Do you have a secret within your secret? Why have you not told anyone? Are you ashamed of the contents of the secret? Or you just don’t feel like getting into the story all over again, to have to be explaining why you’re not your past? Should one make themselves vulnerable by sharing their deepest secrets with the people they’re in love with? To tell or not to tell, which is which? – DBM
TC: Good evening.
David Bondze (DB): Good evening.
TC: How are you doing, Dave?
DB: I am doing alright, thanks. How are you doing?
TC: I am fine.
TC: I’d love to know your opinion about something.
DB: What would you like, honest critique, confidence booster, mix advice or just my general feel and overview?
TC: Honest critique.
DB: I’m all ears.
TC: I’ve slept with about 75 men.
DB: How old are you?
TC: 33 years.
DB: Are you married?
TC: I never told my husband about my past life. He’s still of the view that I am a ‘good’ woman.
DB: You’re loving him right, aren’t you?
TC: I am.
DB: Have you been with any other man since you two started dating?
DB: You have respect for him?
TC: I do.
DB: And, you’re willing to make this marriage work best for the both of you?
DB: I think you’re a good woman.
TC: We went for a program last week, and one of the friends he introduced to me as ‘very close’ is one of the 75.
TC: He feasted on me with his lustful eyes, and smiled wryly. He then asked me whether my husband knew.
DB: You mean, his friend?
DB: Knew what?
TC: My relationship with him.
DB: The 75, were they all relationships?
TC: Kind of.
DB: Oh, ok! I was thinking quick duties.
TC: I was not a prostitute.
TC: There’s a colleague at his work I was intimate with too.
DB: These happened before you two met, right?
DB: There’s nothing to worry yourself about.
TC: A guy he’s friends with at church too was one of the 75.
DB: Arhhhhba, Madam!
TC: What? I’m just being honest.
DB: I know, but I really do not want to know any more about the 75.
TC: The one we met at the program, suddenly wants to be friends with me again.
DB: Nothing wrong with friendship.
TC: But everything could go wrong. If my husband finds out I have known that number of men, he will change on me.
DB: How will he know?
TC: I don’t know, Dave. But I fear he’s going to find out somehow.
TC: He will change.
DB: Does your husband love you?
TC: He does.
DB: Then he will love you if you had even made 100 mistakes with men.
TC: I don’t know about that.
DB: He’s supposed to love you, regardless. Simply because you’re his.
TC: But I’ve kept this lot of information from him. And it will break his trust for me if he finds out.
DB: Do you know the number of women he has slept with?
DB: So, what are you worried about?
TC: I’m a woman, Dave. You know this our society and how they will tag people like me.
DB: Your husband is supposed to love you even for the mistakes you will be making for the rest of your life.
TC: How would you have handled a situation like mine, if I were your wife?
DB: I don’t know.
TC: Would you want to know if I had slept with that number of men?
DB: I don’t know.
TC: Could you have been able to forgive if you had found out?
DB: I do not know.
TC: Why don’t you know?
DB: Because I don’t know.
TC: Hmmm! I need a mix advice.
DB: 75 men is whole lot of men, but then, who am I to judge your past? It’s in your past, isn’t it? And only you know your pain and renunciations.
TC: It hasn’t been easy for me, Dave.
DB: I can imagine.
TC: I don’t know what to do. Should I go ahead and tell my husband? I can’t believe my sins are catching up today.
DB: You need to be considerate. You owe yourself that much.
TC: To what end, if my husband is not going to easily let this go?
DB: You are not perfect, neither is your husband.
TC: But I’ve wrongly led him on to believe something else of me.
DB: Are you that wonderful woman he thinks you are?
TC: I am.
DB: Then, where lies the problem? You do not and should not appeal to any man or woman’s encouragement, nor do you need their insults and judgements. You’ve made it thus far because you’ve always managed situations somehow. It’s your life to live.
TC: But should I tell him about my past?
DB: Do you know what I have been through in my life?
TC: You’ve not slept with 75 men, have you?
DB: I have not. However, I’m proud of who I am today. I don’t care about what I have or do not have. All I know is, I’ve been through a lot, and I am glad I still lived through my past to this present. Each stride forward actually declares my resiliency.
DB: Your past has shaped you, whether or not you believe it.
TC: I wish I could easily believe that.
DB: Your husband at moment sees you at your best. Do not tell him anything to trigger his judgement of you at your worst.
TC: So, I should keep quiet about this?
DB: You should only tell him if he can spend a day in your shoes to discover what it was like to be knocked around until you couldn’t stand up.
DB: It’s not as bad as it seems.
TC: But I will be keeping a secret from my husband. We promised each other not to be keeping any secrets.
DB: We promise ourselves a lot of things.
TC: I want to keep my promise to him.
TC: I’m just scared of the outcome.
DB: If he genuinely loves you, he will not be quick to judge you. He would rather create a new story that would be yours to keep, as a couple, as a family.
TC: Thank you for your time, Dave. I need to think about this very well.