Dirty on the outside, clean inside

Ordinarily, when you make up your mind to want to settle in a marriage with someone, the last thing you probably would think about is whether or not you’re going to fall out of it. He started his journey from the end. He never really laughed or enjoyed being around her in the first place. Time spent with her meant absolutely nothing to him, yet, made time spent with her – mean something to her.

He doesn’t love his wife. He never did. – DBM

#MyChatWithHim

MJ: Dave, I’ve been lying to my wife

David Bondze (DB): Lol!

MJ: Oh!

DB: Lol!

MJ: But why?

DB: Tell me which husband isn’t?

MJ: Hmmm

DB: Good morning to you too

MJ: Good morning. Sup?

DB: I am doing alright. How about you?

MJ: Cool. I don’t know how to tell my wife the truth about anything

DB: We all lie every now and then

MJ: No, mine is that bad

DB: How bad?

MJ: This bad: I don’t believe I am in love with my wife. I don’t think I love her, but I used to tell her I loved her. Once in a while I tell her I love her, but I don’t.

DB: Ok… That’s pretty bad

MJ: She’s not beautiful to me, but I have told her she is

DB: Hmmmm!

MJ: Am I okay?

DB: No!

MJ: Dave, it’s killing me

DB: Why is it killing you?

MJ: Because I feel like, I’m wasting her time

DB: I see

MJ: Hmmm

DB: Kids?

MJ: Yes

DB: How do you feel about them too?

MJ: I love my children very much. Would lay down my life for them any day

DB: But their mother?

MJ: Not sure I care. I pretend I care when I am home, but I have a feeling she’s seeing through me.

DB: That you don’t care?

MJ: Something like that. I love the way she takes care of my children. They love her very much

DB: And, how does that make you feel?

MJ: I just smile at the sight of it, that’s all

DB: Do you see her efforts towards the marriage and the home?

MJ: Home, yes. She tries to keep everything in order sometimes. Marriage, I don’t know. It’s never been a serious thought

DB: Why did you marry her?

MJ: That’s the same question I have been asking myself

DB: Do you have sisters?

MJ: Why?

DB: Because I would want you to imagine a similar thing being done to your biological sister by a brother-in-law

MJ: I know I have a problem, that’s why we are chatting

DB: Why did you marry your wife?

MJ: I’ve told you already, I do not know. Maybe I assumed she would be a good mother to my kids

DB: Why did you assume that about her?

MJ: She looked the part

DB: Smh!

MJ: I’m being honest, bruh

DB: I appreciate your candor. Is there ever a time you genuinely feel attracted to her?

MJ: Sex. Lol

DB: The sex is good?

MJ: Yep.

DB: And after the sex?

MJ: Back to square one. She’s just like any other girl I’m f**king

DB: Hmmm. You practically just answered my next question

MJ: I’m hitting it out there, yep!

DB: What do you want me to do for you? Because as it stands now, I can only suggest you see a therapist. I know a few good ones I can recommend.

MJ: I want to know from other guys if it’s normal, you know?

DB: It’s not normal; even I know that. You don’t do that to someone’s child, someone’s daughter. You don’t do that.

MJ: I know, Dave. But it’s already done. What do I do? I sometimes go out of my way to make her happy or meet her need. I’m not entirely bad news

DB: So, you are happy with making little sacrifices for her?

MJ: I didn’t say ‘happy’. You are saying it

DB: Would you put off a day for her?

MJ: Like, how?

DB: Like, she’s seriously sick and needs you to assist in taking care of her instead of going to work. Would you be totally cool with that?

MJ: I wouldn’t mind, why not? Nipa nua ne nipa!

DB: What makes you want to help her sometimes?

MJ: My children. I think about them, I think about how she’s trying to bring them up well, and I sometimes feel empathetic

DB: I don’t think I have had a chat like this before.

MJ: Divorce is something I have not considered either.

DB: Why not? You don’t love her. Why are you still keeping her around?

MJ: I don’t know. Maybe, for the kids’ sake.

DB: And, when they are no more kids?

MJ: I will divorce her

DB: She would be how old by then?

MJ: Hmmm

DB: Who do you love?

MJ: My kids, my siblings, my parents, my buddies

DB: Oh, GOD!

MJ: I don’t love her

DB: Oh, GOD!

MJ: I don’t love her, Dave. I don’t even know how to try

DB: Do you believe in love?

MJ: Towards those I have named above? Yes

DB: I see

MJ: Hmmm

DB: When I tell you that, ‘I do miss you’ I’m not saying it because I feel it’s just one of those cute, catchy phrases. If I tell you, “I miss you”, then I really do – even if it’s only an hour apart. It’s a real ache that confirms you’re indeed, a big part of my life.

MJ: Ok… Lol

DB: Who do you miss?

MJ: My children, my buddies

DB: I see.

MJ: Yes

DB: When I am in a committed relationship, my partner would be the ‘something good’ I would want to think about, should everything else feel off or go bad. Should a job be driving me nuts, my consolation at the end of the day should be, having a beloved at home/somewhere who would be available to me to cheer me up. Please don’t tell me your ‘children’ BS again. WHO is your ‘something good’ when nothing else seems to be making sense to you?

MJ: Rough sex with any of my girlfriends, or going home to my children.

DB: Wow!

MJ: Truth

DB: Are you for real?

MJ: I don’t love her.

DB: My partner should be my ‘personal’ person. Who do you go to FIRST when something really great or terribly, horrible, happens to you?

MJ: One of my buddies, or the chicka that f**ks me crazy, to f**k the hell out’ta my system

DB: Whom are you not worried about scaring off?

MJ: I don’t get the question

DB: I mean, whom are you comfortable enough to show your weaknesses to, or cry in front of – and feel alright?

MJ: Any of my chickas

DB: What is ‘Chicka’?

MJ: Girlfriends

DB: Do you love any of them?

MJ: I like being around any of them

DB: Do you think you like your wife?

MJ: I like who she is. She doesn’t give me headache always.

DB: Do you like your wife?

MJ: I like her, for my kids’ sake, I mean, I have to like her for this to work?

DB: What is that ‘this’?

MJ: She’s caring for my children and the home.

DB: Is she not caring for you?

MJ: She is

DB: And, is that not good enough reason?

MJ: Dave, what do you want me to say?

DB: That your wife’s sacrifices are not in vain?

MJ: They are not in vain. My kids will grow up knowing what it means to be loved by their parents

DB: That her love for you is not in vain?

MJ: I made a mistake leading her on into believing stuffs.

DB: That’s all?

MJ: I do not love my wife. I’ve never loved her, but I like her. I like her right now

DB: Because of the kids?

MJ: Yes

DB: Seriously, you are one of the painful chats I’ve ever had

MJ: Hmmm

DB: Do you understand her?

MJ: Always

DB: Why always?

MJ: Because I don’t want any wahala

DB: Do you respect her?

MJ: Very much. That’s why I am keeping anything that would hurt her feelings away from her. I play dirty outside, and return home clean.

DB: Do you accept her for who she is?

MJ: I accept anyone I feel I can gel with

DB: I’m talking about your wife

MJ: I’ve answered the question, Dave

DB: Do you enjoy talking to her?

MJ: Sometimes

DB: Do you feel invested?

MJ: Like?

DB: Like not wanting your investment in her and the marriage/family to go waste, or that feeling of failure

MJ: I don’t know

DB: Do you feel that she accepts you?

MJ: She doesn’t know me. My wife doesn’t know this truth about me. She’s probably accepted me for who I’ve presented myself to be for her to love.

DB: You need to be honest with her

MJ: About what?

DB: The way forward

MJ: When my kids are 19 or 20 years old, I will tell her the truth