Her way to my heart

Her smile got his attention, given! But his eyes were opened after eating her Rice and Mushroom Stew. Love will locate you, regardless your age. Just know that, you are not too old to love and be loved back. Oh, and all the good men and women are not taken. There are some still single out there, praying about you, figuring how to locate you to say, “Hello!” You never will know who you might meet or run into tomorrow- to bring that your inner smile out again. Do not give up on you. You are deserving of good love, and you will meet that man or woman who is a better compliment for you. -DBM


“It has been Three (3) years since I lost my lovely wife, and I still cry because she was the love of my life. I still do not understand why I am unable to have closure. She died 23 days after our wedding night. Dave, I am often annoyed that this gorgeous woman had to die. We had so many dreams to fulfill. We had so many kids to give birth to, and raise in the fear of God. I felt so empty and lonely, and somehow, like a reduced man.

My late wife made me whole because when two people – who are in love with each other have dated for over Four (4) years, built a dream to be husband and wife, saved towards this future together, prayed into it, invested into themselves towards this dream of becoming ‘one’, you can image how it would feel like, losing that one person who made you whole!

I am still fighting this horrible aloneness sometimes, and hurt that I feel because it seems like the better part of who I was has been torn out of my being. I do feel mad because, just in the early years of our lives that we could have spent more time enjoying the whole idea of good sex (because we weren’t engaging in any during our dating and courting years), and also on the very things we loved to do together, this lovely woman had been unkindly taken away from me. I do feel annoyed and depressed sometimes, because this woman who always had so much compassion, and love, and inspiration to give me, no longer can bring joy and happiness to me.

I had vowed on her grave that I would never love nor marry again. I couldn’t let go of her memories just like that. I had always been going through all of the many text and Whatsapp messages that my gorgeous wife and I had saved over the years, each text or WhatsApp, I found with her feelings – which l hold so close to my heart, because like all the other reminders of her, -her books, jewelry, photographs, her clothing, her cooking utensils, voice on the audio recordings, her car, are all that remain and have become more precious than any asset could be.

I was in that state of grief, Two (2) years ago, since her passing and my yearning to have her near me was as strong as ever; my love for her was as positive as ever. I was trying so hard to feel “normal” again but nothing seemed to be working. I loved and missed her so much. So, it was during those days, while driving to Takoradi, to visit my in-laws, that I saw this lady, selling/running after moving vehicles with soft drinks, at the Kasoa Tollbooth. She had put on a smile, just like my wife’s! Not only that, the energy she had, running after a Metro-Bus to sell a passenger a drink, reminded me so much of a similar strength and attitude my late wife had towards her job.

For some reason, I couldn’t continue my journey to Takoradi. Something about that lady, seemed like – it was my wife calling out to me. I found a place to park my car, and then went back to where she was to buy soft drink. I wanted so much to talk to her, I was willing to buy all her drinks, just to get her attention.

I got her undivided attention. I asked if she had any more drinks to sell me. She did, but it was home. I was willing to drive her to wherever her home was, just to talk with her. We got to her house, and had to wait outside of the single-room, for her to bring the drinks out. We arranged them in the car, paid her, and then begged for a 30 minutes chat.

She was glad to.

Before the talk, she made me understand she was hungry and had to eat first. She had rice and mushroom stew already prepared for herself and her son. She was a single mother, not married. She wasn’t dating either. She served me some of the food, gave me pure water to wash my hands, and that was how I met my current wife.

I made her a job offer after the meal – to be my cook and aid (Cleaner, etc) at home. I asked how much she earned on a good day at the tollbooth, and multiplied the amount by 5 as her monthly salary. She couldn’t believe it, but had to believe it. She needed the money to take care of her child. I was offering a room for her and another for her son in my house. She smiled the smile again and shed a tear with me. I couldn’t hold my own tears.

It wasn’t love. I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was, I needed to be seeing her a lot more often around me, every day.

Two weeks after my job offer, she moved in with her son. She made me feel at home with her presence. Her son, was every good thing I needed my son to be. When I started falling in love with her, four months after meeting her at the tollbooth, I prayed about her and my feelings, and I got insight on how to love her right!

I made a conscious effort that she wasn’t always going to be on my mind, because that would have been infatuation. She was there, on my mind, but it wasn’t always. I had other equally important things to make my focus. My love for her was calm, and not overwhelming – like the type I had for my late wife. I didn’t make her ‘my everything’. I wasn’t craving for her. I didn’t see her all the time in my future to come and complete the picture – as most of us in love say.

Dave, I’ve come to realize that, when we daydream long and hard enough, we would see anything in our future; I mean, I could imagine becoming the president of Ghana, to be corrupt, steal and make money for myself, but that doesn’t mean I should.

She fell in love with me too, and I was glad. However, I wasn’t so much into her that, I was scared of losing her. God has taught me that, true love does not involve the fear of loss. That would be attachment. My self-esteem was on point. My confidence in love was and is on point. I wasn’t jealous either. My wife is beautiful, by all standards. Men make passes at her, but I am confident in her love for me and our family.

I made sure the love she had for me wasn’t because of my kindness. A lot of us get our emotional needs met because others are kind to us. I picked my wife from the streets, yes, and I was deserving of love for being kind. That didn’t mean that she had to (fall in) love (with) me, and I made that very clear to her from the start.

I did not prioritize her. Of course, I cared and care about her every need and want, however, it wasn’t to compromise my own wants and needs. Neither did I place my value on my ability to keep her happy.

My love for my wife is not a feeling. I do the love, Dave. I do not intentionally hurt or harm her love for me. I am not vengeful. I am not petty. I am not manipulative. Her desires or needs never seem irritating to me, regardless. I am not insecure with her, I don’t intentionally grab her time, or her affection in return. I do not demand constant reassurance. I just trust her. And she has learnt to accord me the same respect.

I always take into consideration, her viewpoint. I have learnt her love language. I reason in terms of her interests, and not mine, and Dave, her needs are my own. I support my wife at home (chores, anything else she would need me to help out with, I gladly help my wife out). I back my wife. I care and take very good care of them and the home.

My proposal wasn’t anything spectacular. Her son asked her one time, while we were all watching a movie, when his Mummy was going to give him a brother or sister. That was our wake up call. It occurred to me there and then, how much I would love for her to mother my babies. That evening, I visited her for the first time in her room, made good love to her, and then asked her to marry me. We both cried that night. It was so intense, real to us. We were in love.

The boy has a baby sister now. I love my family. I may not be able to tell her this every day, but I just want her to know that – she means the world to me. The very day she stepped into my life, she changed it into something even more beautiful and meaningful. I may not be the first man in my wife’s life but I want to be the LAST man she ever loved. I may not be the first man who made her feel loved, but I am willing to be the ONLY one to make her feel loved to the core.” – From T K Amponsah

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