From the dark she rose

When someone you love is being abused, it affects you too. It affects everyone related to the abused. Watching your mother deal with an abusive husband can be extremely tough and can cause a whole lot of mixed reactions and feelings: anger, grief, guilt and even fear. It can be especially tough if you still live in the same house as a witness to all this.DBM


“Growing up I witnessed my Mum endure various kinds of abuse from my Dad, from verbal to physical abuse. My mum is a good woman, she’d put everyone’s needs above hers. She could even see the good in the ‘devil’ himself. Sometimes, I wonder how she was created. She single handedly took care of us and my dad’s kids he brought along when he married her.

Our home was basically a war field. I remember the many times I just wanted to stay outside after school closed, so that I didn’t have to witness my mum’s torture. Funny enough I was my daddy’s girl, and not a fan of my mum back then. I disliked my mother for allowing herself to be treated that way by my dad. I remember the many times I intentionally put weapons in her reach just  when I realized my dad was about to go violent, but she would just look on, and take it all in. I did not desire to be like her when I was growing up. I could fight all my friends, stop talking to them for years, just to prove a point to myself that, I wasn’t weak, and that, I could do without people. But in the end I ended up hurt, because deep down I knew I was just her exact copy. Marriage scared me. Anytime I realized any relationship was about getting serious, I found a reason to run.

I had brothers. I was the last born, and I saw my dad get them arrested for defending their mother. They could gang up and beat up some of his concubines, try to hit him back anytime he attacked my mum. Our home was no home to bring up a child. I remember one time one of them threatened to kill the entire household because according to him, he couldn’t stand to watch us suffer whiles my dad lived like he was no parent. He tried to light a match to an open gas cylinder whiles he kept us locked in the hall, my dad included. Everyone was scared, but I was excited. The look on my Dads face gave me joy. I was counting on the explosion, little did I know those boys staged the action. After my mother’s several plea they finally opened the door. My dad run out like dog let out of a cage. It took him another two years to come back home.

He finally came back and my mum as usual took him back with open arms. He went in for a younger woman after they both relocated to another town during their old age. My mum is over 65 years and my Dad, over 70. (He doesn’t look it though, very strong and energetic). My mum found them both in his house and instead of letting her stay, he kicked her out because according to her it was late to let the woman go. The old woman had to walk all the way to her family house at a very odd hour. My mum called me the next day and informed me she was done with my dad. I laughed, because we had heard it several times from her. The next thing I heard was, their marriage had been dissolved, and the family asked my dad to apologize but according to my Dad, there was no need to. He didn’t need her and that, no man would want her at her age either, plus, her health conditions and all.

It was sad.

My mother’s love story begun. She attended many of her uninvited funerals with her friends and met her first love who cheated on her way back in school. The funeral was that of his wife. They spoke about the past and left it there. After a year my stepdad called my brothers, and his request was that we grant him permission to wed his true love. They laughed. This man was younger and was more of a man than my dad. Question was, ‘what would he be looking for in my mum?’ Dave, they had a wedding eight years ago. My mum called me and told me she never taught marriage was this beautiful. She calls me every week to pray for her husband. The man virtually cries when she is ill. He treats her like a piece of jewel. Never knew such men existed. He even sends me foodstuff at my age, Dave.

Love is a good thing. This made me believe in love again.” –From RAP

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