She hasn’t been able to heal the resulting feelings of abandonment. And due to this she’s still emotionally stuck at the age of her earliest wounds. This is causing her to repeat her past experiences of suffering and anger and hurt and unforgiveness. She’s back to the adult version of her childhood wounds again. – DBM
SJ: Good afternoon Dave. How are you? It’s been awhile. Can we please talk when you have time?
David Bondze (DB): Hey! Long time. How are you doing?
SJ: I’m fine
DB: I thank GOD
SJ: But there’s this thing bothering me
DB: What is it?
SJ: It’s about my dad. My pops left to the States when I was very young.
SJ: If I say young I mean before I was six years.
DB: Oh, wow!
SJ: He and my mum were no longer together before he left. So he had sole custody of me.
SJ: When he was leaving he sent me to my Aunt, who is his younger sister to live with.
SJ: Dave, the hell I went through with that woman and her husband is nothing to write home about.
DB: Your dad knew about what you were going through?
SJ: No, he didn’t. Because I couldn’t tell him.
SJ: You know those days before you could talk to someone abroad it had to be through telegram or a recorded tape to him, and I never did it alone. Her kids were always around to monitor what I was saying. Whatever I sent to him was scripted.
DB: I see!
SJ: Dave, what my senior cousin did to me is a story for another day.
SJ: It got to a point when I was in JSS 1, my mum came for me to spend the Christmas holidays with her and she never let me go back to them.
SJ: These people chased my mum to the extent that they reported her to the police for kidnapping
SJ: The person she was with at the time made a case at the court for her and my custody case was heard.
DB: I see.
SJ: The judge asked me a couple of questions and I told him the whole truth. What I was going through, how I was being treated, etc. I said everything. Eventually, my mum won the case and I got to live with her.
SJ: Since then my Aunt, my cousin, I mean every one of them stopped talking to me.
DB: That’s very unfortunate.
SJ: What hurt me most was the lies they told my dad. Because of that he stopped taking care of me.
SJ: Yes Dave. In 2001 my pops fell sick. So I decided to be checking on him every now and then. He has Parkinson disease now.
DB: I’m sorry to hear that.
SJ: What I have a problem with is now they’ve brought him back to the country, which I told them not to because it will be better for him to receive treatment there than in Ghana. They didn’t listen, he’s been back for the past eight months and I’ve not gone to see him. To tell you the truth, I won’t know how to behave towards him and my Aunt when I see them. I want to know if it’s wrong of me not going there all this while. Dave, you know I have two beautiful kids. I don’t even want them to see him. That’s how furious I am with them.
DB: He is your dad.
SJ: My mum is also pressuring me to go see him. My husband is also saying the same thing.
DB: You need to teach your kids how to FORGIVE and RELATE to a parent by modeling such an example for/to them.
SJ: Dave I know but not with these people. This is someone I’ve not seen in over 30 years. How do I relate with him?
DB: Ok. I will post this chat tomorrow.
SJ: OK! Thank you.
DB: You are welcome.