Her love is good, mature and healthy. Her love for her husband is not being or a feeling. Her love is not motivated or inspired or the being swept away kind. Neither is she overwhelmed. To her, love is an act, an intentional decision she took. A very deliberate effort to make it work best for her and her husband. She chose to commit to this marriage. And she’s doing any and everything possible to make it right.
Her marriage is based on just her and her husband, and not others. -DBM
David Bondze (DB): Hello! Good evening.
AM: Good evening. Two (2) things: please do you ask questions and we answer or?
DB: How would you want it done?
AM: I wanted to share my marriage but wouldn’t want my picture there.
AM: You can ask and I will answer please.
DB: And, for how long have you been married?
DB: Okay. Tell me about your marriage.
AM: Ok. I met my husband through our mutual friend, who sent him to collect some items from me for her. By then I had just come out from a relationship.
AM: It wasn’t love at first sight as I didn’t like skinny guys and he was skinny but cute.
AM: After he left, my friend called and said to me that – the guy said he wanted to marry me. I was like, ‘he’s not my type’ and my friend said, she told him.
AM: Mind you, when I was in Ghana, my then boyfriend was doing very well and we broke up because he wanted us to marry, but I wanted to chase my degrees first – so we broke up.
AM: After Three (3) months I had a call from him and it was the normal ‘hello’ and ‘hi’ business. Oh, I forgot to tell you; I also dated another guy but I didn’t fit in his circle – so l left him.
AM: That guy was too much for me. He had a good job, and he could take you out for shopping in Harrods and things but my spirit was not there so that was it.
AM: So I started chatting with my husband, went to see his place and I was not impressed but there was something special about him. He’s so kind he would drive me around where ever I wanted to go.
AM: So after Six (6) months, he wanted us to marry. Still I didn’t agree as I thought it was too soon
AM: The funny thing was, his ex was still begging for a second chance too but this guy wanted me at all cost. I graduated and that night, he had a chat with my dad to officially introduce himself as my boyfriend. But I’m sure Dad knew what was going on all that while.
AM: After that, we decided to get married. We used 6 weeks to plan it. He wanted a big wedding but I wanted something small because our mum’s are in Ghana so I didn’t see the fuss about it. At one point, he thought I was actually hiding him hence not wanting a big wedding but the fact was, I didn’t want him to use his savings of £6000 for the wedding. Something that he cherishes me for – till today. I was living in a bigger house but I moved in to his one bedroom, and I made it a home. We had a small registry and reception at his back yard garden.
AM: He thinks I’m the best achievement in his life because I have helped him to become who he is today, but I think, without him, I wouldn’t be where I am today… Because he allows me to be me.
AM: When we wanted to buy our first house, I allowed him to use only his name in order to get it fast. He was worried about it, but I still said, no, he had to do it alone, and so he did. And the next one, I also used my name only.
AM: I used to earn more than him but now it is the other way round.
AM: I don’t pay any bills in the house. I work full time but I still get allowance from him monthly. Is he not a great guy?
AM: We don’t have joint accounts but we always bail each other. On his birthday, I gave him £10,000 for his car and personalized the number plate.
DB: Oh, wow! What do you think you two could be doing right to be enjoying such grace?
AM: In our minds, we think we have got each other and no one else. We don’t have a third human being in our marriage: something that my mum told me. I treat his parents like mine. I like those he likes.
DB: Hmmm! Explain the third human bit.
AM: What I mean is, I won’t go and tell my friends that I do all these for my husband, else, they will start talking like, ‘I’m full’ or something.
AM: So I don’t allow anyone into our affairs.
AM: After 8 years, no kids, but there is no pressure. I’m the one putting pressure on myself and he would rather say I should take it easy.
AM: He’s not rich but he make sure I feel comfortable. If I want to travel, it’s his duty to buy me the ticket. I know his strength – so I won’t go and be demanding things he doesn’t have, you see?
AM: My only regret is, I had the opportunity to meet him earlier but I didn’t … I wish I had met him earlier in life
AM: Hey, sometimes we can argue too. (No, I argue with myself as he won’t even mind me)
AM: The Akyem in me will make me stretch things paa. And we allow that privacy thing. We have not bothered ourselves to have each other’s ATM PIN numbers in our heads.
AM: We are too lazy. Life is not always about money. I don’t snoop into his stuff and vice versa, like hey, who is calling you, etc. Because we trust each other. One lady wanted to make a move on him and he said, ‘if you want my wife as well then that’s fine’.
DB: Lol! So, you trust him that much?
AM: With trust, David, I can’t come and worry myself about that. He knows my stand on cheating etc. So if he does it, he knows the end results.
AM: He knows that, even though I love him, I can easily walk away if he messes up. Yes, I can be crazy like that
DB: Is your marriage what you dreamed it would be today?
AM: Yes. We continue to build it as it’s not a one day’s journey.
AM: And, you know we never went to any marriage counselling as well?
AM: Yep. If you can’t figure things yourselves, then you’re not ready for marriage.
DB: Well, you may have a point.
AM: Since we met, we have not been summoned by any parent or elders anywhere. We try and solve our own issues. And, our parents are the types that mind their own business.
AM: And one advice is, never use your position to insult your husband. Comparing our family’s Status, like I should feel like I’m the madam, but no oooo.
AM: My Dad lives in Trassaco, you get my point?
AM: He helps around the house too. When I’m busy, he support my business as well. Very supportive and calm as well.
AM: Please, anything else you want to know?
DB: I am smiling. Everyone’s dream is what you are living.
DB: I’m very happy for you.
AM: But you know David, sometimes, ladies or I should say, women, have too much expectations from their men. Always expecting to receive. They should try and invest in their men too.
DB: But there’s nothing wrong with a woman expecting much, or?
AM: If you expect much, you too give much. What men can do women can do better (that’s what they say or?)
AM: Hey, another thing, don’t ever compare your relationship with others as well . Live within your means.
DB: Sure! I really appreciate you for this chat.