Is marriage by force?

Marriage is awesome. We all know that. But does he know that? Should every grown up get married? Has the whole concept of it been overrated? Are there really other alternatives to being married? Like committing to a meaningful relationship that offers you the exact happiness and satisfaction – yet, with no ring put on it? How can this man convince his woman who wants to be married, that, perhaps, marriage is not meant for every one?

Following is #MyChatWithHim

SE: Dave, why are women so obsessed with weddings and being married?

David Bondze (DB): Good evening to you.

SE: Oh, boss, evening ooo.

DB: Which of your WOMEN is obsessed with being married?

SE: I have just one woman I am serious about.

DB: How about the other‘s’ you are not serious about?

SE: Lol! Boss, I have just one woman.

DB: She’s the only woman you’re sleeping with?

SE: Lol! Dave, let’s go forward.

DB: Okay.

SE: Marriage is not on my mind now, and I have communicated this to her already. She understood that at the right time, we would make it official. I am beginning to think she never did understand me.

DB: How old are you?

SE: 37

DB: And, how long have you two dated?

SE: 7 years, I think.

DB: You are financially stable?

SE: Yes.

DB: Employed?

SE: Of course.

DB: Does she work?

SE: Oh, yes. She’s very independent and financially secure.

DB: How old is she?

SE: She’ll be 35 next year.

DB: I see. And she has enough character you can spend the rest of your life with?

SE: She’s my future wife for sure.

DB: And you look in the eyes of this almost 35 years old woman, every day, to want to still date her for the 8th year next year? What’s wrong with you?

SE: Dave, it’s not that simple. All my friends are cheating on their wives. Some too have regretted getting married. I don’t want that for me.

DB: So, be better than them.

SE: That’s why I am taking my time not to rush into any marriage.

DB: Do you want to be married and committed to just one woman?

SE: Lol! Yes.

DB: Lol! You people never cease to amaze me. Hwon nyinaa hwon adwen nny3 edwuma.

SE: “Hwon nyinaa hwon adwen nny3 edwuma” I don’t speak Twi. What does it mean?

DB: It means you guys all don’t seem to know exactly what you want in love.

SE: Oh, me I do oh, it’s just that I don’t want to feel regret after marriage.

DB: Do you feel regret after these 7 years?

SE: No, but she could be faking.

DB: Or, you could be the one faking.

SE: I am genuine.

DB: Do you love her?

SE: Very much. I am just scared, Dave.

DB: Of what?

SE: The unknown.

DB: We all are.

SE: Are you married?

DB: No!

SE: I feel I am not going to be faithful to her.

DB: Have you been faithful in the 7 years?

SE: No!

DB: So, where lies the surprise then? You know yourself better.

SE: I love sex, I love the adventure, I love the thrill and the excitement it comes with it. I love women who dare me. But, it’s just fun, nothing serious with those other girls. I am serious about this one.

DB: Hmmm!

SE: I don’t know if I can change.

DB: Anybody can change, change is a choice.

SE: I have heard you say that in a lot of your chats, but is it that simple to choose to change?

DB: The men who have been crazy enough to think they can change their way of life have been the ones who have.

SE: She thinks she needs to have had kids at her age. I suggested we had the kids anyways – since she knows I am going to marry her eventually, but she doesn’t want to raise any kids out of wedlock.

DB: What’s the guarantee that you will, indeed, marry her?

SE: I will marry her. I have given her my word.

DB: Words have no meaning. Meanings are in people. She’s thinking that you’re being faithful to only her. You’re telling me you’ve been not. What is the guarantee that you would honor your word concerning marriage?

SE: I will marry her. Men will never be faithful. Women ought to get that. People will be bragging about monogamy now, but they will all cheat at a point. That’s the fact.

DB: Whose fact? Were you not the one telling me a minute or so ago that – you didn’t want to be like your friends?

SE: Lol

DB: Anyways, I don’t want to go into that argument.

SE: Great.

DB: I think you need to be fair to her, and allow her to be seeing other men. There are serious guys out there looking to settle with good women. You need to have that discussion with her, to start dating or getting to know other guys.

SE: No, she’s my wife.

DB: Until you are man enough to put a ring on it, she’s not.

SE: Can’t a man be in a healthy relationship with a woman, that isn’t marriage bound?

DB: Is that what she wants?

SE: But that’s what I want.

DB: One of my Uncles was co-habiting and raising a kid with this woman. When the lady died, the family of the lady made him marry the corpse before she was put in the ground. You don’t want that experience, trust me.

SE: Hmmm!

DB: If you are not sure about being married, it’s okay. Let her also look out for what she wants in love.

SE: She wants me.

DB: Smh!

SE: It’s true, Dave.

DB: You wish!

SE: Lol!

DB: Ask her WHAT she wants, not WHO. She can have/find a better you, any day.

SE: Hmmm! Why does Christianity make things so complicated sometimes, huh? Marriage shouldn’t be by force.

DB: No one is forcing you. You are debating with your own self.

SE: No, seriously, Dave, had it not been for her Church nonsense, we would have been parents by now.

DB: She’s nothing different from you. Aren’t you two staying in the same house, sleeping together? What has changed?

SE: I know, but you get what I mean, don’t you?

DB: I do. Change is not something you should always expect from some religious people. They always tend to love the past more than the present or future. I have a mother like that.

SE: Hmmm. Dave, should I marry?

DB: Eiiiii, why are you asking me? It’s not my desires you would be pursuing, is it?

SE: It’s not, but I need help

DB: That’s your decision to make, sir.

SE: I don’t want to make a mistake.

DB: The mistake I see here right now, is you. You are indecisive. And a woman doesn’t need that in her life.

SE: I am in love with her. With all of my heart

DB: But you see other women. A man in love wouldn’t do that.

SE: Dave, I am a MAN, I will see other women eventually. Don’t you see other women?

DB: No!

SE: No?

DB: No!

SE: No s3 sen? Smh!

DB: Shake it well.

SE: Lol!

DB: Is she all that you want in a woman?

SE: I think so.

DB: You think so?

SE: I don’t know.

DB: Hmmm!

SE: I really don’t know, Dave.

DB: That’s okay!

SE: This is bad, right?

DB: Bad is when you know who you really are, yet pretend not to be who you know you really are, just to score points – and then later, be who you really are on the blind-side of your spouse.

SE: I have tried to be faithful in our relationship. I tried.


DB: I can imagine you did. Most started their journeys with the intention of remaining satisfied and content with just that ‘One’ till death did them part. But such is life: there will always be other reasons to covet. It could be another distraction, a new hunger to fill, a beautiful smile to admire, a ‘Hello’ to respond to, a lie to tell, etc. You will forever come up short as a man, one way or the other.

SE: So, what do I do?

DB: You will figure yourself out.

SE: Hmmm!

DB: You will.

SE: I just want to be sure I’m doing the right thing.

DB: If you choose to get married, be sure you’re very married. That would be the right thing.

SE: You say it as if it’s that easy.

DB: Nothing in this life is easy. Take a chance on her, that’s if you’re genuinely, that much into her. And by the art of commitment become soulmates, which, obviously, would take a lifetime to be better at.

SE: She follows your page every day.

DB: Oh, I am so posting this chat.

SE: Lol! But wait ooo, she doesn’t know I have been cheating.

DB: I imagined.

SE: But you can post it. I love her. It has always been her.

DB: You are so un-romantic. No wonder you are not Fante. This would have been the perfect opportunity to propose marriage to her, but no… You are not even thinking it, are you?

SE: Hahahahaha

DB: Smfh! BYE

SE: Nice chatting with you, Dave. Lol! You’re funny

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