I hear that the Chinese people use two brush strokes to always write the word crisis. One brush stroke, I’m informed stands for danger; and the other signifying opportunity. So in other words, whenever you find yourself in crisis, be intentionally aware of the danger ahead, but also make it a desire to recognize the opportunities in it. This life we’ve been given is an opportunity. A beautiful opportunity to experience love in it. A unique opportunity to also learn how to genuinely, love others in the same way. – DBM
JV: Hello David.
David Bondze (DB): Yieu!
JV: I have a story to share
JV: But I have a question to ask first.
DB: Please ask.
JV: Is love really worth dying for?
DB: If a relationship makes me unhappy, where deep down in my heart I know it’s not right, but for whatever reason – I seem to be trying so hard to be holding on to it, hoping things would get better, such love, I would not die for.
JV: Hmmm! So there are instances love would be worth dying for, right?
DB: I can sacrifice to an extent, with my love. I can sacrifice to an extent, with my trust. I can sacrifice money any day, and choose to go hungry for another to feed. I have ever sacrificed to be faithful and not cheat. I have done all these and more.
JV: Have you loved to death?
DB: When it comes to self-preservation, there is only one person I am more devoted to than love, and you just happen to be chatting with him right now.
DB: Indeed! There is no reason I would ever die for love under any circumstance.
DB: These are not the days of Elijah. Bones aren’t turning into flesh anymore.
JV: I see.
DB: Even in your wake, loved ones are sampling others at your blindside. How much more in your death?
JV: Your response is very depressing.
DB: I know. Anyways, tell me your story.
JV: We were attacked at home, five months ago.
DB: Armed robbery?
DB: I’m terribly sorry.
JV: Three armed men. They gave us the option to choose between life and death.
DB: When you say, ‘us’, you mean?
JV: My husband.
DB: Okay! How long have you been married?
JV: Eight years.
DB: Why were you attacked?
JV: My husband impregnated an intern at his office, and he denied responsibility for the pregnancy.
DB: How do you know it was his pregnancy?
JV: He confessed to having an affair with the said lady.
DB: I see.
JV: And the armed men were her brother and his friends.
JV: Could you believe when they offered to either rape me in turns or kill my husband, my husband begged me to allow them rape me?
DB: A man always wants the best for himself in this life. And he will still not be content with the best.
JV: It’s a pity.
DB: I know. I am so sorry.
JV: Oh, I was not raped.
DB: You weren’t?
JV: No, though I agreed to them raping me in turns just to save his life.
JV: The brother of the intern took me to another room to explain their reason for the break-in. He asked me to play along while they disciplined my husband. I was scared for my life, so I played along.
DB: Played along, how?
JV: I had to cry and moan in pain, beg and be in fear to my husband’s hearing, to suggest being raped. They came in turns, and I had to feign it.
DB: And, what was happening to your husband in the other room?
JV: They lashed him on the bed, caned him mercilessly till he was sore.
JV: They forced him to MoMo an amount to the intern’s number, and also write a cheque in her name to be cashed. They left afterwards.
DB: So, no one touched you inappropriately?
JV: But my husband thinks I was raped.
DB: Who cares? He is entitled to his informed opinion.
JV: He’s refusing to touch me.
DB: As in?
JV: He says he cannot get over the fact that, three men had sex with me, and that, he needs time to wrap his head around it.
DB: So, give him time.
JV: It’s been five months. Is that not enough time? I think he finds me disgusting.
DB: Again, you should not care about what he thinks of you.
JV: Why not?
DB: Because his opinion of you does not define you. Moreover, you were not raped.
JV: But he doesn’t know that part of the story.
DB: And so?
JV: I am considering telling him the truth.
DB: Really? Why would you want to do that?
JV: He’s my husband. I just want to be honest with him.
DB: What kind of man is your husband?
JV: He’s a good man. And I love him.
DB: Is he the kind of man who will willingly, opt to die for you in a relationship?
JV: I doubt that.
DB: Is he the type that finds delight in serving you, or he waits, always to be served?
JV: He wants to be served.
DB: Does he add up to your life to make it better?
JV: Maybe, but why all these questions?
DB: You’re just describing your husband to me, that’s all.
JV: He’s not perfect.
DB: A man becomes with his wife. So, if your husband is succeeding in life, I need to be able to have a gaudy description of you, also at your very best, succeeding. Meaning, if your husband is happy, I need to believe you are even extremely, happy. If your husband is content with you, I should easily know he is more than enough to/for you too. Nnsa koh na nnsa aba. One shouldn’t be at level 80 whiles the spouse struggles to make it through 20.
DB: Being honest with him at this point isn’t relevant. He’s been dishonest with you. And, truth always comes to light eventually, but until it’s time for the truth to out itself, you’re under no obligation, especially, in your circumstance, to open your mouth.
JV: I want my marriage to work.
DB: This isn’t a test to see whether or not you can pass. If someone truly loves you, they love you through and through. There should be no ruler in a lover’s hand. If your husband is that much into you, he will love you with an outstretched arm, willing to touch you intimately with no conditions attached.