Hurt people hurt people

When the body, mind, emotion and spirit of a mother is affected by grief – this could be one of the possible reactions she’d have in response to the death or loss of a child. Can a woman get over grief by forgetting about her child that died, and whoever might have caused the death? This message was first sent to me by this gentleman on Facebook, in March, 2017. – Bondze 


“This is my story:

I have been married for 13 years, to a very good woman. I love my wife. She loves me too. In the very beginnings of our marriage, we had a happy home, even though we experienced three miscarriages. But thanks be to God, we have four kids now, all boys. After the first three kids, my wife had been praying for a girl, so, when the fourth pregnancy test was positive, and we found out, months later, that they were twins – we were very excited because the probability of one of them being a girl, was high.

My wife gave birth to a boy and a girl. Our home was full of laughter and joy. The twins brought so much hope for the future, and I was loving every bit of it until my second son accidentally hit the head of the female twin, with a hammer. I usually packed such tools away from the reach of the kids, so as to how he got his hands on the hammer, I have no clue. Their mother was also in the kitchen cooking. She couldn’t have known what was going on. I was also at work.

I lost my baby girl. The unfortunate thing also was, my wife had tied her womb after that last pregnancy, so you can imagine what she had to go through. After we buried the baby girl, her attitude changed towards our second child. She would beat, scream at, and punish him for the least offense. She would insult him, and always remind him of how he killed his little sister.

Three days ago, we were all eating dinner, when the second boy attempted to help the third boy eat his food. She screamed at him, warning him not to get any closer – ‘to kill him too’. Dave, because I am typing, I am not able to clearly express it with the right words. Her anthem at home now, to the second child, everyday, is:

“Hw3 Na Wo’enkum wo nua wei nnso, tse s3 s3nia wo kum Kakra, no ooo.”

Dave, my five years old second son, now is always in tears at home. He wakes up very early lately, just to want to leave the house with me. He is not happy when I am not home because his mother, always abuses him. He’s always bruised, sore or scratched. I have talked to my wife to stop hurting the boy but she ends up rather beating him the more. I don’t know what to do. My son is terrified. He is scared of his own mother. He is scared to play with his own siblings because he has been warned not to get any closer to any of them.

Work takes me out of the house a lot and my son is always crying and begging me to take him along. I am in Kumasi right now, and I found out my second son hid himself at the back seat of my car to run away from home. I didn’t know he was in my car until my wife called to inform me of his disappearance.

How can I help my wife to let go, and also, forgive our son? She is so mean to the little boy. That is not the home we once had. Our home was a happy one. Will my wife ever get over our loss and learn to appreciate and give thanks to God, through it all? Because I am worried. I love all my kids, regardless of what happened, and I will not just sit back and watch her maltreat my second boy.”

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