She hasn’t been able to heal the resulting feelings of abandonment. And due to this she’s still emotionally stuck at the age of her earliest wounds. This is causing her to repeat her past experiences of suffering and anger and hurt and unforgiveness. She’s back to the adult version of her childhood wounds again. – DBM
#MyChatWithHer
SJ: Good afternoon Dave. How are you? It’s been awhile. Can we please talk when you have time?
David Bondze (DB): Hey! Long time. How are you doing?
SJ: I’m fine
DB: I thank GOD
SJ: But there’s this thing bothering me
DB: What is it?
SJ: It’s about my dad. My pops left to the States when I was very young.
DB: Ok?
SJ: If I say young I mean before I was six years.
DB: Oh, wow!
SJ: He and my mum were no longer together before he left. So he had sole custody of me.
DB: Hmmm!
SJ: When he was leaving he sent me to my Aunt, who is his younger sister to live with.
DB: Okay!
SJ: Dave, the hell I went through with that woman and her husband is nothing to write home about.
DB: Your dad knew about what you were going through?
SJ: No, he didn’t. Because I couldn’t tell him.
DB: Hmmm!
SJ: You know those days before you could talk to someone abroad it had to be through telegram or a recorded tape to him, and I never did it alone. Her kids were always around to monitor what I was saying. Whatever I sent to him was scripted.
DB: I see!
SJ: Dave, what my senior cousin did to me is a story for another day.
DB: Hmmm!
SJ: It got to a point when I was in JSS 1, my mum came for me to spend the Christmas holidays with her and she never let me go back to them.
DB: Awwww!
SJ: These people chased my mum to the extent that they reported her to the police for kidnapping
DB: What?
SJ: The person she was with at the time made a case at the court for her and my custody case was heard.
DB: I see.
SJ: The judge asked me a couple of questions and I told him the whole truth. What I was going through, how I was being treated, etc. I said everything. Eventually, my mum won the case and I got to live with her.
DB: Okay!
SJ: Since then my Aunt, my cousin, I mean every one of them stopped talking to me.
DB: That’s very unfortunate.
SJ: What hurt me most was the lies they told my dad. Because of that he stopped taking care of me.
DB: Huh?
SJ: Yes Dave. In 2001 my pops fell sick. So I decided to be checking on him every now and then. He has Parkinson disease now.
DB: I’m sorry to hear that.
SJ: What I have a problem with is now they’ve brought him back to the country, which I told them not to because it will be better for him to receive treatment there than in Ghana. They didn’t listen, he’s been back for the past eight months and I’ve not gone to see him. To tell you the truth, I won’t know how to behave towards him and my Aunt when I see them. I want to know if it’s wrong of me not going there all this while. Dave, you know I have two beautiful kids. I don’t even want them to see him. That’s how furious I am with them.
DB: He is your dad.
SJ: My mum is also pressuring me to go see him. My husband is also saying the same thing.
DB: You need to teach your kids how to FORGIVE and RELATE to a parent by modeling such an example for/to them.
SJ: Dave I know but not with these people. This is someone I’ve not seen in over 30 years. How do I relate with him?
DB: Ok. I will post this chat tomorrow.
SJ: OK! Thank you.
DB: You are welcome.
I think she has to go and visit the dad. Although it’s painful but at least he is your dad. It is a great time for you to show love even though your Aunty meant evil. Forgive your dad after all he didn’t know the truth about the hardship you went through. He was made to believe everything was fine. Visit him and show love.
It will be best for you to go see him, it will help you to heal and grow from this childhood trauma you have been through, Growing up in Ghana with family abroad isn’t the best story with family, One thing I can tell you is, you will be doing yourself a lot of good if you can meet up with you dad, take him out on a ride to somewhere only you and him to chat and express your emotions and everything at him and help that child in you to get over that pain and hurt
Its painful and a sad experience. But my sister try as much as possibble to see him before he he passes out. You nid his blessings, my sister. The regret of not visitn before he dies wouldn’t be easy for u to forget.
In your story u say your dad didn’t know abt it and all u ever said to him were scripted. You should go and visit him, and go with your husband and kids. Let them know their grandpa.
Your cousins and aunt are on their own. However way they treated you has left you with pain but do t give them the pleasure of living with their past. U are a better person now, let that resonate. But please go and see dad. It will be a blessing.