When you meet someone you least expected to meet, and get to like them even under the weirdest of circumstances: When you fall in love with them and get to share the treasured emotion of loving and being loved back, the feeling is fulfilling. The best of it all is when they are exactly your type, yet not your type. How do you fit them into your ‘type’ category to fit perfectly? Loving someone we like is work, but is everyone worth it in the end? – DBM
QK: Hello David. Good afternoon.
David Bondze (DB): Hey, good afternoon. How are you?
QK: I’m good. How are you?
DB: I’m doing alright, thanks.
QK: I was dating a married man that I loved dearly.
DB: Why was your choice of love in a married man?
QK: He pursued me, got me interested. I fell in love with him before being wise to ask about his marital status. When I found out, it was too late.
DB: Too late to what?
QK: To back out.
DB: I see. You no longer could make the choice to opt out?
QK: I had the choice but I had already fallen deeply in love with him.
DB: I can understand.
DB: How old are you?
QK: 33 years
DB: Oh, ok.
QK: How old are you, Dave?
QK: Oh, nice. Married?
DB: Can we get back to talking about you, please?
QK: Lol! Come on, it’s just a simple question.
DB: I am not married.
QK: Ok! On my 31st birthday, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a car. It wasn’t brand new, slightly used but looked so new.
DB: That was nice of him.
QK: Yeah. He was always concerned about my needs. One of the reasons why I loved him so much. He cared and did not want to see me struggle in life. He did the best he could to help make life comfortable for me.
DB: He sounds like a cool guy.
QK: He was.
DB: I see.
QK: He wanted me to get the car sprayed with my favorite color, and I intended taking it to the sprayer that weekend. It was a Thursday.
DB: Hmmm! Okay?
QK: So that following day, which was a Friday, I drove the car to work to test my driving skills. I wanted to have a feel of it before the weekend. While on the highway, a car tried to overtake me, and in the attempt, blocked me. I was signaled to stop, which I did, and had to confront whoever he was. It was this young man accusing me of driving a stolen vehicle.
DB: Oh, no!
QK: Exactly! I thought he was crazy, but he was serious. Apparently, his dad had been attacked by armed robbers while driving my car. He said the car belonged to his mother and his dad had taken it to the DVLA the day he was attacked.
DB: You don’t say!
QK: I was about to call my ex-boyfriend, when the guy took out his phone to show me a picture he had taken of his parents, standing beside the car, as a support to his argument. Apparently, his dad had bought that car for his mother as their anniversary present. His dad is my ex-boyfriend.
QK: Dave, the story of my life.
DB: You were dating a mature man. How old was he?
QK: He was in his early or mid-50’s when we met.
DB: When you found out about his marital status, did you also bother to know why he was cheating on his wife?
QK: No, but he used to tell me he did not love her anymore. He said he hadn’t loved her in a long while. He said he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her the truth. He made me understand he enjoyed being with me and not with his wife.
QK: What was I to do? I was single looking for love.
DB: Oh, I’m not judging.
QK: I know.
DB: What happened after finding out that his dad was your boyfriend?
QK: I freaked out. I wanted to call my ex, but after seeing his picture on his phone, I had to think. I showed him the phone number and picture of my boyfriend, and we both were stunned. We talked at length, and decided on not confronting his dad. The agreement was, I returned the car to his mother with a cooked-up story.
DB: What kind of cooked-up story?
QK: That someone was trying to sell the stolen car to me. The guy got his mother’s I.D Card for me to place in the car. I used finding the I.D Card in the car to assume the stolen car theory.
DB: That was smart.
QK: In exchange, I made him to promise not to tell his mother the truth. He also promised not confronting his dad.
QK: I ended my relationship with him after returning the car.
DB: This whole ‘I don’t love my wife anymore’ claims is the kind of thinking most men use in freeing themselves, at least, in their minds, to seek love or attention elsewhere.
QK: I trusted him.
DB: That he didn’t love his wife anymore?
QK: No, not that. He lied about the car.
DB: Well … We all will feel loved when we are convinced that someone genuinely, cares about our well-being.
QK: His son and I were communicating on phone about the whole episode and had gotten angry, and oftentimes, even laughed about the whole scenario, months after I had returned the car to his mother.
DB: You two became friends? Lol!
QK: He kept keeping in touch.
DB: And you kept tolerating him.
QK: He sounded sane and mature. I liked the way he handled the whole event about his mother’s car.
DB: And you found that to be very attractive of him.
DB: Why are you laughing?
QK: Am not laughing. Lol!
QK: I am two years older than him.
DB: You like him?
QK: Very much.
DB: He likes you?
QK: I’d want to believe so.
DB: You need to ask him.
QK: I have.
QK: He says he loves me.
DB: How long before his sudden interest in you – since the car thing?
QK: Six, seven months.
DB: I see.
QK: He’s shown so much interest in me, I feel I am falling for him too. He picks me up from home every morning to take me to work before going to his work place.
DB: Love always seeks to meet needs.
QK: I love him, but I am scared.
DB: I can understand the fear.
QK: What if he’s setting me up?
DB: What if he’s trying to get back at his father by dating you?
QK: Exactly, Dave. The ‘what ifs’ are many.
DB: What if he genuinely, is that much into you?
DB: What’s his current relationship with his dad?
QK: Not good. I know he doesn’t talk to him.
DB: I see.
QK: He’s mad at me because he feels I am not giving him the chance to love me. Dave, how do I explain my fears about his love for me to him?
DB: You’re expressing love, but you’re not connecting emotionally; I’ve been in those shoes before.
QK: How did you handle yours?
DB: I loved and trusted with my whole being. At the end, I was made to realize I was ‘a fool’ for believing what I had was real.
QK: How did it make you feel?
DB: I learnt my lesson. I do not trust anyone who asks me to trust them and their love for me.
DB: That is my experience. Yours may be different. Yours may turn out good – for all you know.
QK: What if it doesn’t?
DB: You make the most out of it if it turns out sour. Learning a lesson out of something is to make something out of something.
DB: Such is life. Life happens.
QK: How about the age difference? It also bothers me.
DB: I don’t see anything wrong in dating a man you love.
QK: I’m not talking about ‘love’, Dave. The age difference.
DB: I don’t see anything wrong with dating a man you are older than, that you love.
DB: Have you two had sex yet?
QK: We almost did, but I couldn’t carry on. He looks so much like his father. We always end up frustrated in bed when we try to get intimate. I also do not know how his dad would feel about this whole new relationship of mine.
DB: Embrace his feelings for you if it feels good within. Enjoy him, and all the attention he gives you. Never be at a loss for words if he intrigues you in ways beyond your understanding. Celebrate this experience, no matter how weird it looks. Create good memories with him if you love him that much. Make him happy if he’s willing to make you happy. Some people deserve experiencing them. But you need to be cautious also. He’s human, and may be up to no good. Lol!
QK: Now you’re confusing me again.