I want to take a decision that I think has a potential to destroy my family. I have discussed it with my husband and he is against it. I insisted I was going to do it anyway and he has given me the option to choose between our marriage and my intended plan.
My father died when I was 9. It wasn’t easy for my mother because our survival as a family depended on Dad. Two years after his burial, my mother decided to remarry. I don’t know if she married my step Dad out of love or because he was in the position to take care of us. He was divorced with 3 adult children and they are 2 boys, over 19 years and a girl who was my age.
The first 3 years was good. I liked my new family. My step brothers and sisters are the coolest people on earth. We clicked; we are still best friends and family. When I was 16, my step Dad raped me. Anytime he picked a fight with my mother, she denied him sex and he will put all of his frustrations on me and blame my mother for causing it. He threatened to not pay my school fees if I told my mother.
Dave, in those days, young girls couldn’t talk. I couldn’t challenge his authority. The sexual assault continued for about 6 times till I couldn’t take it any longer. I told my step sister and she told my mother. Mind you, all the children in the house feared my step father. The day my mother confronted me about what she had heard, she collapsed. She died at the hospital. My step father was not home then. He had traveled.
My sister and I decided to keep quiet about everything. The assault stopped the day my mother died. My relationship with my step father was never the same again. I got married very early, right after my National Service because I didn’t want to be with my step father or have him help me in anyway again. My step sister also married early to escape her father’s presence.
Our plan was that she becomes a lawyer so we can prosecute her father. She is a lawyer now, but we haven’t been able to start my process because her husband was giving her problems in the marriage. We are now set and I told my husband about our decision and he has been against it.
He is very close to my step brothers and father. I don’t know if he is trying to protect him. He says it is in the past and there is no proof so I have to let it go and forgive. My step sister says I can win in the law court but my husband is using his authority as the head of our family to kick against my decision.
Dave, I can’t watch that man go unpunished for all that he did to me. My step sister wants to put him in jail for everything he did to me and her own mother. We are not bitter women looking for revenge. My husband is threatening me with divorce if we go ahead with this. I want justice for what I went through.
I love my husband and our marriage but I can’t sacrifice my sanity for the sake of marriage. Will I be wrong if I go ahead just to let my children understand it is not ok to abuse or be abused. I am 37 years and we have been married for 16 years. I waited this long because I wanted my children to be of age before I went on this path.