#MyStory

6 am

“If a man knows how much you’re worth, he will not cheat on you. If you’re the highlight of a man’s life he will not lie to you. If he is a better example of a man, he will not betray you. A man who acknowledges your role in his life will not disrespect or speak to you anyhow. A man will not make you wonder what you’re doing wrong to excuse what he is doing wrong.” – T. Boateng

#MyStory

“I had almost given up hope I was ever going to find that someone I really would like and love. And at age 37, I wasn’t interested in being another woman’s boyfriend to start with the whole dating process all over again. I wanted to meet with the right woman for the long haul. That woman I could vibe with right from the start, that immediate mutual attraction and respect, instant desire to want to be friends, nothing whatsoever to do with her physical looks… I just wanted that unplanned emotional connection, nothing else fancy.

The perfect timing kind of attraction that I would want to slap myself to stop me from wanting to rush into knowing someone I do not know. And that’s how I met my wife. I wasn’t even expecting to meet anyone that afternoon but after we met, I didn’t want that day to end. Something crazy happened when we were together for the first time. She was chewing stick that early morning and was spitting the saliva out of her mouth. And you know how Ghanaian women spit through their teeth. It splashed all over my face, and the stench of it… Ugh!

I’m not great at giving detailed description but it wasn’t entirely her fault. She did not see me approaching. I did not see her. It was before 5:40 am. She quickly apologized, found me water to wash my face, and kept apologizing. The odor from her mouth was still on my face after washing, but it wasn’t the incident I was focused on. Her apologetic tone of voice was doing something else to me. And how she touched my shoulders to say, “I’m so sorry”. You wouldn’t believe this but I felt she could be a very special lady, and that, the unfortunate spit wasn’t to be taken lightly.

She asked what she could do to make it up to me, and by then it was exactly 6:00 am. “You could as well marry me” was my sarcastic response to her plea. I was in her neighborhood to collect a debt owed me. The guy had been playing hide and seek with me for months, and I was paying him a surprise visit that morning. My wife burst into an uncontrollable laughter after hearing what I said. I joined her make fun of the situation, and then asked for directions to collect my debt. I was paid in full, and on my way back, I went knocking at my wife’s door. I was supposed to be saying goodbye but we kept speaking at length.

I gave her money from the collected debt to prepare us breakfast, and then by the time we realized it was lunch that same day. I took another sum out of the collected debt and watched her shop to prepare us lunch. And then supper. I know it’s weird for me to say this but I had fallen in love with my wife, though it also seemed so easy for me to walk away from it all. We kissed without really knowing each other. And at the back of my mind, I had to grasp this opportunity with more than just my two hands; I had to have her in my mind and heart as well. In the space of a week, we had gotten to know each other pretty well. Within three weeks I had asked my wife to meet my family.

We did not do a white wedding. She wanted something traditional and simple. We married four months after the spit. I’ve been married to my wife for 19 years. Dave, I love my wife unconditionally, with an eternal and unchanging love. And with her, there’s no discrepancy or shadow of turning. I wanted to keep my promise to her, that’s why I do what I say I will do and I’m always where I say I will be. That’s being truthful to the one person I intend not to hurt on purpose. Life has gotten in my way many times, I’ve been busy traveling around the world a lot of times being away from my love. I had on a few occasions forgotten my vows because I had come into contact with ‘better things’ in their right shapes and sizes and looks and age. But becoming the kind of husband my wife could count on had taken me time and practice to be good at. And it’s been my responsibility to be a faithful man. I am truthful about my thoughts and feelings and being committed to my wife – to the extent that, it’s easy for me to walk away from all forms of temptation. To the best of my knowledge, I am yet to do something that I would have to hide from my wife.

I read a lot from your Facebook because of the stories you share and I feel led to speak to the conscience of all the guys on your platform. It is important to love the love of your life fully when you are given the chance. Be bold to take risks to express who you are to that one person. Love can be taken away from you at any day, so cherish who you have. Cherish what you have. I consider my wife to be important, and because I understand her importance in my life, I do not know how to do anything that would be against her. Dave that is respect! Her unique qualities are esteemed, and I consider her very special. Her well-being and happiness are my greatest priorities.

Unfortunately, that is not how most of my male friends treat their spouses. Some are treating their wives like their phones. Of course they like their phones, because the activities on it occupies them for the most of the time, especially when they’re bored. Their wives, just like their phones are being used as a form of distraction, because a phone would do as you command it to do. We don’t value our phones no matter how contemporary or expensive it is. You can drop the latest iPhone today, break it, and as soon as it spoils, you’d start asking friends and family if they have any old phone they aren’t using. After all, it’s just a phone … She’s just a woman, plenty women dey! It’s always nice to have your phone functioning, but once it stops, you can always buy a new one, replace it, upgrade it or get something else to make and receive calls.

If a man knows how much you’re worth, he will not cheat on you. If you’re the highlight of a man’s life he will not lie to you. If he is a better example of a man, he will not betray you. A man who acknowledges your role in his life will not disrespect or speak to you anyhow. A man will not make you wonder what you’re doing wrong to excuse what he is doing wrong.

I love my wife for who she is and not for what she’s done or will do. I understand her life outside of our marriage and I seek to build a better relationship by developing genuine interest in who she is as a woman, and whatever she is passionate about. I am always interested in what she needs to be better as an individual, and then, as my wife. And as a parent who knows my children will someday, leave my nest, I am preparing for the unknown. That’s why I am doing everything in my power to make our lives together a memorable one. The risk of losing my wife to eternity is worth the payoff of loving her in the best way in this relationship, even if she’s not to stay by my side forever.”

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