Trust in her marriage was a must, and she has been experiencing the full potential of love, closeness and openness that her marriage has to offer. Her husband, now has the freedom to share his deepest secrets, heart and soul with her – because he knows how much she appreciates, respects and treasures him for who he is. They’ve both earned their trusts, and life has been more than good enough for the two of them. – DBM
“When I first met my husband, he was trying his best to live life the best way he could. He was doing ‘okay’ for himself – the best he could. I did not like him on the spot though. He had his issues, which I couldn’t really comprehend. He smoked weed. I did not even know about his smoking habits until my mother drew my attention to it. He was the ‘go to’ guy for all the organic foodstuffs (Tomatoes, Cabbage, Pepper, Onions, Lettuce, Green pepper, Garden eggs, etc.). He supplied my Mom also with Yam, Cassava, Plantain, Sweet potatoes, etc. His farm had almost all the fruits you could think of. And he grew Marijuana on it too. The contrast here was he always looked presentable and good in appearance. He smelled good. He still pays attention to hygiene.
His degree is in Agriculture and I loved the fact that he was practicing what he had studied. Through my mother I became one of his clients and doing business with him was good. He delivered on time. He had two Pick-up cars for his deliveries and his work ethics was on point. I settled on buying from his farm because my mother liked him some way, somehow. He had a way of making her laugh. I liked him too, very much. I could create a working relationship with him. I ended up talking about his farm produce to most of my patients. He would go over and beyond his services to satisfy all his customers. One thing I liked and still like about him is the fact that he hardly would make any promise to us, but he over-delivered when it came to his services.
He had genuine interest in everything we his customers had to say. He had the time to listen to our wants and complaints. We felt heard by him. We got advice and free information from him whenever we needed ways to preserve the products right. He showed us the many ways we could prepare different kinds of meals with what he supplied us. His great sense of humor aside, he was very professional. His service standards were adhered to highest degree, and he ensured we all understood the limits with him and his employees.
His relationship with his employees is awesome, and I think it reflected on us the customers also. They were happy to be working with him, and with us also. His way of dealing with people taught me how to relate with the nurses I work with at the hospital. He treated his employees as his customers – so you can imagine how they felt just from how I am saying he made us (his customers) feel.
One day, I was at work when he sent me a text message. He claimed he was at my mother’s house and she was talking about me. I asked what they were talking about and he mentioned my mother’s need for her grandchildren from me. He asked what I was doing that moment and I told him I was on break. I was eating Waakye. He called my phone and started to talk. Apparently, my mother had asked him to stay for some time while she prepared food for him. Then I heard my mother shout from wherever she was, asking my husband whether it was true he smoked weed. He laughed hysterically on the phone knowing very well I had heard the question. He went silent for a second, and then tried ignoring the question. I heard my mother’s voice closer to him this time round, repeating the question. He told my mother he was on phone with me, and that even made my mother more curious to know about his smoking status.
He told my mother he had a weed farm for a special customer base that patronized the product. Mum asked if he smoked the stuff himself, and he said, ‘Yes”. I sensed the awkwardness in his voice after his response, so I tried changing the subject. After that incident, he did not supply me nor my mother foodstuffs himself again. He always sent one of his employees to do the deliveries. My mother thought the sudden change was weird, so she called him and he came up with the ‘being busy’ excuses.
I thought it was strange too because I started to miss him. I did not realize how much I cared what he thought of me until it dawned on me he was no longer coming over to share his thoughts with me at home. My feelings towards him started to get the best of me, so one time, when his employee supplied my order, I had prepared and packaged his favorite food to be given to him. There was no reason for me to have done that, but I did it for him. The following morning, he had also cooked lunch and packed it to be given to me at work. That wasn’t even the best part, he had actually told his employee to tell me, ‘he misses me’.
How cool is that? It also got to that mo. that my slightest moments of joy started to become his topmost concern. And this guy since that day has been trying always, to be responsible for my smiles and happiness. We were just trying to be cool friends, however, there was this connection between the two of us that we just could not stop noting. I remember he came to the hospital one day for a checkup or so, and I accidentally, caught him eyeing me. The moment he realized I had seen him, he looked away, smiling.
We’ve been married for 12 years and I am yet to see him uninterested in talking to me. Because he is always trying to keep the conversation going. The irony here, again, is, he is the very quiet type, naturally. He hardly would want to talk if it’s not about business. He invited me to the farm one afternoon, when I was off duty – to introduce me to his life. The look on most of his employees’ faces was one of the things I could not forget. I got to know he had never brought any woman he seemed to care about to the farm since it started. I remember how shy this ‘tough’ Ganja farmer suddenly turned around me. His colleagues saw the change. I mean, he wouldn’t even want to make direct eye contact with me when talking.
He is a good man. I told him I wasn’t cool with the weed smoking and he promised to quit, but one day at a time. We married in 2007, and he made a promise to always tell me whenever he is about to smoke. In 2008, we recorded 498 times of smoking that year. 2009, he smoked 430 times. 2010, he blew 400 rolls. 2011, he touched 367 weed tabs. 2012, he smoked 311 times. 2013, the rolls drastically dropped to record breaking 98 times after the birth of our first child. 2014, he smoked 52 times. I couldn’t believe that achievement, and so I paid a female worker on his farm to monitor his every move with his smoking crew in 2015. It’s not that I didn’t trust my husband. I needed a witness to his efforts. It’s amazing to note that, the times my husband would text to report an intent to smoke, my secret spy at the end of that working day would also call to tell me he smoked. There were days I was really expecting him to smoke on the farm after a heated disagreement or an argument with me at home, but I would get no notification of an intent. My spy that day or days wouldn’t report on him smoking either. I had been told he would often decline an invite by his crew to go smoke in most days, just to stay sober. There had been times in the early years of our marriage that we wouldn’t be talking to each other for days, but would send in a text of his intent to smoke for record purposes. In 2015, when our second child was born, we recorded 38 smoking times. 2016 was 30. He smoked 22 times in 2017, when our third child was born.
He shocked me in 2018, when he opted to become a stay at home dad, to raise the kids, while I worked. He smoked 13 times in 2018, which I thought was very impressive. I did not want to change my husband. I wanted him to be his own influence and inspiration to change. I shifted my focus away from how to fix what I termed to be a ‘bad’ habit, rather to refurbishing my marriage and relationship with him. I used that opportunity to focus more on my life. Throughout our 12 years of marriage, I have created that environment for my husband to believe he can truly depend on me. I make him feel needed and greatly appreciated. I do drive him crazy and angry, sometimes with my impossible demands and accusations, which I am not ashamed of. I love him, who else should drive him nuts? But I always am proud of saying “I am sorry” when I offend him.
We’ve influenced each other positively in ways we cannot explain, and in so doing, have achieved genuine intimacy. My husband is a genius. He has our best interest as his family at heart. I have not recorded any smoking intent since we entered 2019, and I am so proud of this. My husband, really can save the day, with or without my presence at home. He takes very good care of our children. He’s been exceptionally good at the job because I give him a chance with the children. He plays with them. He sits on the floor with them. He is a kid with them and the connection is always felt amongst them. If I need my husband’s help with the kids, I ask for his help. I am that honest with him, and he is that thoughtful with us.
My husband is the best cook in the world… Damn! He can cook. Thanks to him, I only cook on weekends and on my off-work days only. He helps with the laundry, cleaning, house chores, everything.
He knows how to bring our family together on holidays. From Easter to Christmas to New Year, to all the Eid al-Fitr festivities and other public holidays. He ensures it strictly a family time for the two of us and the kids to be alone. He also brought about this tradition of us assessing our marriage at the end of every year. We put to the table what we liked and disliked about us each year. We address extensively our concerns: the temptations we faced, how we overcame or fell to it, our fears and aspirations, etc. We talk about our sex lives and how best we can improve on it, and all other relevant discussions to please us and the family as a whole.
I am proud to say that, in our 12 years of marriage, my husband has never cheated on me before. I have never cheated on him either. However, we have faced countless temptations to have almost fallen, but we did not fall. We chose not to fall. We stood our grounds for the sake of the respect we have for one another. It hasn’t been easy, but we are proud of our choices.
I am my mother’s only child, and I did not grow up with a father figure in my life, so you can imagine my expectations of a man. But my husband has tried his best to please me and make things work out for the family. His farm is still growing and producing food crops for major malls and markets and homes in Accra. I am becoming better and better as a medical practitioner. There is peace at home, and we keep looking forward to a brighter future.
How my husband proposed marriage to me, I can never forget. He handed a watermelon fruit he had named after me on my birthday to eat. I divided the fruit with the kitchen knife that evening, while he was cheering me up, and I don’t know how he did it, but there was an engagement ring, stuck in the redness of the fruit.
My love wasn’t on a time schedule. He proposed marriage to me on a Friday, and we had been friends for just eight months. My husband showed up totally for me. It hasn’t been an easy journey. It’s been shaky, and rough, but in our 12 years together as husband and wife, we’ve managed to come out just okay. We’ve developed a deeper connection year after year. Oh, and this amazing man has loved me as I have wanted, and completely as every woman deserves.” – From SIJ