She may be nobody ‘important’ but she’s suffered an ordeal that no human being should ever have to go through, regardless what the circumstances were: whether or not her skirt was short, whether or not her bra was showing through her shirt, whether or not she chose to walk alone in that obscure route… Whether or not she deserved it, NO will permanently have the same meaning, NO!
Following is our chat:
TG: Hello Dave.
David Bondze (DB): Hello! How are you?
TG: Please don’t use the real abbreviated letters to my name if you are going to post this conversation.
DB: Hmmm! Okay?
TG: You can use ‘TG’
DB: Hi, TG
TG: Hi, Dave. As you can already see, I’m not fine.
DB: What’s the problem?
TG: I was raped some time ago.
DB: Oh, no! How long was this?
TG: Some time ago. I’d prefer you don’t ask for too many details. My husband may read this.
DB: Hmmm! Okay! How were you raped, if you don’t mind me asking?
TG: I attended a reception and had to accompany my friend (who had fallen ill) home. I wanted to take her to the hospital, but she had been to one (two days before) and had been given prescriptions already. She needed someone to take her home so she could take her meds.
TG: It was a little late, and I didn’t know her neighborhood at night. I had visited her a few times, only in the day. When I left her place, I had to walk some minutes to get to the roadside. The street lights were on at a point, but then, went off. No one was following me. It was basically a lonely path. It was a Saturday evening.
TG: When I was almost close to the main road, I crossed to the other (safe) side of the bush to urinate. A mad man grabbed me from behind, covered my mouth with his hand to prevent my screams, dragged me into his hideout, and then raped me.
DB: I am terribly sorry! Did you see his face?
TG: I did, but there was nothing I could do.
DB: How so?
TG: He’s mad. He eats from the streets/floor and from dustbins. He walks half naked or sometimes, completely naked. What kind of case would that have been, should I have filed an official complaint?
DB: So, who did you tell?
TG: A cousin of mine.
TG: She called a doctor guy she was seeing to examine me privately.
TG: I wasn’t strong enough to attend the appointment with him.
TG: I haven’t been able to tell my husband either. Four weeks after the incident, I took seed. I was going to abort the pregnancy at first, but then, I considered the probability of my husband being responsible for it too, because a week after the rape, frequent sex with my husband was back on the table.
DB: I can’t ask how long you’ve been married too, right?
DB: Okay, continue with the story.
TG: Thank you. I looked at my child one day, and I was convinced that wasn’t my husband’s, so my cousin paid for a DNA test to authenticate.
TG: Not my husband’s.
DB: What are you going to do?
TG: I want to tell him before he finds out later, but I am scared.
DB: How long was this, and how old is your child? Because TIME passed, since the rape is what would influence the heart and mind of your husband. If you had told him the day of the rape, he could have helped; probably even taken you to the hospital to get you clean. Telling him that very day could have also altered how he ‘saw’ you, especially during sex.
TG: That’s why I didn’t tell him.
DB: Not telling him also makes things even worse. It’s going to be difficult to convince him of rape. Should he even buy into the story, it’s going to change everything he’s ever believed about you two.
TG: I know.
DB: But, didn’t he see the changes in you after the unfortunate act?
TG: I doubt if he did.
DB: Because, seeing someone I dearly love being even slightly unresponsive, would make me realize that – silence has a sound.
TG: Hmmm! My husband works very hard so I could understand his inability to read through me.
DB: You can’t change the fact that you were raped by a mad man, and that, your child isn’t your husband’s. So what would be the use of telling him about something he would have no intention of changing?
TG: I wish I knew what the right thing to do was. I am afraid of disappointing my husband. I can’t imagine him hurt by this news.
DB: Well, blessed is the woman who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving her husband wordy evidence of the truth.
TG: So, I should keep quiet?
DB: I don’t know. I am just saying this truth is going to change everything about your marriage. Is that what you want?
TG: What I want is not to hurt my husband.
DB: This news is going to, not just HURT your husband, but also, CHANGE everything he ever believed about his marriage to you.
TG: I don’t know for how long this secret can be kept.
DB: Oh, no! It can never be kept forever. The four of you may keep your secret, if three are dead (Your child = who is the evidence, your cousin and the doctor she talked to). And, they aren’t dying any time soon, so you need to just WATCH and PRAY.
DB: You will not be what/who your husband think you are – after him finding out the truth. In his eyes, you would be what you have hidden from him all this time. And that changes everything.
TG: Thank you, Dave.
DB: I’ve learnt over the years that, we are all entitled to have and keep our secrets.