Dear David, I have been one of your silent readers for sometime now. I have a worry on which I need a mature advice. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now. When I met him he was living in a rented apartment. A year later,his rent was due and he wanted to renew it but I advised him to rather buy a land because I realized there were lots of empty rooms in his parents’ house which he could go back to live in while he puts something up for himself.
He agreed and bought the land. I saw the documents and realized he had the land in his mother’s name. I asked him why he didn’t put the land in his name and he said he did that in case there were any issues, someone mature could handle it. I was shocked but I left it because we weren’t even married. Two years later, he finished the boys’ quarters and so moved in. I didn’t help much because I didn’t want to regret anything if the relationship doesn’t work out.
A year later I asked what’s next with us and he said we should start planning our marriage. I felt happy because he is a good man. He has his own flaws but tries hard to make me happy. We got married and in all these 7 years, we are still waiting on God to bless us with a child. But he has been very supportive in all these years. Now the problem is, he has started the main house after we got married. His mum paid for the foundation as a wedding gift for him. She spent 30,000 cedis on it because it’s a single storey. Anytime she sees me, she never forgets to mention that.
Along the line, I got a very good paying job. My take home is about 3 times my husband’s salary. He wants me to help him build the house but I get scared because everything is in his mum’s name. I want to help him because I see how stuck he gets sometimes. I don’t take house keep money from him because I feel it’s just us and I earn more and he is building too. Two months ago, he asked for a loan from me and I gave him 20,000 cedis as a support.
He asked me why I didn’t want to help him build and I told him I’m helping by not taking house keep money so he can focus on the house. But I can do more and I want to but I’m scared of the unknown. I feel he is not being fair to me. We are now one and I thought he will change the documents to his name at least for security sake. But he feels this is not a big deal and I should be able to help him because that is our home.
Should I just forget about everything and help him complete the house? I don’t want it to seem I’m just thinking of property. I just feel life can be funny and I don’t want any surprises in future. Part of me also wants to go and buy my own land and build mine. I told him and he was all supportive and was even looking for some for me to buy. But I told him I didn’t have the money readily available. He said there were companies that will give a payment plan so I can think about it.
The way his mum is all over this house even bothers me. Even the gate she said she wanted a particular style and because of that, she bought the gate for her son. Recently, she told me that when it comes to the interior, she wants to help choose the things. I looked at her in a way and she realized I wasn’t comfortable with her suggestions.
How do I talk to my husband to do the right thing so I can support him wholeheartedly? I don’t want to pump so much money into a house that doesn’t even bear his name.