Ordinarily, when you make up your mind to want to settle in a marriage with someone, the last thing you probably would think about is whether or not you’re going to fall out of it. He started his journey from the end. He never really laughed or enjoyed being around her in the first place. Time spent with her meant absolutely nothing to him, yet, made time spent with her – mean something to her.
He doesn’t love his wife. He never did. – DBM
MJ: Dave, I’ve been lying to my wife
David Bondze (DB): Lol!
MJ: But why?
DB: Tell me which husband isn’t?
DB: Good morning to you too
MJ: Good morning. Sup?
DB: I am doing alright. How about you?
MJ: Cool. I don’t know how to tell my wife the truth about anything
DB: We all lie every now and then
MJ: No, mine is that bad
DB: How bad?
MJ: This bad: I don’t believe I am in love with my wife. I don’t think I love her, but I used to tell her I loved her. Once in a while I tell her I love her, but I don’t.
DB: Ok… That’s pretty bad
MJ: She’s not beautiful to me, but I have told her she is
MJ: Am I okay?
MJ: Dave, it’s killing me
DB: Why is it killing you?
MJ: Because I feel like, I’m wasting her time
DB: I see
DB: How do you feel about them too?
MJ: I love my children very much. Would lay down my life for them any day
DB: But their mother?
MJ: Not sure I care. I pretend I care when I am home, but I have a feeling she’s seeing through me.
DB: That you don’t care?
MJ: Something like that. I love the way she takes care of my children. They love her very much
DB: And, how does that make you feel?
MJ: I just smile at the sight of it, that’s all
DB: Do you see her efforts towards the marriage and the home?
MJ: Home, yes. She tries to keep everything in order sometimes. Marriage, I don’t know. It’s never been a serious thought
DB: Why did you marry her?
MJ: That’s the same question I have been asking myself
DB: Do you have sisters?
DB: Because I would want you to imagine a similar thing being done to your biological sister by a brother-in-law
MJ: I know I have a problem, that’s why we are chatting
DB: Why did you marry your wife?
MJ: I’ve told you already, I do not know. Maybe I assumed she would be a good mother to my kids
DB: Why did you assume that about her?
MJ: She looked the part
MJ: I’m being honest, bruh
DB: I appreciate your candor. Is there ever a time you genuinely feel attracted to her?
MJ: Sex. Lol
DB: The sex is good?
DB: And after the sex?
MJ: Back to square one. She’s just like any other girl I’m f**king
DB: Hmmm. You practically just answered my next question
MJ: I’m hitting it out there, yep!
DB: What do you want me to do for you? Because as it stands now, I can only suggest you see a therapist. I know a few good ones I can recommend.
MJ: I want to know from other guys if it’s normal, you know?
DB: It’s not normal; even I know that. You don’t do that to someone’s child, someone’s daughter. You don’t do that.
MJ: I know, Dave. But it’s already done. What do I do? I sometimes go out of my way to make her happy or meet her need. I’m not entirely bad news
DB: So, you are happy with making little sacrifices for her?
MJ: I didn’t say ‘happy’. You are saying it
DB: Would you put off a day for her?
MJ: Like, how?
DB: Like, she’s seriously sick and needs you to assist in taking care of her instead of going to work. Would you be totally cool with that?
MJ: I wouldn’t mind, why not? Nipa nua ne nipa!
DB: What makes you want to help her sometimes?
MJ: My children. I think about them, I think about how she’s trying to bring them up well, and I sometimes feel empathetic
DB: I don’t think I have had a chat like this before.
MJ: Divorce is something I have not considered either.
DB: Why not? You don’t love her. Why are you still keeping her around?
MJ: I don’t know. Maybe, for the kids’ sake.
DB: And, when they are no more kids?
MJ: I will divorce her
DB: She would be how old by then?
DB: Who do you love?
MJ: My kids, my siblings, my parents, my buddies
DB: Oh, GOD!
MJ: I don’t love her
DB: Oh, GOD!
MJ: I don’t love her, Dave. I don’t even know how to try
DB: Do you believe in love?
MJ: Towards those I have named above? Yes
DB: I see
DB: When I tell you that, ‘I do miss you’ I’m not saying it because I feel it’s just one of those cute, catchy phrases. If I tell you, “I miss you”, then I really do – even if it’s only an hour apart. It’s a real ache that confirms you’re indeed, a big part of my life.
MJ: Ok… Lol
DB: Who do you miss?
MJ: My children, my buddies
DB: I see.
DB: When I am in a committed relationship, my partner would be the ‘something good’ I would want to think about, should everything else feel off or go bad. Should a job be driving me nuts, my consolation at the end of the day should be, having a beloved at home/somewhere who would be available to me to cheer me up. Please don’t tell me your ‘children’ BS again. WHO is your ‘something good’ when nothing else seems to be making sense to you?
MJ: Rough sex with any of my girlfriends, or going home to my children.
DB: Are you for real?
MJ: I don’t love her.
DB: My partner should be my ‘personal’ person. Who do you go to FIRST when something really great or terribly, horrible, happens to you?
MJ: One of my buddies, or the chicka that f**ks me crazy, to f**k the hell out’ta my system
DB: Whom are you not worried about scaring off?
MJ: I don’t get the question
DB: I mean, whom are you comfortable enough to show your weaknesses to, or cry in front of – and feel alright?
MJ: Any of my chickas
DB: What is ‘Chicka’?
DB: Do you love any of them?
MJ: I like being around any of them
DB: Do you think you like your wife?
MJ: I like who she is. She doesn’t give me headache always.
DB: Do you like your wife?
MJ: I like her, for my kids’ sake, I mean, I have to like her for this to work?
DB: What is that ‘this’?
MJ: She’s caring for my children and the home.
DB: Is she not caring for you?
MJ: She is
DB: And, is that not good enough reason?
MJ: Dave, what do you want me to say?
DB: That your wife’s sacrifices are not in vain?
MJ: They are not in vain. My kids will grow up knowing what it means to be loved by their parents
DB: That her love for you is not in vain?
MJ: I made a mistake leading her on into believing stuffs.
DB: That’s all?
MJ: I do not love my wife. I’ve never loved her, but I like her. I like her right now
DB: Because of the kids?
DB: Seriously, you are one of the painful chats I’ve ever had
DB: Do you understand her?
DB: Why always?
MJ: Because I don’t want any wahala
DB: Do you respect her?
MJ: Very much. That’s why I am keeping anything that would hurt her feelings away from her. I play dirty outside, and return home clean.
DB: Do you accept her for who she is?
MJ: I accept anyone I feel I can gel with
DB: I’m talking about your wife
MJ: I’ve answered the question, Dave
DB: Do you enjoy talking to her?
DB: Do you feel invested?
DB: Like not wanting your investment in her and the marriage/family to go waste, or that feeling of failure
MJ: I don’t know
DB: Do you feel that she accepts you?
MJ: She doesn’t know me. My wife doesn’t know this truth about me. She’s probably accepted me for who I’ve presented myself to be for her to love.
DB: You need to be honest with her
MJ: About what?
DB: The way forward
MJ: When my kids are 19 or 20 years old, I will tell her the truth