He came to love not by finding the ‘ideal’ woman figure, but rather saw the person in the woman he enjoyed talking to. He saw the difference, and he saw it clearly. But he chose her anyways. He was in love and the love had cleared his eyes. He sees his wife for the woman she is: Able or disabled, he adores her nonetheless. Truth is, Mr. or Ms. Right is out there, but Mr. or Ms. Perfect isn’t. Figure ‘The One’ who keeps your heart younger and smiling just at the thought of them, and boldly ask them to be yours to keep forever. -DBM
I’ve also gradually grown into your proposal series, and I’m loving every bit of it. I would want to share how mine happened.
I was married for Three (3) years to my childhood sweetheart. Life was good. Marriage was great. Love was in it and was given freely, in its newness, every day. That was what I dreamed of, a family that was close-knit and loving and respectful of one another. I grew up in a home where everyone (Mom, Dad and Siblings) were independent, and constantly arguing. That wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted with a husband and kids. My parents are growing old together, sure, but Dave, they are growing apart.
I didn’t want to repeat their mistakes by also focusing my life on my kids, forgoing the important part of me: my relationship with my husband. I didn’t want the years of my marriage to make me more distant from my husband, rather than being dependent on each other. So I married my first husband, knowing very well how important he was to me, how much I cared about his love for me. We were Five (5) months pregnant, expecting our first baby. We had planned the names of the kid: If it were a boy, Christopher. If it were a girl, Christiana.
We had started buying baby stuffs. We would buy anything ‘baby’ for the kid, if we saw something nice anywhere. My husband suggested we informed our parents about their grandchild’s arrival, so they could also join in the excitement. We couldn’t contain the good news all to ourselves: sharing meant caring, right? We had visited my husband’s parents and were heading to mine – to break the news, when something (probably, an animal) abruptly, crossed the middle of the road to disrupt my husband’s attention. I lost my husband and the pregnancy to that accident.
I was a widow at the age of 34. Nothing terrible than that. Besides dealing with the heartbreak of losing the man I thought was going to be my partner for life, I had to also grief the loss of my unborn child; my Christopher-Christiana. And I was dealing with all this, all by myself, because the one person who was supposed to be by my side – to help me during hard times was gone.
Dave, it was like everyone was watching me. People would stare at me in Church, and would pity me. Their facial expressions would always be telling me, they are also scared to lose their spouses, and that they are praying they don’t experience what I was going through. I couldn’t move outside of my house anymore. For over a year and a half, I had to be indoors, with my mother and father. I stopped work, because I couldn’t work, and became totally dependent on my parents (who were on retirement) and my siblings.
Do not judge me yet. I know many women have been grieved and were able to get over it in order to move on in life. I wasn’t lazy. I just couldn’t move on that easily. Life wasn’t the same for me. I couldn’t adjust to this new and scary life. I had people telling me they could understand or were trying to understand exactly what I was going through, but Dave, I knew they couldn’t. No one could. I know people naturally mean well.
They would tell you things, often thinking would comfort you. To be honest, my only comfort was Facebook. I got to read and see images that made me laugh and forget I was grieving. Facebook helped me chat with people I didn’t know, and didn’t have to narrate my story to, over and over again. And, I was okay with that.
I commented on a friend’s post, Two (2) years ago, and had received quite a number of likes and replies to my comment. One guy who had liked my contribution, requested for a friendship on Facebook. I checked his profile out, and he was cute. I liked his smile. Mind you, I had mourned my late husband, for almost one and a half years. I accepted his request, and then began chatting with him. We were chatting one afternoon, as usual, when he requested for a video chat. I accepted the invitation, and he was at work. I was home, hadn’t even taken my bath. Seeing him on video camera was something else. I actually found myself, smiling and laughing for no reason.
I felt comfortable giving him my phone number when he asked for it. I liked him, Dave, and I think he liked me too. I had fun knowing him on phone, and also on WhatsApp. My friendship with him made me see, all of a sudden, the possibility of me finding love again. The sadness and sometimes, anger, lessened. I was trying my very best to look at life in the positive way as possible. It wasn’t easy losing my husband. I hadn’t forgotten him, no! It wasn’t that easy, but this man, at some point, helped me find a way to create a new life for myself. He didn’t know I was a widow, I couldn’t tell him. It wasn’t relevant, I thought. He did wonder though, why I would always be home – anytime he asked what I was doing.
Then, the unexpected happened. He asked me out on a date. Dave, he was my age mate, never been married, didn’t have any kids: A lawyer, eloquent and very nice looking. I gave an excuse to decline the first invite. He asked again, and I found another excuse. Then he asked for the third time. I agreed to a meet at the Accra Mall. I got there alright, spotted him standing next to his car at the car park, but couldn’t muster courage to approach him. I sent him a text message apologizing for standing him up, made him understand I was there, but just couldn’t meet up. I described his car, and the color of his shirt, as proof to my message.
I was about to charter a Taxi, when he replied for more proof. I could see he was looking around to find my location. I zoomed my phone camera to take a shot of him from where I was, and WhatsApp-ed it to him. He looked on his phone, and quickly connected my location, using the angle-shot. He saw me, and waved, smiling. I couldn’t wave or smile back. I felt embarrassed. He walked towards my direction, still smiling, until he drew a lot more closely.
His smile faded!
I wasn’t what he had expected. Of course, I was the face he had seen often times on the video chats, but I wasn’t of the same height he might have anticipated. The accident with my late husband left me incapacitated, disabled in a wheelchair. That was the part of my current life I left out of my story. I have not been able to walk yet.
This man kept walking towards me. He was in shock, I could easily read that on his face. Unsure about what to say to me when he came before me. In my presence, he forced a smile. It wasn’t working but he kept forcing it on me. I thought it was funny but pathetic. He bent to hug me, and also give me a warm peg. I still thought it was funny, so I smiled. Then he smiled. This time it looked genuine, effortlessly… He was happy seeing me. He told me so.
“But I didn’t know you were that beautiful, and different?” he said
“How different?” I asked
“Wheelchair different!” he smiled.
We both laughed at his silly joke, and then paused for a second to stare at each other. He got to my back to gently wheel me to the mall. We window-shopped, bought a few jewelries for me, took me to lunch, carried me in his arm, over the stairs to watch a movie at the Silver Bird, and then took me to his car, later in the evening. We had a wonderful time together.
Dave, he took me home to meet my parents, and right there and then, asked my father whether or not he could date me. My mother laughed (sarcastically, of course). I didn’t believe it either, but he was serious. He told my dad he would want to marry me in the next Six (6) months afterwards. He married me exactly six months after the proposal. We have a baby girl together.
Dave, I have come to realize that, there isn’t any questioning the fact that some people enter your life, at the exact point of need, want or desire – it’s sometimes a coincidence and most times fate, but whatever it is, I am certain mine came to make me smile. The more we go with the flow of life and surrender the outcome to God, and the less we seek constant clarity, the more we will find that – fabulous things start to show up in our lives” – From WEO