to spend enough time with the kids, because I always have to be checking on him.

DB: How long has he been bedridden?

RL: 14 months and two weeks.

DB: Wow! Can he talk, can he hear?

RL: He can talk and hear. He’s just immobile.

DB: He’s your husband.

RL: He stopped being my responsibility the day I found out he was having an affair. Affairs, actually.

DB: I’m so sorry.

RL: Oh, don’t be. I’m over all that pity-partying. I just need help with names of maybe, homes or facilities in Accra that takes care of the incapacitated.

DB: Hmmm!

RL: I need my life back. I’ve done a year of babysitting. I’m tired.

DB: How did he end up this way?

RL: He was supposed to be at a three day, work conference in Kumasi. We all knew he was at Kumasi. Then I was called to the 37 Military Hospital, two days after he had left home, that he and one of his mistresses had been involved in a car accident at Maamobi.

DB: How did you know that was his mistress?

RL: If most men would delete all messages and call histories from their phones before ending up in sudden accidents, their wives wouldn’t change on them this quick. I wasn’t married to an honest man.

DB: I’m terribly sorry about that.

RL: And even when I didn’t have proof of his affairs but suspected it, his family wouldn’t believe me. My husband kept denying it. His friend’s wife told me he was having an affair. I confronted him, he denied. I finally got the proof on his phone after his unfortunate incident. I got to know of the hotel room he and the lady were lodging for the three days.

DB: How are your kids handling all this?

RL: I told them their father was having an affair.

DB: You did not!

RL: So, they know.

DB: Hmmm!

RL: And, I’m so tired of people always telling me to be strong.

DB: Why are they telling you to be strong?

RL: I don’t know. It’s so stupid of them.

DB: Do not allow anyone to tell you how to feel.

RL: Of course.

DB: If you feel like getting angry, get angry. If you feel like crying, cry.

RL: I’m done crying and getting angry. I want to move on.

DB: Can’t you find any of his family members to support you at home?

RL: His own cousin came to assist. He spent three weeks and never returned. His siblings are all married with families of their own. No one wants to take on any extra responsibility. I’m told to deal with it because I’m his wife.

DB: You are his wife.

RL: I’ve done my bit. My lawyer is telling me ‘all men cheat’ and so I shouldn’t let it get at me. The judge also says I shouldn’t expect perfection from any man.

DB: Are they both men?

RL: Yes.

DB: But what do you expect? They’re probably doing same.

RL: Can I get the judge on my case removed? I don’t trust him. He wants my husband to walk first, before continuing with the case. It doesn’t sound right to me. My husband can talk. Why doesn’t he want to continue with the process? We can wheel him to the court.

DB: You’re really no longer invested and committed to your marriage?

RL: My heart is out of it. I am not happy in the marriage. My emotional wellbeing is important to me.

DB: Okay!

RL: My only concern is fronting the world on my own.

DB: Well, instead of fearing facing the world all by yourself, fear spending a lifetime with a husband with whom you’re unhappy.

RL: I can’t take care of him anymore.

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