At the initial stage, I didn’t realize what it was. I thought it was a good feeling, a good relationship because at last someone else had placed my best interest first.
I started feeling something was off or could be off when I realized I was losing control of my ability to reason independently.
My sister who is married told me my husband was sleeping with her former schoolmate. I didn’t believe her because my husband denied doing anything.
It became an issue and I started questioning the intentions of my sister. I thought she was jealous of me and didn’t want me to also be happy in my marriage. My husband was controlling me with a good life.
He spoiled me with gifts and was making life really comfortable for me. I was so happy, David. Nothing could go wrong with him.
Everyone else was wrong about him because I felt they didn’t know him as well as I did.
He was almost perfect; he was home to help me with the children and chore. He took us out on vacations and holidays and weekends to chill. All I had to do was ask and he gave.
I prayed for a nice guy when I was single and Mr. Nice guy came my way. He helped and did me a lot of favors, and so it was very confusing to recognize anything negative was going on.
His cousin came to my workplace to take me to where she had seen my husband and the other woman meet. I went there, saw my husband’s car parked outside but couldn’t go to the house to confront anybody. I raised the cousin’s encounter with him and he started playing the victim.
His cousin was my friend but he managed to bring a wedge between us and my sister. To be frank, I didn’t recognize the manipulation going on in my house.
He was always playing the victim when in reality, he was the one causing problems. I was his perfect target and he knew how desperate I was for his love and attention, I was the one now doing everything for him to stop feeling bad. I didn’t want to offend my husband; I didn’t want to lose him.
I didn’t want to miss the good life and everything else. It was later that I got to know that every good deed, there was an indirect string attached. An expectation, to be in his camp and trust no matter what, else he would make me out to be ungrateful.
I am HIV+ and I found out 3 months after I left the marriage. It was too late because I was not in control of my thoughts, feelings and actions.
And it went on for 8 years before I realized what was happening. I am in your inbox because I want to advice some of the young women reading from your wall.
Earn your own living, find a job and save to be financially independent.
I wasn’t when I met my husband so I was incapable of taking my own decisions and had to depend on his generosity and fake love and attention. If I had something going for me as work, it would have increased myself respect and made me more confident to face any kind of situation in the marriage.
I tolerated so much shit because I was financially dependent, so that they never have to feel helpless in life or in marriage.
I gave so much of my control to a selfishly motivated liar who used things that made me happy to make me happy in order to lie to maintain appearances or avoid unpleasant reactions from me and those around me.
Ladies, if you are with a guy who has more than one instance of infidelity to his credit, then the future is not bright. Dave, I also want to thank Dr.Asare. He is the reason I have courage to live life now as an HIV positive.