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Should talking about sex with your partner be anything difficult a task? Under which/what circumstances would be appropriate for one to tell it all to your significant other, that you’re not sexually satisfied with their best? Should this type of sexual talk be had in the bedroom or somewhere else? What feels great to you in the middle of a lovemaking? Does your partner know?

Let’s talk exclusively, about sex. – DBM 

#MyChatWithHer

VT: David Bondze, good morning.

David Bondze (DB): Hello! Good morning. How are you?

VT: I’m fine. How are you?

DB: I am doing alright, thanks.

VT: My husband is a follower of your Facebook platform.

DB: Oh, okay!

VT: And I’m going to make a complaint about him. Do you mind not using the abbreviations of my real name?

DB: I will create new abbreviations.

VT: Thank you.

DB: You are welcome.

VT: My husband loves sex, and I love to have sex with him, he’s my husband. I think he’s good at it in a way. But he hurts me a lot of the time.

DB: Hurts you how?

VT: He violates the sanctity of my body.

DB: How?

VT: For example, the way he sometimes grabs my breasts and holds my neck and shoulders so tight. The aggressiveness and aggression in his touch and voice, during sex. The way he pounds on me, it’s just not normal.

DB: Define normal.

VT: You know what I mean, Dave, gently, lovingly, with patience, etc. I want him to be kind to my body when making love to me.

DB: Those are the fruits of the Spirit.

VT: What?

DB: Those qualities you mentioned are not entirely for sex.

VT: Is sex not supposed to be enjoyed by both parties?

DB: Sex is supposed to be enjoyed by both.

VT: I don’t enjoy sex truly with him, though I would love to. I do not orgasm when we are intimate. He’s always the one Cumming first, so I also fake mine along.

DB: Have you communicated your concerns to him?

VT: In many ways.

DB: In which ways to be precise?

VT: Through my moaning, and sometimes, re-direction of our sexual positions.

DB: So, you’ve not talked it out openly?

VT: I have tried to.

DB: Have you talked the talk with your husband?

VT: I don’t enjoy oral sex with him. I don’t feel comfortable doing all those kinds of things with him.

DB: So, which techniques sprouts fireworks through your vertebrae?

VT: A gentle touch, a loving pussy massage, sweet talks and a kind, appropriate thrust.

DB: I see. What’s your favorite sport?

VT: My favorite sport? What has that got to do with my issue?

DB: Do you have a favorite sport?

VT: Yes, athletics and football.

DB: Good! In the game of football, there are two ways to correctly and appropriately, move a ball. It’s either a player passes it out or runs with it. There are fumbling and interceptions. There are off sides and passing, and sometimes too, holding of interferences. The main objective of a good football game is to bracket as many points as possible – in order to advance past the other team’s goal line.

VT: What does that mean?

DB: It means there is nothing like gentility and softness in sex. A man is always in a hurry in his mind to do the needful, even if he is pretending to be utterly concerned about your body. It’s a serious kind of fun in marriage. It isn’t to be joked with. If it’s going to be played, it’s got to be played well.

VT: My husband hurts me so much with his aggression. Sometime, I feel like he’s having sex with a prostitute he’s paying, thus, can do anything, anyhow to her. Why are there referees in a football game? Are they not to prevent these kinds of offenses? My husband is always playing by his own rules, and I feel abused at the end of the day.

DB: Do you think he intentionally plans to hurt you?

VT: I don’t know. But I don’t think so. He loves me, I think.

DB: So, talk with him.

VT: He does the same things over and over again. I don’t know why. He doesn’t even see that I don’t enjoy him during sex. I am always trying to find excuses to keep him off when he is making attempts at me.

DB: Well, it could also be the excitements he might be deriving from you during the act. Some men forget themselves a lot.

VT: Why should a man forget there is another human being at his receiving end?

DB: It’s not easy to ‘finish hard’ in gentility. Man must always run by the game. It’s either for the score or you’re forced to come back for a re-match. And, re-matches are always ‘bugabugah’ style.

VT: Is that how you treat your sexual partner?

DB: I don’t have a sexual partner. I’m not sexually active, but I know a lot about sex. At least, I’d want to believe I do.

VT: Do you think I have valid concerns?

DB: Oh, but of course. You do! It’s your body.

VT: I get sore a lot, Dave. It takes my mind wandering elsewhere, every time, before I am able to get over the pain during and after sex with my husband.

DB: Hmmm! That’s unfortunate.

VT: He’s not considerate. And, should a woman always be going down on her husband?

DB: Blow-job?

VT: Yes.

DB: Not every man likes BJ.

VT: Do you?

DB: Maybe. But does your husband like it?

VT: I don’t like it.

DB: But he does.

VT: I don’t want to be the nagging wife always having problems with her husband’s preferences. But I don’t like giving him a blow-job.

DB: Why?

VT: I just don’t like it. I find it difficult going the extra mile to please him in bed, since he himself, does not please me.

DB: I always would want to have an end goal when it comes to my pursuits. What’s the end goal of your sex lives?

VT: I don’t know. I want to be satisfied, that’s all.

DB: I wish you could discuss alternatives to increasing intimacy between you two. You’re both deserving of a fulfilling sex life. Sex shouldn’t be only exciting for one person.

VT: But a lot of the things we do in our bedroom makes me feel uncomfortable, and pained.

DB: That’s not good.

VT: At all.

DB: Hmmm! Do you two play at all, or it’s all about passion?

VT: He’s all about passion, and being in control.

DB: But, you hug and kiss, right? The whole ‘gentility thing’ you were talking about?

VT: We sometimes do, but it’s not something he likes.

DB: Do you love to kiss and hug?

VT: I do.

DB: So, what can you do to increase the playful attitude in him, in order to lower the excessive passion he often exhibits?

VT: I don’t know.

DB: That’s okay. We’re going to get people to comment with fresh ideas, cool?

VT: Ok. Dave, can I ask you a personal question?

DB: Sure, if only I’d have an honest answer to it.

VT: What do you aim at when having sex?

DB: If I’m going to have sex with someone I am in love with, I will be more concerned about how well I can project connection between us, and be as affectionate as possible – with the person.

VT: My husband is always in a rush with me. He’s always in a hurry to want to penetrate me.

DB: You need to know your husband’s temperament. I’d want to believe all that plays a major role in his actions. I’m naturally the slow, introverted kind of person. The ‘cool/soft’ type of guy. So, sex with or to me should be in a slow tempo mood. Almost unmoving, but active. No hardcore thrusting here nor there. Just the good feel of being INSIDE the heavens would be glorious for me.

VT: Hmmm.

DB: Yeah! In such an ecstatic atmosphere, who would care about how long one is or not able to maintain erection? No one would care. It’s all about enjoying the one person you are that much into, and why you would want to both get satisfied, right?

VT: Hmmm.

DB: ‘Hmmm!’ means what in this context?

VT: Hmmm.

DB: You can get your sex lives back on track. This shouldn’t be so much of a problem to create unnecessary friction between you two.

VT: You turn me on. I’m already wet at work. I’m a mess right now. Gosh!

DB: Talk things through with your husband, and be very honest with him.

VT: I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

DB: His feelings will be hurt, should he find out – just talking to another man makes you wet at work. You’re not protecting his feelings by faking orgasms with him. You don’t want to go on that road of lying and hurting and resenting him.

VT: I need to go freshen up. Thanks for your time, Dave.

DB: You’re welcome.