Though young, he has seen a lot, been through a lot, found his way through a lot, and has become better. His experiences in life has neither limited nor defined him. From his past, he’s picked relevant lessons that has humbled him as a man. His outlook on life right now is not to define, judge or put it in a box. He’s chosen to rather see through it all and still find a good reason to be better than he ever can be.-DBM
AK: Hi Dave,
David Bondze (DB): Hello!
AK: Dave, please I’m free now
DB: Great! So, you are married?
AK: Of course, happily married
DB: I see. For how long now?
AK: I’m in my 9th year in my second marriage. The first one lasted for exactly 10 years, because of my mother-in-law.
DB: I see. If you don’t mind me asking a question from the past: What did your mother-in-law do, in your first marriage?
AK: My mother-in-law had raised her two children (my ex-wife and her brother) alone after her husband run away without any reason. She was so attached to her children to the extent that, she will come to my house on Valentine’s Day with gift for my wife. When she had a transfer, she did everything for her daughter to go with her.
It didn’t work at first, but eventually, my wife all of a sudden started accusing me of cheating on her and packed out. I called my mother-in-law to complain only for her to say that – she was in support of her daughter’s actions. After waiting for a year, I went with my family to divorce her.
Surprisingly, the divorce proceedings didn’t last for more than 20 minutes. We have two kids (a boy and a girl) together. The boy is currently at level 100 at UG.
DB: Hmmm! Were you faithful to your ex-wife, while married to her?
AK: Very faithful, which was known to all. One interesting thing is that, her entire family (including herself) accords me with so much respect even after our divorce. She’s still staying with her mother. I visit them almost every month. The divorce was just an opportunity for her to be close to her mother. It had nothing to do with cheating.
DB: I see. Let’s come to the present, do you have kids with your wife?
AK: Yes. We have one adorable boy
DB: Have you been FAITHFUL to ONLY your wife – throughout the 9 years?
AK: Very faithful.
DB: Why have you been faithful?
AK: The things which has helped me to be faithful are my personal space and peace of mind. Anytime a lady flirts with me, I see it as a huge problem in a nice package. I see the problems of infidelity as:
1. The possibility of contracting STI
2. Extra financial burden.
3. Breaching the trust which exist between me and my wife.
4. Lack of peace of mind.
5. The possibility of causing embarrassment for myself and my family.
These things help me to push off any advances towards me. By the way, I run an electrical and electronic shop with my wife. We are always together. We have no passwords on our phones. We share the same ambitions and dreams. We have so much respect and trust for each other.
DB: Wow! I wish you could see the smile on my face. What about your wife first attracted you to her?
AK: She’s outspoken and speaks a lot of languages (something I lack)
DB: Lol! So, those were the qualities that got you interested in her?
AK: Yes. I personally like ladies who are not shy to speak their minds respectfully
DB: At what point did you realize you were falling in love with her?
AK: I think my first interaction with her. I think it was less than 2 minutes.
DB: Oh, my! That quick?
AK: Yes. Very quick and that was more important to us than our wedding day.
DB: Most men I have ever chatted, claim the ‘Test and Buy’ philosophy in relationships is a vital ingredient. Were you and Mrs. engaging in sex to know your compatibility level, before marriage?
AK: Oh yes. We were intimately involved for quite some time.
DB: How important is sex to you?
AK: Sex isn’t that important to me. I know you won’t believe me but I stayed for a year without sex after our first son.
DB: I see. Does she please you sexually?
AK: Very well.
DB: Do you think you also satisfy her sexually?
AK: That, I’m not too sure
DB: Hmmm! I see. Is the need for a free and alone time in marriage, something you are okay with?
AK: I like spending some time alone, every day, but mostly, about an hour just to meditate or read which is very important to me.
DB: That makes the two of us. I’m like that too. Just that, mine would be more than an hour. Are you comfortable with the idea of your wife being close to/with other guys? And at what point would you assume an emotional affair?
AK: Per the work we do, we mostly give our contacts to our customers. Some men would like to move the relationship beyond customer-vendor but we always find a way to stop them on their tracks without hurting their feelings. I personally don’t have any problems with my wife being close to anyone because we have so much trust for each other and the fact that we are always together either at work or home and thirdly, we have no password policy.
DB: Hmmm! I see. It’s beautiful to me, honestly! Do you forgive easily?
AK: Yes. One strange thing is that I always forget whatever offense she had committed. I can only remember one incident which caused a little friction between us which is even silly (sorry)
DB: Lol! You seem like a good man. I’d like to give you an opportunity to say something sweet to your wife
AK: Tell her that, as far as God gives me life, I’m always going to be her man, the man she can wholly trust.
DB: Awwww… That’s sweet. What would be your last words to anyone reading this post?
AK: Marriage is either a blessing or a curse based on our own habits. Once you are married, be committed to it fully.
DB: Thank you very much, Addo, for this chat. I really appreciate you
AK: Thanks for the opportunity to share my story.
DB: . You are welcome.