But you know that…

Loving wholly is always filled with the probability of pain. She wants to return to her old love, and it’s not like she went looking for him. She was okay, happily married. He just happened to be where she was, and then all of a sudden, she’s began looking for that part of her that, at one time in her life, was not willing to risk the loss for the joy of being with him: that real connection they shared. Now, she wants it back. She wants him back. – DBM

#MyChatWithHer

SBM: Hello Mr. David. Good evening.

David Bondze (DB): Hello! Evening. How are you doing, please?

SBM: I am fine. How about you?

DB: I am doing alright, thanks.

SBM: Ok. I want to chat. Do you have time?

DB: Kind of, yes!

SBM: I think I have started keeping a secret from my husband, and I feel very bad about it.

DB: Why do you feel about it?

SBM: Because we tell each other everything. We don’t keep secrets in our marriage.

DB: Really?

SBM: Yes. What do I do?

DB: Your husband is a human male, right?

SBM: Of course. Why do you ask?

DB: Because with ‘MEN’ all things are just NOT possible.

SBM: He doesn’t keep secrets from me. He tells me everything.

DB: Okay!

SBM: You think he keeps secrets?

DB: Madam, I’m just speaking as a guy who knows men. No man tells his wife everything: that would only happen in dreams.

SBM: Hmmm! So you think it is okay for me to also keep my secret?

DB: It depends on the kind of secret you want to keep. Is it an old flame?

SBM: Yes.

DB: Oh, no! That’s not a secret you keep from your husband.

SBM: Why not? It’s just a candle flame in the wind. That’s all.

DB: It’s these very same candle flames that eventually develop into something else greater than what it was meant to be.

SBM: What if I don’t allow it?

DB: Manly ‘flames’ may seem fragile from the onset, but can be deadly. If you don’t dim it with your husband in the known, it will light up and would want to keep you warm by-force. And if you let your vulnerabilities out to play, this flame-to-fire will run rampant. And you better not encourage such fires, because it would destroy the very things it was empowered to illuminate.

SBM: Are you speaking from experience?

DB: No!

SBM: Hmmm.

DB: I’m talking about wild bonfires.

SBM: Why are you scaring me this evening?

DB: How did you come into contact again with this ex?

SBM: I was part of a shortlisted interviewees for a job vacancy. He is the director of the company, and was part of those interviewing us.

DB: You knew he worked there?

SBM: No. I hadn’t even spoken to him in over 11 years. I didn’t know anything about his whereabouts.

DB: So, what is difficult about this? Treat him as a past tense. He’s not a part of your life, is he?

SBM: I don’t know.

DB: What do you mean you don’t know?

SBM: We never really broke up.

DB: I don’t understand.

SBM: I left him for my husband in the middle of a very good relationship we were building, without giving him any tangible reason.

DB: Hmmm!

SBM: Hmmm!

DB: And, did you apologize to him – when you chose to move on with your life without him in it?

SBM: I don’t think I did properly. I may have, but it wasn’t the type that could have given him closure.

DB: You owe him that.

SBM: I know.

DB: So, do the honorable thing.

SBM: I can’t.

DB: Why not?

SBM: Because I do not think I really moved on from him.

DB: Oh, gurrrrl!

SBM: I know. Hmmm!

DB: Sprouting bonfires bear seeds of destruction. And they are so compelling they can somersault cities. It can drop a queen to her knees.

SBM: I never stopped loving him.

DB: Even after you got married to your husband?

SBM: Even after that.

DB: Why did you choose your husband over him?

SBM: My husband presented a better view of a future. The kind of future I wanted for myself and my children.

DB: I see.

SBM: Ex was struggling to find his feet in a job. I was helping him with almost everything, and I got tired.

DB: You got tired when your husband, ‘with potential’ came to the scene, or you were already tired with ex?

SBM: When my husband came to the scene.

DB: I see.

SBM: Don’t judge me.

DB: I’m not the judge here, you are. The very day you judged your ex, and chose your husband over him, you did not define him… You defined yourself: who you really are.

SBM: We all make mistakes.

DB: Certain mistakes… Just have grander consequences than others. That doesn’t mean you have to let the result of it be the thing that defines you. You, Madam, have the choice not to let that happen.

SBM: Hmmm!

DB: Why were you looking for a job?

SBM: Things are hard at home. I needed this job in particular. It will help compliment what my husband brings home.

DB: How long have you been married?

SBM: 10 years.

DB: Kids?

SBM: Yes, three.

DB: Okay!

SBM: My husband knows this ex.

DB: Smh!

SBM: Hmmm!

DB: And, what lies did you tell your husband about him?

SBM: A lot to give him reason to marry me as quickly as possible.

DB: I see. All in the name of having a ‘comfortable’ life?

SBM: Hmmm!

DB: You wanted a good life to happen to/for you, and it’s so okay to want the very best for you. Your ex equally wished it could have happened for the both of you. Your husband made it happen for you, and you made a choice. Such is life!

SBM: But now, my ex seems to have made it so big, and I feel ashamed.

DB: Oh, don’t be ashamed for choosing to do something. In any moment of decision, the best thing one can do is the right thing. The other best thing to do is the wrong thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing. You did something. Be proud of yourself.

SBM: I still love him.

DB: Who?

SBM: Come on, Dave.

DB: Is it the fact that he seems to have made it in life – that’s why you feel guilty and ashamed, and all of a sudden, think you’re in love, or I’m missing something here?

SBM: One of my kids bears his middle name, and it was on purpose.

DB: Is your ex single?

SBM: He has a wedding band on. He’s married with kids.

DB: Why are we having this conversation?

SBM: I started my new job last week, and he had left a card, and a big rose flower vase by my window.

DB: You saw him place it there?

SBM: No! But the card had his handwriting on it.

DB: What did it say?

SBM: “But you know that I LOVE YOU”

DB: Really?

SBM: Yes.

DB: Hmmm!

SBM: What does “But you know that I LOVE YOU” mean in this context?

DB: You may have to ask him.

SBM: But as a man, what do you think it means?

DB: It could mean a lot of things.

SBM: What would have been your intention to write such a message to me, if you were in his shoes?

DB: ‘I love you’ from me, in his shoes, could have meant, “I UNDERSTAND YOU”.

SBM: For choosing my husband over you?

DB: Yes!

SBM: Dave, have I made a terrible mistake in my choices?

DB: At the end of the day, that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t even matter how difficult a choice it was for you to make. All that matters is that, you were convinced your husband was the right choice to make for you then, and you made it.

SBM: No, Dave. No! I don’t want this response.

DB: What do you want me to say?

SBM: Anything else but that.

DB: Come to think of it, do you think you got employed based on merit?

SBM: He gave me the job to keep me closer. Others were far qualified.

DB: But can you do the job?

SBM: I can.

DB: Good!

SBM: Do I tell my husband?

DB: Which part?

SBM: Hmmm!

DB: Your husband knows you’ve started a new job, right?

SBM: Yes.

DB: Okay!

SBM: I never stopped loving him. I just made a choice over him, but I love him.

DB: You need to focus on the choice you made. You didn’t choose him.

SBM: Can’t a woman choose to be with anyone she wants? It’s still her choice, isn’t it?

DB: It is. But what do you think your husband’s reaction would be, should he find out?

SBM: He’d ask me to resign. This is my dream job, Dave. The pay is very good. I love the challenge it brings. I get to be creative again in my field of work.

DB: You get to flirt with your ex.

SBM: He loves me. He wouldn’t have given me this job if he didn’t have feelings for me.

DB: You are both married. I think you need to tell your husband the truth.

SBM: I need to think about this carefully, Dave. Maybe, God is giving me a second chance to be happy.

DB: Does your husband not make you happy?

SBM: He does, but I want true happiness. I have met my happiness again.

DB: Smh!

SBM: Dave, at my interview, I watched him enter the room, walking the same walk he used to walk around me, 15 years ago. Nothing had changed about him. The smile he gave people he passed, and I sat there, trembling, looking all confused and in love. I sat there, motionless, speechless by the emotional state that splashed all over me.