Dear Cousin, it feels weird calling you cousin, I should say Sis really but girl,I’m not proud of how our relationship has degenerated over time. I guess a part of me also wants to distinguish between you and my blood sister. You see, I believe in moral compasses, I also know we can’t be perfect human as we are. But I am of the conviction that our moral compasses should work more often than not. Today I wrote a little something to my former boss, the one you did the hanky-panky with. And knowing me, I know I could have been gracious and kind. I could have written from a place of compassion and empathy and still gotten my point across but I chose to be mean. As a matter of fact not only did I not take the high road, I went past the gutters in to the underground drains and I am not sorry. Which brings me to the conclusion that after all these years of convincing myself I was good and that it didn’t matter to me or affected me, I am still pissed.
The demise of our sisterhood isn’t just because of that incident; there are many others. But the day I learned of your sordid affair with a man whose vows you and I witnessed made me begin to look at you differently. I know I have a penchant for bottling things up, allowing them to fester and boil unnecessarily. And I am angry at myself for that too.
The day you gleefully recounted your unsatisfactory sexual escapades with a man you knew was married, you thought you were giving me ammo against him. I won’t lie, a little part of me gloated at his shortcoming. I remember asking if you are proud of yourself. I remember also saying to you, if not for his wife, I’d encourage you to keep going with him. What I failed to add was, “yours would be a perfect match made in Hades.”
What I failed to do was cuss you all the way out. If I had the nerve to do that, I wouldn’t be here writing long grammar.
Mutual friends and family tell me you are decrying how I deserted you when I married, when I found some success, blah, blah, blah. Girl, I distanced myself because I finally allowed myself to see you for who you are. When somebody shows you who they are, you have to believe them. When somebody shows you their true colors, you don’t paint them over to the colors you want to see. Girl, when you see crazy coming, you have to cross over to the other side of the damn street. And that is what I have done.
When I married a young man working hard to reach his goals, you went about laughing at my “broke” husband. When you saw us making progress and building a life, you changed your tune and told mutual friends and family how I had taken him from you. In my mother’s voice, you are wonderful. I guess time has taught you opportunism,disingenuity and the green eyed-monster don’t pay. Cousin, I didn’t leave you really, I just erected healthy boundaries. So I will continue to love you from over here, please stay over there. It’s me, the girl behind whose back you call,Okuraseni.