Coping with the realities

Are you strong enough? Are you able to handle situations of any kind? Are you able to admit to the call for help? What would you do should your wife or husband be taken ill for years? Would you be angry? Would you know where to turn? How would you be able to schedule your career, the home, the kids and the sick spouse? Would you be able to keep a balanced life and still, be in your element? – DBM

#MyChatWithHim

GSR: Good morning, Dave

David Bondze (DB): Hello, Sir! Good morning. How are you?

GSR: I’m fine. How are you?

DB: I am doing alright, thanks.

GSR: It’s been over a month since I said ‘hello’ to you. I have been waving at you in your inbox for God knows how long. Is it a selective thing you are doing?

DB: I’m terribly sorry. And no, I am not being selective on my page. You should know I have other things doing and I come on Facebook only when I am free. I open the first few messages at the top of the messages. I am unable to go through everything in my inbox most at times, though I try to respond to as many as possible. Unless it’s a survey, I am unable to really keep up.

GSR: Hmmm! I want us to chat.

DB: Okay, about?

GSR: Let me start from the beginning: My laptop was being set up for a public presentation. It was being connected to the projector. It was open, and almost all of my social media platforms were running.

DB: Okay?

GSR: And then, I had to use the washroom, so I left it in the care of the operator. Upon my return, a message sent to my Skype was on display on the projected screen.

DB: What was in the message?

GSR: “You’re so sweet. It was good being with you!”

DB: Okay! And, who was that from?

GSR: A lady I had helped.

DB: Cool!

GSR: The picture of the lady, and the message, communicated a different thing all together.

DB: A different thing like?

GSR: Like, we had had some kind of affair.

DB: Have you had sex with the lady?

GSR: Never.

DB: Have you made any attempts to pursue her in that manner?

GSR: Never, Dave. I am a married man.

DB: How long have you been married?

GSR: 13 years.

DB: Okay!

GSR: And I’ve never cheated on my wife before.

DB: That’s awesome. So, what kind of ‘help’ did you offer this lady?

GSR: I had to assist her and her daughter financially. I spent time with them to get their bills paid. Etc.

DB: Okay!

GSR: That was all.

DB: So, you have nothing to worry about.

GSR: It’s not that simple. My wife’s cousin was in the auditorium, and I think she said something to my in-laws. I suspect they are thinking the worst of me.

DB: For as long as I’ve lived, people have always found something to talk about others. People will talk.

GSR: Even if what they’re saying is not true?

DB: You’re not supposed to give a damn about their opinions. It should have no basis in defining your purpose. So far as what they are purporting isn’t your truth, leave them to humor themselves.

GSR: Hmmm.

DB: You should not give anyone the pleasure to stir your reasoning into fury – with their negativity and foolishness.

GSR: Hmmm!

DB: Prove yourself to yourself only.

GSR: The reason why I want to chat with you is because my wife wants me to find another woman to be intimate with.

DB: Really?

GSR: Yes.

DB: And, what’s her reason?

GSR: I think what happened at my presentation was reported to her. I’d also want to believe, because she feels she’s denied me certain ‘wifely’ obligations.

DB: What’s going on with her?

GSR: She’s been bedridden for almost two years now. After the birth of our last child.

DB: Oh, no! I’m terribly sorry.

GSR: It’s cool, bro.

DB: Hmmm!

GSR: It’s not been easy.

DB: I’m tempted to ask what illness is keeping her this inactive, however, do not tell me. Are you okay?

GSR: I feel very stressed, Dave. Everything is on me now.

DB: How many kids do you have?

GSR: Three.

DB: I see.

GSR: Her mother visits to help with the house. Mine too does, but they can only do enough.

DB: I can only imagine.

GSR: My mother-in-law was not supposed to be here this month, but she showed up last week, and then, all of a sudden, my wife is suggesting I find another woman to be with.

DB: You need to ask her why.

GSR: I have, but she wouldn’t talk.

DB: So, you’ve not had sex for that long?

GSR: Yes.

DB: And, does it bother you?

GSR: Honestly?

DB: Honestly!

GSR: It bothers me sometimes, but not for the most of the times.

DB: So, what do you do when horny?

GSR: I have so much on my hands to get done, I am almost, always, tired. I don’t get time to get horny.

DB: But you get horny.

GSR: I do.

DB: So, what do you do?

GSR: Lol! Dave, Dave… Lol!

DB: That’s not a response.

GSR: Are you having sex?

DB: No please.

GSR: For how long now?

DB: For a very long while.

GSR: So what do you also do when you’re horny?

DB: I stand by the roadside to count moving vehicles.

GSR: Lol!

DB: True.

GSR: I make use of my hand.

DB: Okay, that’s cool.

GSR: But I want more.

DB: I can understand. And your wife has given you the go-ahead.

GSR: I don’t think that’s what she really wants.

DB: You know that for a fact?

GSR: I do. She would have stood by my side, through thick or thin, should I have been the one in her predicament. She would have been faithful to me. But Dave, it’s not easy. It’s becoming too much to bear. Taking care of these kids alone is a handful.

DB: You can employ assistance.

GSR: I know. It’s just not that simple trusting a total stranger with your home, sick wife and kids.

DB: Are you going to be alright?

GSR: If only she’d get better any time soon, I’d be relieved.

DB: What if she doesn’t heal any time soon?

GSR: I don’t know, Dave. And that scares me.

DB: Hmmm!

GSR: Things have not been the same anymore since she was taken ill.

DB: What is really bothering you, aside her illness?

GSR: I want my wife back. I want my wife to talk to, to have fun with. I’m tired.

DB: But you’ve done well, you know? Sticking to/by her side through it all.

GSR: What do I do concerning her request?

DB: How important is sex to you?

GSR: Very important. But most importantly, I want that companionship and constant communication with my woman.

DB: Do you want to try that with someone else?

GSR: I don’t know. I used not to think of that. But since my wife brought it up, it’s been occurring to me every now and then.

DB: The guilt of it or the possible fun part of it?

GSR: I want back my life.

DB: This is the state of your life right now. What are you going to do with the moment?

GSR: Would it be wrong to try something different?

DB: Something different that could make you happy?

GSR: Yes.

DB: I have been happy a lot of the times that I have stopped waiting for my life to begin and rather, started making the most of the moments I found myself in.

GSR: A little sex here and there would make me happy, but my beliefs and vows conflicts with my thinking.

DB: If I don’t like something or someone, I just take away its only power: My attention!

GSR: Hmmm!

DB: Yeah!

GSR: I’ve been faithful, but Dave, I want something to help me take my attention off the stress. I just don’t know if it would be the right thing to do.

DB: Do you want to do this?

GSR: I’d love to, but I do not know to what extent it could go. I don’t want my attention to be divided.

DB: Where does the “In sickness and in health” vow comes to hand?

GSR: I’ve done almost two years and to be frank, that vow does not hold water if you’re under the pressure of caring for the sick spouse. I’m always depressed.

DB: Okay! Let me post it and see what others also think.