It always starts with that simple text or phone call, trying to check on them. In your mind, you two are just in the ‘platonics’, nothing really serious going on. But then, flashes of them comes to mind spasmodically, sometimes even when you’re not thinking about them. You’re very cautious not to scream the wrong name when your partner is equally trying to have a moment of passion with you. Have you ever been in a serious commitment, but had a feeling you were into someone else? – DBM
AF: My husband is weakened, and I do not know how to fix it. I do not know if he’d ever forgive me if I open up. I made a drop on him, last year through the CODED route. He wasn’t supporting the home financially. And was making life a living hell for me. I was not told they used all means to get a job done. When I made contact, my request was for them to force him to withdraw a certain amount. They promised to get him to cough the money to be given to me and his kids. All I needed was the money, because he was spending it on his girlfriend.
They attacked my husband in the night on his way home, beat him ruthlessly, took his new car, and left him by the bush. They sold his car and sent me GHc 230, 000. I am now attending to his health 24/7. That wasn’t the life I planned for myself. That has been the cause of my unhappiness at the moment. It was his affairs initially, now being his fulltime caretaker is what is killing me.
David Bondze (DB): Hello!
AF: Hello Mr. David.
DB: I am so sorry about your case.
AF: It hasn’t been easy, Dave.
DB: I can only imagine.
DB: But you are doing your best, caring for him, right?
AF: Do I have a choice?
DB: You don’t!
AF: I don’t.
DB: For how long have you been married?
AF: 10 years in November.
DB: Why did you marry your husband?
AF: I was in love, Dave. I loved my husband very much.
DB: I can understand.
AF: I’m married to a liar. I knew this about him. He was cheating on me when we were dating, and lying about it. He promised never to break my heart again, and I was made to believe he had changed.
DB: Who made you to believe he had changed?
AF: He did.
DB: I see.
AF: And I believed him because until two years ago that a friend of mine caught him kissing the other girl at a restaurant, I never would have known. He told me it was an everyday struggle for him to be faithful to me.
AF: That girl wasn’t his first since we married.
DB: I’m sorry about that.
AF: I feel very disappointed!
DB: These T. O. A. K. S and the heartaches they can give a person.
AF: My biggest mistake ever made was to follow his charm.
DB: How is he doing?
AF: Bedridden ooo, Dave. Almost a vegetable. I feed him, clean after him, bath him, cloth him, everything. The doctors are saying the shock of the attack and the intensity of the beatings meted on him triggered other damages. I am dealing with a lot.
DB: Do they know what they’ve done to him?
AF: The CODED guys?
AF: They know. I told them and all they said was, ‘he’ll snap out of it’. They check on me once a month for updates.
DB: I see. Are you scared?
AF: I’m very worried, Dave. This was not what I had in mind. What if he never recovers? I’ve sold a property of his already to pay for bills and drugs. It’s a whole lot for one person to bear.
DB: Everything is going to be alright. Keep faith.
AF: And his friends and family are not helping.
DB; As in?
AF: When I need help for my husband’s sake they’re just not there for him, or rather for me? I don’t know which is which.
DB: People have responsibilities of their own. It’s not easy to come by money these days. You should understand them.
AF: So, why do they have to be giving me attitude also? It’s like, they know something else that I do not know.
DB: Does your husband know you’re the cause of his fix?
DB: How do you know?
AF: It was a clean drop, Dave. It can never be traced to me. They are just watching me suffer.
DB: I doubt that.
AF: They are not positively responding to me. I met one of his best friends in town the other day, and just when I was about to smile at him, he turned and walked the other way when he saw me.
DB: That’s weird.
AF: Yeah. He picked his phone and pretended to be receiving a call. I used to complain to all these friends of his when I got to know about the affair, and also, his neglect of family, so they talk to him.
DB: Is he your friend?
AF: He is. And can help financially.
DB: A lot of the time, people choose to steer clear simply because they just do not know what to say.
AF: Not even a ‘hello. How is your husband doing?’
DB: Well …
AF: The only friend of his willing to assist us also wants something in return.
DB: What does the person want?
AF: Me. He’s been after me for years.
DB: Your husband’s friend?
DB: And, have you told him?
AF: No. I thought I could handle his kind all by myself. But the way situations have turned nu, I cannot tell my end from the present.
DB: Does his action not shock and upset you?
AF: He’s a handsome man.
AF: I get horny and emotional and needy. I’m a woman, Dave. I miss being touched by a man.
DB: Your husband has been bedridden for how long?
AF: Seven months.
DB: I see.
AF: Just recently, he was asking me out and actually gave me a few thousands of Cedis to cover some of the bills. That was just for asking me out to dinner.
DB: Is he single?
AF: Divorced, with a kid.
DB: Do you like him?
AF: I’d want to think so.
DB: Can you really afford such people in your life?
AF: Which people?
DB: People who undermine your vulnerabilities.
AF: He is not taking advantage of the situation. That wouldn’t be entirely true. I am interested in him. I am just not sure about the complications of it.
DB: Do you love your husband?
AF: Yes. But in his current state, he is of no use. Regular orgasms are important to me. I feel less stressed and happy when I am having a lot of good sex. I need that, especially now.
DB: If I am seriously interested in someone else, then it could only mean one thing to me, that the relationship I am in – isn’t really working for me.
AF: What I have with my husband is not working for me. And, I need the money to care for him and the kids. His friend can help. We’re attracted to each other. It’s not all that bad, is it?
DB: Nothing has happened between you two yet?
AF: Nothing physically has happened yet, but he is always on my mind. We talk on phone a lot, and he makes me smile and feel relaxed. We have great conversations, our interests are almost similar. He is very understanding. He doesn’t shout at me like my husband does.
DB: Because he’s not married to you to be dealing with your bull… every single day.
DB: You get what I mean, come on!
AF: No I don’t.
DB: Smh! You’re the reason your husband is in a sick bed.
AF: I know.
DB: Figure that one out first, then you can attend to all other matters.
AF: I’m afraid I do not have that desire to want to try everything possible to get with my husband. If he gets better, I will be happy for him. But should he not, I don’t want to be all emotional about it. I am already in an emotional affair. My marriage to my husband was for the security and companionship. Love came along with it.
DB: You women can be very interesting, you know?
AF: You men are interesting too.
AF: I only want the best for my husband. He deserves a woman who will return his love back to him. I don’t think I can seriously be that woman any more.
DB: Where is his girlfriend?
AF: I called her some time ago to tell her about my husband’s condition. She didn’t care. CODED gave me directions to her house, I had a chat with her but she didn’t seem to want to continue her relationship with him either.
DB: Your kids. How are they doing?
AF: They are fine.
DB: You can’t come clean to your husband, at least, not in his current state.
AF: I’m in a lot of mess. I don’t want to miss out on the other guy. He’s a great guy.
DB: What if your husband begs for a second chance?
AF: I’m not sure I’d want to go back into the dark.
DB: I’m all for moving on, trust me on that. However, in certain situations, one needs to be able to consider forgiveness, and giving themselves the chance to try again with the light and dark sides of their loved one.
AF: I want to give this other man a chance and see. He’s worth dating. He’s a good man. His timing and approach may not be the best, but he is a good man.