They claim most men are pigs; that all men would cheat. Some say men would always be chasers, thus, would biologically be incapable of remaining monogamous. Why do most men cheat? The excitement vanished. That the adventure in the sex fell off after the kids were born. Some met new people who are fresher, and good looking, or richer. With whom the sex is overwhelming.
Question is, why is Kwame not cheating on his wife? – DBM
David Bondze (DB): Kwame, I just woke up.
KM-B: Lol! You sleep early
KM-B: I’m your guest. I’ve got this baby who just fell asleep on my arm!
DB: Great. How are you doing?
KM-B: I’m very good thanks. You’re ok?
DB: I am doing alright, thanks. You are married?
KM-B: Yep…. 15 years and counting. I thank God
KM-B: Two (2) girls. A Four (4) year old and a 10 months old
DB: That’s great. Have you been FAITHFUL to ONLY your wife – throughout the 15 years?
KM-B: Lol. I’ve not looked at another woman since I met her in 1998
DB: Wow! How have you been able to do that?
KM-B: Prayer, and character
KM-B: When you are certain in your mind, there’s no problem
KM-B: That’s not to say I don’t admire beauty, but that’s where it ends
KM-B: No ambiguous conversations, no taking of telephone numbers for unnecessary chats, basically – no room for error. As it is I started praying for my wife in 1988, and we met 10 years later.
DB: Interesting! Is this an intentional decision or it’s just you being you?
KM-B: I’m not like that. But it’s based on my Christian values as well
KM-B: I guess, maybe not being wired like that also helps. But as a kid I realized a sound marriage was the foundation on which a life should be built. So I prayed for the qualities I wanted.
DB: What about your wife first attracted you to her?
KM-B: I saw those qualities in her. My proposal was that, I wanted her to be the mother of my children.
KM-B: It was not too romantic but I had to be very clear. I like clarity. And I think it scared her!
DB: Hahahahah! What were her unique qualities?
KM-B: She’s got her head screwed on. Simple. Strong Christian faith, Prayerful
KM-B: Not into material things. Very simple
KM-B: Hardworking. Very careful with money
DB: Oh, that is a good quality
KM-B: Not a gossip (which is great). She has her own mind
KM-B: Brb! I am putting this gal into her cot
DB: Okay. At what point did you realize you were falling in love with her?
KM-B: After a year or so, but I had to propose 3 times
KM-B: I was so sure I didn’t take “wait” for an answer!
KM-B: Plus, we remained friends. It was tough
KM-B: But I guess she was scared
DB: Most men I have ever chatted, claim the ‘Test and Buy’ philosophy in relationships is a vital ingredient. Were you and Mrs. engaging in sex to know your compatibility level, before marriage?
DB: Were you having the sex elsewhere while dating her?
KM-B: We married as virgins
DB: Wow! That’s impressive
KM-B: We were SU people. That helps a great deal. I don’t go chasing
DB: How important is sex to you?
KM-B: It’s not that important, but marriage is a multifaceted relationship. In the beginnings, maybe the first 10 years, I was doing the asking for sex. But now I’m cool. She initiates it 100%.
KM-B: The thing is, I’ve never pressurized her, so I’m sure she feels very secure
DB: Does she please you sexually?
KM-B: We are happy, yes. We don’t know any different anyway
DB: You seem like the ‘Chrife’ kinda br3da. How important is the ‘GOD-Factor’ in your marriage?
KM-B: Lol. It’s the foundation. But I’m quite liberal
KM-B: I’m not the Taliban kind. Thank God
KM-B: But there are important things: Faithfulness to God and to my wife, being a hands on father. Being aware of your family’s needs. Focusing entirely on the family, and working hard
DB: I see. Is the need for a free and an alone time in marriage, something you are okay with?
KM-B: I’m having it now…. When they go bed, I just have an hour or 2 to myself
KM-B: Thinking, reading or watching what I like
KM-B: So these days, I always go to bed at 12 midnight. Because the baby’s sleeping pattern is erratic!
KM-B: But one thing I do is leave early, so I can be at my desk early. This means I can leave work early to help out at home.
KM-B: Sometimes I notice my wife gets really tired. Lots of African fathers don’t think or know they have to help out.
KM-B: But my view is a happy wife is a happy home.
DB: I concur. Are you comfortable with the idea of your wife being close to/with other guys? And at what point would you assume an emotional affair?
KM-B: I’m not bothered. She’s got male friends, not close though
KM-B: But my view is: there’s this peace of mind I make available to her, that she’s not going to find anywhere else. And I’m sure she knows it
KM-B: Likewise me. And if I were to do ‘anything’, my family will wonder about my sanity
DB: Do you forgive easily?
KM-B: You have to. But I don’t forget, and I don’t bring things up.
KM-B: When you forget, you make the same mistake or take the same actions which caused the reaction. But there has been nothing major to forgive in our 15 years. So, no problem there
DB: Are you proud of the kind of man you are to your wife, and most importantly, the kind of example your actions outside home, and out of sight of the family, speak about/of you?
KM-B: I’m sure I’ve been a good husband. I’m sure I have treated her well. But then, she’d be the better person to tell. Lol! People also know I’m not a player. Your character comes through when you interact with people.
DB: You may not be perfect, but I adore you, very much.
KM-B: No, I won’t say I’m perfect. Only God is perfect
DB: Yeah! I’d like to give you an opportunity to say something sweet about your wife
KM-B: Sweet about my wife you mean?
KM-B: I have never regretted marrying her and she’s a great mum. She’s also not perfect. She’s not got an ambitious bone in her body, but then, that means I focus on my career while she keeps the babies. So the arrangement is, she’d work part-time to make sure the girls always have a parent close by.
DB: Assuming your wife accidentally reads this our chat, what would you want her to know?
KM-B: Well, yes, I love her. And I am certain about this as ever. And I can’t imagine growing into old age with anyone else
DB: Awww! Your forehead though: EPIC! Nyansa Pow ankasa! Anyways, what would be your last words to anyone reading this?
KM-B: Lol. Thanks. But that “wisdom” is from God.
KM-B: When you are prayerful and thoughtful, and determined to do right, God drops things into your spirit
KM-B: My last words: seek the wisdom of God, seek His righteousness, seriously ask God to help you overcome your weaknesses.
KM-B: Finally a story: I was very temperamental as a kid. Lost my temper easily, so I used to pray for help to calm. And after a while I did
KM-B: So in all these years, I’ve never lost my temper with my wife
KM-B: And that’s not easy with women! I bless God. So my elder daughter has a temper. I always smile when I see it, but my wife always wonders where she got that from
DB: Hahahaha. Lol! Oh, I see
KM-B: I’ve never confessed! So there! Time for bed
DB: The pleasure has been all mine. I enjoyed you. Thank you very much
KM-B: My pleasure too. People will have peace if they zip up, or close their thighs! Good night. God bless!