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Can’t can

“No woman should have to tolerate such nonsense in a relationship. No woman should have to endure disrespect simply because they’re financially dependent on their husbands. I am hoping my story will encourage the young ladies out there. Don’t rush into any marriage if you are not working or earning enough to give you the ability to walk on your own terms. I am very helpless in this marriage and I do not wish my condition even for my worst enemy. Ladies, be financially independent so that you never have to feel helpless in a marriage.”KM

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“I am married to a man I would do anything for. Dave, I’ve invested my time, emotions and effort into this relationship hoping it would blossom in the years. Seven years in the marriage already and my husband is yet to appreciate or acknowledge anything I do for our relationship. Seriously, Dave, I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this sudden change, because he was not like this when we were dating. He does not make any effort at my end. I am married but I am alone. The love I show my husband, the kindness I express towards him, my care and good intentions, my everyday actions that I strive to show my commitment to him and our marriage all go unnoticed. My self-esteem is crushed. He treats me in an inconsiderate, thankless and indifferent manner whenever I give him my best. My best is not enough for him anymore.

What is a woman to do?

Meanwhile, he is treating his mistress with grand gesticulations and landmark events. I found a receipt in his trousers this year, dated last year, from Kwarleyz Residence, Accra, in the name of Mr. and Mrs. In our surname. I haven’t stayed in any Kwarleyz my lifetime, yet my husband could pay over 2000 USD to spend nights and days with another woman. He used to travel a lot for work related projects outside of Accra. A few of the many lies he’s been telling me in order to sleep out. He gives me ghc 150 a week to maintain the home. In other words, I am to feed him, myself and the kids with that amount every week. His excuse everyday is, unless I’d want him to rob a bank, I should not expect anything higher than that in a week. He calls me lazy, and compares me to women who are independent and fending for themselves. Dave, I don’t rely on him 24/7. I work. I just do not earn as much. I don’t even know why I am sending you this message. I am crying right now.

This is not what I prayed for.

My husband has time to engage in small, seemingly inconsequential gestures just to show his love for another woman. Why am I not worth sustaining a similar connection between us? Why isn’t he making our marital journey easier on us? Why would he rather strengthen his bond with another rather than his wedded wife? I do not demand from him. I make do with the little he gives me, I make do. I am supporting the house with my salary. Dave, I make do. I don’t worry my husband with ‘buy me this’, ‘I need that’, etc. I don’t. I make do with my lot or little, I make do. I am hardworking, I dress well at home and outside the home. I am a great cook, his siblings and friends testify, but he will never complement my efforts. I fuck him well. I have fucked my husband to tears before. I do it right, most of the times, his way. A few times too, mine. But I blend the both worlds in our bedroom. He is not denied sex or respect.

I have tried to connect with him on a human and personal level but he is not ready, and I am tired of trying. I am telling you all this because a very generous man is pursuing me. He wants me. He wants to help me too. He’s divorced and a very lovely friend. He sees me. He hears me when I talk. He wants my permission to worship the grounds on which I walk on. He wants my permission to date me. He is willing to pay for a legal process to divorce my husband. He wants to take full responsibility of my life and that of my children, because he can afford it. I have been paying attention to his chats and calls lately, and I would want to ask you if I should seriously consider his offer.

I like him, Dave. It took this Corona lock down to realize that. I am deserving of his offer because I am tired of always giving and serving and later be feeling unappreciated in a marriage only one spouse seems to be committed to. What even hurts me the most is, my husband can make time for everyone else in his life, co-workers, friends, his siblings, sometimes, our children, except for me.

If I had known this earlier, I wouldn’t have married him when he proposed marriage. I would have focused on me and my career instead. I would have made money for myself before allowing a man to have the opportunity to bluff me in a marriage. No woman should have to tolerate such nonsense in a relationship. No woman should have to endure disrespect simply because they’re financially dependent on their husbands. I am hoping my story will encourage the young ladies out there. Don’t rush into any marriage if you are not working or earning enough to give you the ability to walk on your own terms. I am very helpless in this marriage and I do not wish my condition even for my worst enemy. Ladies, be financially independent so that you never have to feel helpless in a marriage.”

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