I love my wife but I’m in love with this other lady

He didn’t ask to fall in love with this other woman who is with her husband and kids. His love for her has never stopped, and it doesn’t seem to want to stop any time soon. According to him, his love is never limited to whether or not she’s another man’s wife. Love shouldn’t fit into any structured box… And, he will not define his love by someone else’s ideals.

Following is #MyChatWithHim

KL: Dave, hello! I want to talk. Are you available?

David Bondze (DB): Good morning. Not now, please.

KL: Just 10 minutes of your time, please? I haven’t been able to talk to anyone, because my case is dicey.

DB: Hmmm!

KL: 10 minutes

DB: Okay!

KL: Thanks.

DB: You’re welcome. How are you doing?

KL: I wish I could say ‘fine’. I am married with kids. And I am seeing this other married woman. We’ve been together for almost six years now, and, I am in love with her.

DB: And your wife?

KL: I love her.

DB: Differentiate between “I am in love with her” and “I love her”

KL: I love them both the same.

DB: Smh!

KL: Why are you shaking your head?

DB: Because it’s a mystery. You’re the mystery.

KL: Lol!

DB: Smh!

KL: There is a problem though

DB: And, what’s that?

KL: My other love wants to leave her husband.

DB: For you?

KL: Yes.

DB: And, she’s made her intentions clear to her husband?

KL: Not yet. She wants my permission first. She needs me to approve and then assure her of our continuous relationship.

DB: What’s the end-game to this? You marrying her to be your second wife?

KL: No, she’s not interested in marriage.

DB: Does she know you are married?

KL: Yes.

DB: Has she got kids?

KL: Yes.

DB: How do you know you’re that much into her?

KL: I know, Dave. I will marry her any day, if it were that simple.

DB: How has she been able to make time for you? Because I know most mothers, who are also wives – hardly have time even for themselves, talk of a spare man.

KL: We rented an apartment together.

DB: “We”?

KL: Yes, she offered to contribute a few tens of thousands. I put in a few tens of thousands too. We’ve rented the place for 10 years. It’s in a gated community.

DB: You two are really serious?

KL: Yes, Dave. It’s love, pure love.

DB: Does your wife know about this?

KL: No.

DB: Why not?

KL: I don’t want to hurt her. I love her too, you know?

DB: How about the other woman’s husband? Have you thought about how this will affect him?

KL: He’ll be fine

DB: How do you know?

KL: I know. He’s a man. He wouldn’t be lonely.

DB: How do you know?

KL: He’s having an affair of his own.

DB: How do you know?

KL: I put an eye on him, a private investigator.

DB: Why did you have to do that?

KL: When I realized how fast my friendship with his wife was developing into love, I kept a private eye on him to be sure he wouldn’t feel betrayed.

DB: Smh!

KL: Men will always be men.

DB: Does the wife know of his affair?

KL: I haven’t told her yet. But I have all the evidence kept for the right time.

DB: And, when would be the right time?

KL: I don’t know, but I feel it could be soon.

DB: When you consent to her leaving the husband?

KL: Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t want her to divorce because she got to know about his affair too. I want her to make that decision because she is in love with me. And she is.

DB: I don’t even know what to say.

KL: That’s what I am dealing with right now. She’s already hired a divorce lawyer. She’s just waiting for my last word.

DB: Is the lawyer married?

KL: I believe so.

DB: And he knows why she’s intending on filing for a divorce?

KL: Yes. He’s spoken to me

DB: Oh, no! I’m still on a suspended breath.

KL: Hmmm!

DB: So, she’s clear you will not leave your wife?

KL: She’s actually warned me not to. She thinks my wife is lovely, and a good woman, and mother to our kids.

DB: Is any of the other woman’s kids your kid?

KL: Lol!

DB: Did I say something funny?

KL: Yes. Lol!

DB: Well, I still would have to ask. It’s becoming unbecoming of late.

KL: I don’t know. I might have to ask her, but she hasn’t told me so.

DB: Is your sex with her protected?

KL: No.

DB: Since when?

KL: Since our first sex

DB: Hmmm!

KL: Hmmm!

DB: And, has she gotten pregnant since you two became an item?

KL: Yes, twice.

DB: And, it hasn’t occurred to you the probabilities?

KL: No. She would have told me. But I can take care of any other kids I may or not have outside of my marriage.

DB: I see.

KL: I’m a very responsible man.

DB: Why did you contact me?

KL: I want her to be 100% mine. However, I don’t want to be coming across as the ‘selfish’ one. I am concerned about her other side of the story. I am confused, Dave.

DB: How is she going to explain things to her husband and kids?

KL: I don’t know.

DB: I see

KL: Can I ask a question?

DB: Yes please.

KL: Have you fallen out of love before?

DB: Yes.

KL: How did you know you weren’t in love with the person?

DB: Why that question?

KL: It will help me sort my own feelings out.

DB: When I felt more in love with my memories than with the person who was standing in front of me then.

KL: Hmmm!

DB: You need to really think through this. The family she would be leaving behind for you.

KL: Hmmm! But you know it’s possible for a woman to fall out of love with her husband?

DB: Yes, I know. I have chatted with a number of them.

KL: And, how did that come about, from your chats with them?

DB: Apparently, something, somehow, happened inside them and like magic, they thought they weren’t that much into their husbands anymore. Some had had enough, and that, the way they had been with their spouses for many years – was no longer worth the effort. Does that sound familiar?

KL: Yes. She’s experiencing that right now.

DB: I see.

KL: Thank you, Dave.

DB: For what?

KL: For this chat. I needed it.

DB: Hmmm! Ok, you’re welcome.

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