I am HIV positive

Imagine meeting that man who isn’t so consumed by his work that he wouldn’t be bothered to want to spend uninterrupted time with you, because you are that important to him? Her husband was all that and more. He was happy to turn off his phone so he could focus on enjoying present moments with her, because he knew – he was lucky to have her in his life. Question is, what changed?

Following is our chat: 

FL: Hello David.

David Bondze (DB): Hi. How are you doing?

FL: Good! How are you?

DB: I am doing alright, thanks.

FL: I want to share my story: why I feel blessed to be married to my husband.

DB: Oh, nice. How old are you?

FL: 39.

DB: And, how long have you been married?

FL: Eight (8) years

DB: I see. Kids?

FL: Three (3): Two (2) boys One (1) girl.

DB: I thank GOD!

FL: Yes. They are good kids.

DB: How did you meet your husband?

FL: We met at Circle.

DB: Which Circle?

FL: Lol! Circle-Circle! Lol!

DB: Mahama Circle?

FL: Yes. But it hadn’t been decorated.

DB: Okay!

FL: I had a boyfriend then. We had dated for three years, and were planning on getting married. So I called my boyfriend after work to check on him. He told me he was sleeping, because he had an early work assignment. We had a rule that, ‘no surprise visits’ and we had both adhered to it for years. But that day, I didn’t know what came over me; I felt like paying him a surprise visit. It was around 6:45 PM.

DB: Lol!

FL: He wasn’t home.

DB: I guessed right.

FL: But had another woman in his house. She was pregnant for him.

DB: How did you know it was his? She could have been his sister.

FL: She wasn’t. Before he called to explain and apologize, he had lied about being asleep. He’s married to her now, and still calls and texts – telling me I am his true love.

DB: Smh!

FL: You guys are f**ked up, you know?

DB: I know!

FL: Hmmm!

DB: How did you meet your husband?

FL: I got robbed when I got to Circle. Some guy snatched my bag, and then passed it around to different guys amidst the crowd.

DB: Oh, no!

FL: Yes. And I stood at Circle, till about, 11:15 PM, hoping to see a familiar face to sort me out with my fare back home.

DB: Where were you staying then?

FL: Nsawam.

DB: Boi!

FL: My husband was driving through, when he stopped to ask me a question.

DB: I see.

FL: He probably mistook me for an Ashawo.

DB: Lol! Why, you looked like one in your office dress?

FL: No. But I was in a tight skirt and a colorful, tight, decent blouse.

DB: Smh.

FL: I narrated my ordeal at circle to him, and then he gave me cash. He drove off, but returned after a minute. He asked me to walk with him to his car. He drove me home that evening.

DB: Very kind of him.

FL: Yes. And he kept picking me from work, every evening to my house, till I accepted his proposal to date me – two months later.

DB: How did you get over your then boyfriend?

FL: I got over him.

DB: In two months?

FL: Dave, it’s that simple. In this life, it is very necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So I let him go. I tied no weight to my ankles.

DB: I see.

FL: I didn’t hate him. I was disappointed, of course, but never engraved his actions upon my heart.

DB: What about him did you find attractive?

FL: His kindness, and care. He cared about me.

DB: Care is important.

FL: Yes.

DB: How did your husband propose marriage?

FL: He just asked me to marry him one day, while driving me home.

DB: Lol!

FL: Lol!

DB: And, how does being married to him feel like?


DB: I’m happy to know.

FL: Thanks.

DB: And, sex?

FL: Sex used to be great. It really did used to be great.

DB: Why, what’s happening now?

FL: Well, he claims he’s no longer in the mood. Lol!

DB: I see. How old is he?

FL: 42.

DB: 42 and he’s not in the mood? It doesn’t make sense. 40+ is the new 25.

FL: Lol!

DB: I am serious.

FL: How do you know?

DB: I have friends. Male friends in that age bracket, and they tell me how they are driving their wives crazy with sex.

FL: Hmmm! Because he used to want sex all the time. I’m also surprised.

DB: I see.

FL: A few weeks ago, I initiated sex, and he was trying to avoid me. When he finally gave in, he used rubber.

DB: As in, condom?

FL: Yes.

DB: When was this?

FL: Three weeks ago.

DB: When did his sudden loss of appetite for sex start?

FL: Two months ago, I think.

DB: And, how many times have you had sex, since?

FL: Once.

DB: Get tested.

FL: He says his libido isn’t as active as his youthful days – so I should try to understand him.

DB: Get tested.

FL: Can you believe it? Now that I have gotten used to his sexual cravings and would want to have a lot more sex.


FL: I should get tested? For what?

DB: STI’s.

FL: Lol!

DB: Get tested!

FL: Lol! Dave, why are you making me ‘Lol’ this evening?


I discontinued the chat – since Monday, until she reached out to me this morning.


FL: Hello Dave.

DB: Hello. How are you doing?

FL: I got tested.

DB: Okay?

FL: I’ve been infected.

DB: Something treatable?

FL: Antiretroviral drugs treatable.

DB: No!

FL: I don’t understand this. I haven’t been with any other man since I first met him at Circle.

DB: Have you discussed it with your husband?

FL: Not yet. I don’t know how to tell him.

DB: But he knows.

FL: No, he doesn’t.


FL: You think he knows?

DB: He used CONDOM with/on you, his wife. Gurrrl, THINK!

FL: Dave, can we chat later, please?

DB: Yes please. If you would need a clinical psychologist, I can recommend one. Don’t hesitate to get back to me, ok?


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