Crossing the line

Is it wrong to date your best friend’s ex? How disrespectful is that? Can one date a friend’s ex – with or without their permission? Is loving such people even worth the pursuit, regardless? How about friendship? Is it worth sacrificing all in the name of love? Can one love both parties without them necessarily, having to enjoy each other? How complicated can this venture be eventually? Is this an off-limit topic? – DBM 


CM: Hi

David Bondze (DB): Hi

CM: How are you?

DB: I am doing alright. How are you?

CM: Fine.

DB: Okay!

CM: My ex-husband’s best friend asked me out.

DB: On a date?

CM: Yes.

DB: Good for you.

CM: Really! You think it’s a good idea?

DB: Why not? He’s single, right?

CM: A widower.

DB: Good for you.

CM: Hmmm.

DB: You’re not comfortable with the idea of you and him?

CM: He’s a great guy.

DB: So, what’s the problem?

CM: I got to know him through my ex-husband.

DB: And?

CM: My ex can be very unreasonable.

DB: How unreasonable?

CM: I don’t know how to explain it.

DB: You have kids?

CM: Yes, four of them.

DB: Oh, wow!

CM: I know.

DB: And, how long were you two married?

CM: 14 years.

DB: Why did you divorce?

CM: He had an affair. I couldn’t trust him anymore, so I left the marriage.

DB: How long has it been since you divorced?

CM: Almost a year.

DB: I see. Your new admirer, has he got any kids?

CM: Three kids.

DB: What happened to his late wife?

CM: Cancer.

DB: So, he’s been a widower for how long?

CM: Over a year.

DB: You like him?

CM: I like him very much. He’s one of a kind.

DB: You love him?

CM: I think so.

DB: Are you in love with him?

CM: I do not know.

DB: Is he in love with you?

CM: I do not know. You might have to ask him.

DB: Can you get him to chat with me?

CM: Huh?

DB: You can call him and ask.

CM: To chat with you?

DB: He’s on Facebook, right?

CM: Yes.

DB: So, call him, and tell him to check his Facebook.

CM: Lol! This is crazy.

DB: What’s his name?

CM: Are you serious?

DB: I am.

CM: Oh, my.

DB: Unless you do not want to know how he feels about you and this whole interest in each other thing.

CM: … Name withheld

DB: Thank you. Call him and tell him to expect a message from me.

CM: He’s not going to go through with this. He’s a very private person.

DB: Use your magic charm to get him to chat with me. Just tell him it is important to you.

CM: I can try.

DB: Thank you.


My chat with OPA

DB: Hello Sir. How are you? CM asked me to reach out to you.

OPA: Hey.

DB: I hope you’re doing alright?

OPA: Yes.

DB: Great! CM just told me you asked her out.

OPA: What?

DB: And she says she loves you very much.

OPA: She said that?

DB: Yes.

OPA: Cool.

DB: I asked her whether or not you felt the same way about her.

OPA: And?

DB: She does not know.

OPA: Really?

DB: Really!

OPA: Hmmm.

DB: Do you like her?

OPA: Why do you want to know?

DB: She wants to know.

OPA: She can ask me directly.

DB: But she hasn’t, because she’s not sure about a lot of things.

OPA: Like?

DB: How her ex-husband is going to take all this.

OPA: Okay.

DB: Do you think about that too.

OPA: Yes.

DB: Does it bother you?

OPA: Yes.

DB: Why does it bother you?

OPA: Why do you want to know?

DB: CM is going to read this chat I am having with you. You are going read my chat with her also. Unless you do not want to know what the two of you think of each other.

OPA: Okay.

DB: Do you like her?

OPA: I like her, yes.

DB: Do you love her?

OPA: Yes.

DB: Are you in love with her?

OPA: Lol!

DB: Why?

OPA: Your questions makes me laugh.

DB: Why is that?

OPA: I am in love with her.

DB: For how long now?

OPA: For a while now.

DB: Okay!

OPA: She’s a wonderful lady.

DB: Does your best friend know about how you feel about his ex?

OPA: No.

DB: Will you tell him?

OPA: Not sure. He will not approve of us.

DB: Why?

OPA: He’s still in love with her. I was supposed to talk her out of the divorce. I wasn’t supposed to fall for her in the process.

DB: Oh, wow!

OPA: He tells me everything about his ex-wife. He’s really changed. He wants his wife back.

DB: How about the affair he was having?

OPA: He ended things with her. He realized his error and is trying his best to be a better man for his wife.

DB: Does his ex-wife know about all this?

OPA: Not really.

DB: Why haven’t you told her?

OPA: I feel she deserves better than him.

DB: And, who is the better in this context?

OPA: I can make her happy. I will make her and the kids happy.

DB: She has four kids.

OPA: I know. I can love them well. I will love them.

DB: More than their father would?

OPA: Hmmm.

DB: Anyways…

OPA: I don’t want to betray our friendship.

DB: So, tell him about your feelings for her.

OPA: He will not understand. But I care about C. We really have a connection. I think about her all the time. I want to make her happy. I really can make her happy.

DB: Is your romantic feelings for her more important to you than your friendship with him?

OPA: That’s a tough question. I don’t know. Never thought of that.

DB: Do you desire having sex with her?

OPA: Yes.

DB: Your friend is going to imagine all of that. He’s going to be hurt.

OPA: So what do I do? Because I can’t have this conversation with him. I’m in love with CM.

DB: He’s in love with his CM.

OPA: They’re no longer together.

DB: Then tell him about your intentions. You should figure out a way to make this decision easier on him.

OPA: Would that have to be my responsibility?

DB: You’re his best friend.

OPA: So I need his permission?

DB: What would losing your best friend and the friendship between you two – mean to you?

OPA: He’s like a brother to me.

DB: I appreciate you for this chat.

OPA: I’m sad.

DB: I know.

OPA: I’m very much in love with her.

DB: It was nice talking to you.

OPA: Hmmm…


My chat continues with CM

DB: Hey

CM: Dave. Are you done chatting with him?

DB: Yes please.

CM: Ok?

DB: You will find out when I publish it.

CM: I think I am in love with him. I couldn’t answer your question earlier. I thought about it, and I know how I feel about him. I am so much in love with OPA.

DB: That’s good to know.

CM: It’s weird right?

DB: Love can be complicated.

CM: I can make him happy. We click in a way.

DB: Lol!

CM: What’s funny?

DB: He said the same thing to me about you.

CM: Really?

DB: Yes.

CM: We’ve not even kissed or had sex yet.

DB: Are you over your ex-husband?

CM: I do not love him anymore. I’m totally over him. I’ve moved on.

DB: Has he also?

CM: I do not care. Our marriage is done.

DB: That’s good. OPA seems to me like a cool guy.

CM: He’s the best.

DB: Awww!

CM: He makes me forget all of my worries. My kids love him. His kids love me.

DB: I’m happy to know.

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